[Brina2013]

I am having an issue and I would like to get the advice and opinions from others. Up until 8 months ago my sex life was ok nothing kinky aside from the occasional hair pulling or spanking. I had been friends with a man for 8 years, we had sex from time to time, it was just normal sex. Eight months ago he and I decided we were going to start dating and see how things went. The first night I spent with him we were having sex he reached over put his hand around my throat and choked me during. After the initial fear faded and it did quickly it left me with a sense of peace. Then over the next month I was intrigued about getting smacked around, forced to do things, and be told very dark vile things. These things gave me such a sense of peace and calmness. I have been tied up and beat with a flog, I have been choked with a belt, I've had my lip busted, I have been so sore the next day that every time I would move it hurt to move but smiled with every little twinge of pain. This has kind of unnerved my fiance, he is afraid he is going to hurt me because I want him to do these things, and he won't do them often. I thought since my mother and I have a very open relationship and she has a degree in Psychology I would talk to her about it, big mistake. I get this, "Oh that's not right, you need to stop doing things like that before you get hurt." I understand its by far normal and could be very dangerous. I just get such a sense of freedom its like a release. But it's starting to become a concern in my own mind because of the extremes I am willing to go to, to get that feeling of freedom. When I try to explain it to people the best way I know how is that it gives me the same feeling that a cutter gets when they cut or an alcoholic gets from getting that first drink after not drinking for a while. It is becoming an addiction for me to be hurt during sex to the point just having regular sex or making love doesn't turn me on. IDK I just wonder if anyone has ever had this issue before or have known others with this issue.

[BadWolf]

There is safety in consentual kink. You trust your fiancé enough to engage in these things.

Consider the impact on the rest of your life. If you can't get any work done because you HAVE to go have kinky sex, then it might be a problem. Otherwise, keep talking to your fiancé about what you want and what you don't want, and as long as he respects your boundaries it my not be a problem at all.

You might find a community like fetlife or something local give you some perspective. It did for me, (even though I didn't really participate I just observed fetlife taught me all the crazy things people think are sexy and made me feel more normal)




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[Malixer112]

I have been friends with quite a few different guys who wanted sex with me. I denied, and as a cause of it, I got beat, choked, and basically, I've been taken down in so many ways. I loved it so much, but hated it at the same time. I couldn't stop wanting what was hurting me. I was 10 when this first happened, and now that I'm 14, I have a major case of Female Sexual Arousal Disorder and a rare disorder that my therapist refers to as Sexual Self-Harm Tolerance Disorder. I'm not sure if that's what it's called, but she calls it that, because I don't understand the other term for it. I was raped at age 11, and since then, I've been using sex as a way to self-harm.
If that makes any sense to you....

[Calorique]

I am in a constant state of fear that my need to be hurt during sex will get me in serious trouble. Since my last breakup I will only sleep with someone who will say nasty things to me and hit/choke/hair pull during sex. I dunno. It gets me off and I'm not dead yet.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Brina2013

I am having an issue and I would like to get the advice and opinions from others. Up until 8 months ago my sex life was ok nothing kinky aside from the occasional hair pulling or spanking. I had been friends with a man for 8 years, we had sex from time to time, it was just normal sex. Eight months ago he and I decided we were going to start dating and see how things went. The first night I spent with him we were having sex he reached over put his hand around my throat and choked me during. After the initial fear faded and it did quickly it left me with a sense of peace. Then over the next month I was intrigued about getting smacked around, forced to do things, and be told very dark vile things. These things gave me such a sense of peace and calmness. I have been tied up and beat with a flog, I have been choked with a belt, I've had my lip busted, I have been so sore the next day that every time I would move it hurt to move but smiled with every little twinge of pain. This has kind of unnerved my fiance, he is afraid he is going to hurt me because I want him to do these things, and he won't do them often. I thought since my mother and I have a very open relationship and she has a degree in Psychology I would talk to her about it, big mistake. I get this, "Oh that's not right, you need to stop doing things like that before you get hurt." I understand its by far normal and could be very dangerous. I just get such a sense of freedom its like a release. But it's starting to become a concern in my own mind because of the extremes I am willing to go to, to get that feeling of freedom. When I try to explain it to people the best way I know how is that it gives me the same feeling that a cutter gets when they cut or an alcoholic gets from getting that first drink after not drinking for a while. It is becoming an addiction for me to be hurt during sex to the point just having regular sex or making love doesn't turn me on. IDK I just wonder if anyone has ever had this issue before or have known others with this issue.

i think as long as you guys use safewords, you'll be fine. and you and your partner know your limits and don't try to push beyond them for an "extra or more intense release" that's when you can get really hurt, everybody has what they like so it doesn't make it wrong or anything. try not to get too rough or extreme but still have fun and enjoy yourself..because it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt..i remember the first time a girl asked me to choke her while we were having sex, it thought it a bit strange at first, but then i was like 'hey,whatever turns you on" just have fun but be safe out there, good luck!