OCD - Compulsive Masturbation..or addiction?

I'm 21 years old male and I think I might have a problem with masturbation. I've been doing it since I could remember even as far as a 6 years old, masturbating before I could ejaculate. The fact that my father who've I've never seen had sex addiction doesn't help. My mother is completely different and the opposite from me or my father. I tried explaining to her as a teen years ago, maybe when I was 15 but she just didn't want to hear.

She says there is nothing wrong.

For some reason in the back of my mind, I remember someone not in my family talking to me while both of us where naked. I'm not sure but I think I might have been a toddler, at least old enough to walk. Someone standing next to me older explaining that they and I had "something different" then one another, that being genitals. Other then that, I've always known what sex was from a very young age.

I remember simulating having sex with a doll as a 6 year old and realizing it wasn't a good thing. The frequency increase when I hit teenage years and its only gotten worse with the introduction of porn.

I've been trying to stop, I've only been able to reach a week before I can't go on. I get very angry when I don't masturbate. I don't do nothing, but I feel inside very agitated and depressed on the inside. I don't want to replace it with alcohol or drugs because I know my addictive personality. I usually stop myself masturbating because I know there is no limit to my habit. I know I can go on masturbating because I've had to catch myself multiple times.

This is where my OCD comes into effect. Its hard for me to stop anything I do. Anything in which I feel comfortable with. Anything that's a constant and never changes, is hard for me to stop. There is no stop switch in my head, it just doesn't turn off. Its almost like a rubber band, one I have its hard for me to put down even if I stretch it as far as I can. From a jacket that I wear everyday in grade school to masturbation, I can't put it down. I've stopped with the jacket and I've stop masturbating multiple times a day but I continue to masturbate. There is no joy to it, its just there to lower how bad I feel on the inside because I didn't do.

Thing is if I stop for a period of time, my head becomes cloudy, I can't think straight, and its hard for me to sleep. Its hard for me to do anything, the worst being I get very angry. Nothing that's physical or anything but inside I just feel agitated and angry with allot of energy.

I don't know what to do. This is starting to bother me. Why cant I stop? There is a psychology area in my university but I don't want my family to know. I don't want anyone to know, but I need help. Having no money and being a university student I don't know what else to do.

Are you in treatment for the OCD? If you get the proper treatment you can apply it to this problem. There nothing wrong with masturbating in moderation. The key is balance and moderation.

This is classic sex addiction. You feel compelled, you can't go without for very long. You get angry and agitated without it.

Sexaholics Anonymous is free and it works. Look them up online and get contact info for people in your area. If there isn't a local group, you may be able to start one or just get phone numbers for other members to call and talk to. There are phone meetings as well. Get the SA white book and read through it. Then get the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book / Blue Book and read and put into practice the steps.

How do you know SA works? AA has never been proven to work, and SA is built on that model. I'd be cautious and skeptical going into SA meetings. It is not that I advise for or against them, I am just pointing out the dearth of research to back up the claim that SA works.

The short answer is that I have personally seen people's lives change because of SA. 12 step programs work if you work them. Not everyone is willing to work the steps.

Witnessing other people's lives change is good preliminary evidence. Still, the difficulty in applying 12 steps which you point out is probably something that should be presented up front as a big potential hurdle when you recommend any 12 step program, so that your audience is in the know about what they are getting into. Also up front should we warn that 12 step programs require belief in some supreme being (I am not using the correct terminology) - that is a prerequisite of effective participation. I am an atheist, and that is why I do not participate in a 12 step program against clutter, although I do have a big problem with cluttering. On these boards, I have heard something along the lines of "it does not have to be God, it could be anything", but that does not help me a bit as, again, I am an atheist.

So all in all, these two things: the considerable investment into the steps and the prerequisite of a certain belief system should be "put on the table" when you route someone to SA or any similar program. That would be my opinion, respectfully.

Nothing works if you don't put effort into it.

Your higher power should be something that can provide direction. Most atheists in the program use the fellowship as their higher power.

No I don't have treatment for my OCD. I try self regulating and stopping myself when I catch it. Moderation is great but its almost become a requirement just to function. There is no joy in the act, its not that I feel guilty or anything its just that I must do it or I get these of insomnia, heart rate increase, and etc. if I abstain from it.

Its definitely sex addiction, I've heard its similar to heroin addiction which seems overwhelming to overcome. I'm guessing there is no easy free card to ride this at once...I'll definitely try SA white book and all you've suggested.

The fact that I see everything within the lens of sex is scary. No logic, no rational, and no safety behind it. The fact that I can easily throw away my health, life, and morality for sex is wrong. The fact that I'm not strong enough is debilitating.

There's gotta be a solution... if not soon I don't know where this will take me, I just wish I can still keep my sanity. One small step to a life a despair and regret is easy to obtain when your this low. I just wish I didn't have all the responsibilities associated with life, so that I can focus on my problem with full attention and time.

It almost feels like groundhog day, I keep repeating the same actions with the same results. I try and stop myself, get pulled back into addiction, regret what I've done, and try to "cure" myself yet again. Rinse and repeat and you got the definition of how its been for the last years. Everyday, every week, every month, and every year has been the same. The only roadblock is this response my body produces as a result of not going back. Increase heart rate, insomnia, unable to concentrate, shallow breath, agitation, and etc. I know its mental, I just wish I could control it better.

I know the feeling. It's crippling to my ego that I lack the willpower to stop.

One thing that helps me is to realize I'm sick. It isn't as if I have a choice in whether I act out sexually or not. I'm driven to it. I'm responsible in that I got myself into this position in the first place, and yes I'm the one that does these things, but how much can I really beat myself up for each act? It does no good to beat yourself up for slips and failing to stay sober. Beating yourself up only creates stress and anxiety which makes it more likely you will act out to relieve the stress. Try to avoid it, but don't pummel yourself afterwards if you do.

Oh, no, that is not at all the case. Little pills, tablets, capsules work wonders and you put in no work - you just have to make a schedule of taking them. I wish a pill against alcoholism were invented.

Gonna take my night time pills. Bye-bye!