masturbation

i masturbate alot...
but mostly i think i'v taken to it as a solution to when im sad..
you know like im all alone hear and...got nothing to do cuz i have this crappy life...then i keep masturbating when im sad cuz i can't do anything.

so am i right? i do it for the sadness?

Hi,

I think my ex is a sex addict so
I've done some research and asked my therapist. My T says it's a way to fill a void or cope with pain.

You may want to sit with your thoughts and feelings...observe them. Only you will know if you have discovered the truth.

Good for you for facing this concern. It's a great sign that you have the ability to introspect and if there is an issue...you will be better able to heal.

Wishing you well...

same here . I'm 24 years old and am writing to you since I see no other way out and really need serious help. I see that you have helped out other people in distress and this is my attempt to get help.

I was in love with a guy and we were together for a long time . He was "The one", a nice, down to earth guy , sensible , warm-hearted and charming. I thought we were getting married to each other. But it all changed when he went away to another country and a long distance relationship was all it took to tear us apart. I guess the signs were there ever since the beginning. He never made me feel secure and I have insecurity issues , maybe for lack of a strong father figure in my life. HE would deliberately try to make me jealous since he believed that too much of something could help one get over the issue and cross the hurdle. He stopped being communicative and blamed it on stress. Even indicated he was "fed-up"with my narration of my problems. I never knew he had problems of his own, grave ones . So when I asked him what he has in mind for us .. he said he couldn't commit to me .. and did not even know if he loved me ! That just broke me inside and i felt very very let down .My worst fears had come true. I became so weak and dependent on anyone i came across , be it a roommate or a cousin . And cried all the time. And was not strong enough to leave him either. Well, during this time , in a drunken state once , i slept with a college friend , who had nothing good in his intentions for me. Turns out he was only looking for a one night stand. I was shocked at what I did myself , with guilt eating my conscience and self-loathe at its peak. I told my then boyfriend about it and obviously , we broke up. In a pathetic attempt to save the relationship I lied to him about it after i told him and said it did not happen During this period he confessed to me that he did in fact love me and i figured in his plan for the future and agreed that he neglected me and should have probably treated me right in the relationship.. But soon enough , was compelled to tell him the truth because I did not feel like i deserved his love. This sealed the death of our relationship since he doesn't trust me anymore . I still struggle with the guilt and self hate over this whole thing.

After this painful beak up , i met a best friend to get away from all this and get stronger mentally. A common friend that I met , fell in love with me .And so did I . We had a mad crazy connection . so strong that even our dreams synced with each other . (This is verified because he told me what he dreamed of before I did. ) Call it a co-incidence but it was incredible. When we made love it was the most fulfilling emotion since he loved me and was so involved emotionally during and after. He would just hug me for beautiful long minutes after sex. When there was literally no barrier between us. We traveled everywhere, biked together , he even told his parents about me and that he wanted to marry me. I had never experienced an intimate close relationship before this. I was very very secure and lit was one of the reasons i loved him so much. But his parents gave him a hard time about it since we don't belong to the same caste (Yes, I'm Indian) . And that broke away just as quickly as it had come, for no fault of my own this time. Two painful breakups one after the other.

Now comes the part which disturbs me and i really need help with.

I masturbate. And as hard it is for me to admit it, I am. I feel disgust about myself . Especially because it makes me feel weak and powerless. Am I addicted to it ? I don't know. I hope secretly that I am not. Well , whenever I use a penetration to orgasm , I cry uncontrollably after. Its simply so sad. Maybe because it brings back all those memories ? I don't know. That doesn't happen if I only use stimulation. What is wrong with me ??

Hello,

My name is Paul, let me put it this why, there are two types of people, those who masturbate and those who lie about it. Some of the reasons people masturbate is out of boredom, it relieves depression, and it leads to a higher sense of self-esteem. Oh, and did I mention it feels good? When we have an orgasm our body releases endorphins that are a natural pain reliever that has a similar chemical structure to morphine. The endorphin release helps our response to stress, determining our mood, and our emotion of happiness. Let's not get to excited, studies have shown that "excessive" orgasms can deplete levels of endorphins. This depletion of endorphins can lead to depression and/or mood disorders. I believe three or four times a week would be a safe range.

Can I get more information about the excessive orgasms? For three and a half years, I could not orgasm at all, because of the drugs I was taking. Now I am taking a lower dose and, a miracle, I can orgasm again. It feels like unbelievable luck. When I first discovered it, I had something like 50 orgasms in one evening, in one hour via masturbation (I am easily multi-orgasmic through straightforward clitoral stimulation). Since then, it has been about 10-20 before falling asleep and about 10 in the morning. But I plan to buy sex toys (I went through life acquiring and losing to divorce two husbands and three children but never managed to buy a single sex toy ) to add to the number of orgasms, and eventually to add partner sex, diminishing the frequency of masturbation accordingly (I prefer orgasms via partner sex). So 3-4 times per week sounds too little to me, and I would like to know if there is any evidence behind this estimate. Plus, it seems natural to masturbate nightly to tire oneself physically and lull oneself to sleep. Why should I skip some nights during the week? I have never heard of excessive orgasms before and internet searches on benefits of orgasms that I ran just today all return unequivocally favorable results. Orgasms help with blood pressure, mood, sleep, pain threshold, the heart, weight, and what not. Almost a panacea, basically. I was certainly glad to read that.

What is it in your culture and upbringing that makes it hard to admit that you engage in the most frequent, albeit less talked about, form of sex? I mean, masturbation is perfectly natural and not a big deal, why are you having difficulties admitting to masturbating even in an environment that is conducive to all sorts of fessing up - an online forum on which people use fictitious names?

And what exactly makes you feel weak and powerless? Masturbation itself is not supposed to make us feel weak and powerless - our bodies and brains are wired quite differently. It must be something in your culture and upbringing that gives you an attitude towards masturbation that in turn makes you feel weak and powerless. Explore that.

Do you have any hobbies or interests or friends? I'm sexually impulsive myself, I used to hook-up with people a lot and masturbated excessively (sometimes I'd do it all day, I couldn't get satisfied or stop) although I started going to school and being more active, which helped with my self-esteem, helped to curb loneliness, and made me feel more motivated to where I could engage myself in/focus on interests and hobbies. You shouldn't feel guilty about masturbating, but if you feel you're doing to an excess to where you feel you have no control then it might be a problem... just look at other areas of your life and see if you can change anything. It worked for me!!