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Newly Joined
Member Since Mar 2013
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Mar 08, 2013 at 09:58 AM
#1
My boyfriend left his facebook logged on at my house, so being the awesome girlfriend that I am, I read his messages. I know, I know. Well he had written some pretty illicit messages to other women about oral sex and other things of that nature. When confronted about the situation, after hours of fighting, talking, and crying, he confesses to me that he is a sex addict. Swears up and down that he has never cheated, just talks to other women on facebook.
We are both recovering drug addicts with multiple years clean, but this is the first I've heard about his sex addiction. I know nothing about sex addiction, so I am coming here looking for help. Is this something that sex addicts generally do? Go trolling facebook looking for other women to talk to? Do I believe that he just talks to women, and doesn't cheat? I know a great deal about drug addiction and nothing about sex addiction. I love him, and don't want to end the relationship if he is being honest with me, but how do I know? Thanks. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
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Mar 09, 2013 at 06:01 PM
#2
I'd personally take his word that he's a sex addict. I wouldn't even be happy if my hubby were chatting up other women about oral sex. It is the first step to actually meeting face-to-face, methinks.
However, I am not an expert on this topic. I stopped in and saw your post hadn't been responded to as yet. I suggest you ask him about going to see a counselor together. If he won't go, then go yourself. Okay, other people----respond here, too! |
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Mar 17, 2013 at 01:48 PM
#3
If he expressed any shame in admitting to you about his addiction & if he has been making gestures to try to repair your relationship, I would take his word for it. That all he did was chat & it went nowhere beyond that.
A lot of people with other addictive or compulsive behaviours have others, as well. Most alcoholics also smoke cigarettes, etc. And it's been well-documented that some drug addicts will find a new addiction once they kick the habit in order to "fill the void". He went trolling on facebook for girls to talk to, not a dating site. He didn't go out of his way [IE create a profile on a dating website] in order to do the behaviour, so it was most likely spur-of-the-moment. Which is not consistent with someone who intends to cheat on you. However, I suggest that you do as much reading on sex addiction as you can. Both from a victim's & from a recovery perspective -- I suggest he do a lot of reading too. If your relationship is incredibly important to the both of you, there's a lot of work involved in rebuilding trust after something like that. Although there is no replacement for professional therapy, self-help books are a very good place to start the process for the both of you. |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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