[Girlwithhusbandprob]

My husband of 7 years is ungodly gorgeous, that being said..he gets lots of attention from women and loves it. During the course of our marriage, he has had 2 one-night stands in which he would have never confessed; I had to provided proof of his actions before he kinda confesses. He is addicted to porn as well(LOTS OF IT), and has become more aggressive in the bedroom, not gentle, not loving, no intimacy. In the last two weeks I found out he posted a "single" profile on a dating website. He met a few of the women and was sexting them "private" part pictures in exchange for theirs…I feel numb….I have uncovered many other women he has "chatted" with or "followed" via social media in the past but this literally puts me over the top…In between all these fallouts, he gets so hard on himself, feeling terrible about his actions, promises…THIS TIME given the chance will be different…Well I'm at my Wits ends of "more chances"….I am lost and a christian who knows that God doesn't want my marriage to end plus we have two children…but I am literally emotionally numb. Advice?

[RDMercer]

It's time to tell him, clearly, strongly, from a place of internal peace and quiet, that you can't live with this or like this anymore, adn that you can't have your kids brought up in this environment. You want something better for them. You want them to believe in the sanctity of marriage.

Do some internet searches on narcissistic personality disorder. Look up some of the effects of lack of empathy in a marriage. See if this looks like what you live with.

I had maintained a long time porn habit against my wife's wishes for years. I lied to her repeatedly. I never cheated, flirted, chatted or texted or connected with anyone. But my porn habit cheapened her, and made her feel terrible. Like your husband, I too was looking for something more and more "physical" and less intimate during sex. Sex became reduced to the physical connection, and that was all. My wife wanted and needed more.

In counselling, I was told, finally(!) that I was of "low emotional intelligence", that I lacked empathy, and that I was "emotionally immature" by my counselor. That knocked me on my butt. I had to look at myself. I had thought I was pretty awesome. Maybe I wasn't

My wife threatened to leave. We are a Christian couple, with kids. I quit my habit, cold turkey. But that was an EXTERNAL change, forced on me by my wife, adn by my fear of losing her and my family. To keep the change, I had to change INTERNALLY. I bought a book by Gottman, then bought his DVD. I actively did the activities to build a connection with my wife and to deepen our connection. I also did mindful meditations to build my connection with myself.

It is 1.5 years later. I have a much, much stronger marriage. We've had absolutely amaxing sex. Better than anythign I could have ever imagined. My wife feels safe and secure, but she is still struggling with comparing herself to others. I feel more open to her than ever. Sex now lasts for HOURS at a time, and we are connected enough to take each other to the edge again and again and again... My wife has openly seduced me repeatedly. And I feel like a whole complete person, I feel I can be vulnerable to her. It is awesome.

There's hope, but only if he is willing to change. Everyone deserves to have someone in there life that cherishes them, and that will fight for them. Maybe it is time for him to fight for you, and to make you feel cherished.

[WhoDidIMarry?]

I am literally in tears, sobbing with you. My life….Reality as I knew it is gone. Everything I believed, was a lie.
I had no idea that the man I married was capable of doing, thinking and acting out some of the utterly embarrassing things i found out he did.
I had caught him in some lies before. I knew he was capable….but gawd.
A week ago, I just happened to find out he had joined a sex hookup site,(3 years ago) also craigslists personals. He, also has been chatting…no sexting…cyber sex, masturbating with the images of each other, fantasizing about these people, with god knows how many woman. Saying horrible disgusting things to each other. Exchanging nude pictures. Admitted to watching porn for hours. That only turns them into the evil they watch. If it is in fact ‘like a drug’ like they say, then it’s true, it’s only going to progress. Get worse, they always need more, to see something sicker.
He fessed up ONLY after I HAD the proof! He couldn’t lie his way out of facts. We’re going on 8 years, 1 young innocent little boy whom I hurt for the most. My husband loves the attention as well, saying that’s why he does it, and now, he’s ‘an addict’ he’s insecure and says it’s nice to feel ‘wanted’. I’ve caught him with porn on his computer before, and confronted him about it, claimed he very rarely looked, got super embarrassed, (now I see it was so, I’d feel sorry and stop talking about his viewing). So much more, he’s done. I could write for days. He’s invited these people to his ’second home’ with his oh so convenient ‘out of town job’, that his wife and kid are across the state away over half the year. He has no self control, and free reign of the single life. He claims he ‘wanted me to know’ all these last 8 years, but it all started getting worse 3 years ago!! Saying he knows he has a problem, can’t explain it, can’t control it…in the ‘heat of the sexting, jerkin, whatever, (pervert!!!! GAH!!!) he told them the address to meet up for sex’. That’s where my facts/proof end and he says ‘he’s being completely honest, that they did make plans to meet up, but he knew they’d never come over,’ ‘it was just talk, just words’ and ‘NEVER touched anyone else!’ I don’t believe it for a minute. You’re seriously going to sit there and tell me that you gave them your exact physical address, that they were to come over that night, right then, and he claims nothing ever happened out of any of them……there was WAY more then just 5-10(like he claims)…I’m guessing over the last 3 years, 20-40?(Past 3 it’s gotten the worst) And with the whole marriage being ‘off and on, off more then on” he says.
I can’t go on to believe a liar. Stupid.
It hurts so bad, because this was a bomb dropped on me. We had what everybody thought to be ’the happiest marriage’ we were a ‘great couple’ blah blah. All lies.
I don’t know what to feel. I’m shocked. Numb. Done. Denial. Angrier then hell. My life has been a lie.
I’m married to a complete stranger who leads a different life. I have no idea whom he is.
Thanks to him…I’m going to need ongoing therapy. Oh, but poor him, he’s the ’sick’ one. yeah. my ***.

Originally Posted by Girlwithhusbandprob

My husband of 7 years is ungodly gorgeous, that being said..he gets lots of attention from women and loves it. During the course of our marriage, he has had 2 one-night stands in which he would have never confessed; I had to provided proof of his actions before he kinda confesses. He is addicted to porn as well(LOTS OF IT), and has become more aggressive in the bedroom, not gentle, not loving, no intimacy. In the last two weeks I found out he posted a "single" profile on a dating website. He met a few of the women and was sexting them "private" part pictures in exchange for theirs…I feel numb….I have uncovered many other women he has "chatted" with or "followed" via social media in the past but this literally puts me over the top…In between all these fallouts, he gets so hard on himself, feeling terrible about his actions, promises…THIS TIME given the chance will be different…Well I'm at my Wits ends of "more chances"….I am lost and a christian who knows that God doesn't want my marriage to end plus we have two children…but I am literally emotionally numb. Advice?

My husband is a recovering porn addict....we are chrisitans. I still struggle with it all. My therapist suggested just this week that i go to S-Anon...its a 12 step group for people who are impacted by family member or significant other with a sex addiction. Maybe this would be helpful to you. I wish someone had told me about it when i first found out.

[musicalsweety]

My husband is a clinically depressed sex addict and uses pornography as his main source. I just asked him to leave the home for the emotional health and safety of our children. It's hard when everything you're told goes against you beliefs. I question daily whether this is the right plan but I also know that until he commits to making a significant behavioral change and use the process in place for him he won't find freedom. Also I am aware now of all of the things i Have been compromising just to keep things at home as neutral as possible. Where I live the sex addict groups for spouses are pretty floofy but I"m going to make myself go. That way if things don't work out I will know I have committed everything that I can to try to fix things. But its hard and I don't want to go. I just want to be done. But if I can encourage you in one thing it's take care of your children and yourself. Find a good therapist, a pastor and a support group!

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Girlwithhusbandprob

My husband of 7 years is ungodly gorgeous, that being said..he gets lots of attention from women and loves it. During the course of our marriage, he has had 2 one-night stands in which he would have never confessed; I had to provided proof of his actions before he kinda confesses. He is addicted to porn as well(LOTS OF IT), and has become more aggressive in the bedroom, not gentle, not loving, no intimacy. In the last two weeks I found out he posted a "single" profile on a dating website. He met a few of the women and was sexting them "private" part pictures in exchange for theirs…I feel numb….I have uncovered many other women he has "chatted" with or "followed" via social media in the past but this literally puts me over the top…In between all these fallouts, he gets so hard on himself, feeling terrible about his actions, promises…THIS TIME given the chance will be different…Well I'm at my Wits ends of "more chances"….I am lost and a christian who knows that God doesn't want my marriage to end plus we have two children…but I am literally emotionally numb. Advice?

in this situation, you are going to have to put your foot down..enough is enough, i strongly believe in marriage, but this is really pushing the envelope.
you really are going to have to get him to agree to therapy or it may be time to take a look at ending things

[arachnophobia.kid]

I'm not one to encourage divorce and I know talking about The Bible on this site is a bit of a no no, but you mentioned being Christian. For your consideration I want to point out that some Christians consider sexual immorality to be the only grounds for divorce. This is supported in Matthew 5:31-32.

[lw625301]

To WhodidImarry: I am going through the EXACT same thing... my husband does the same thing on craigslist as well... I just found out that he took it a step further and met up with someone for sex. A man. So yeah that's just great.

[azaliavictoria]

I came on here seeking comfort for the sexual addiction I just learned my "sort of boyfriend" has. We are broken up at the moment for unrelated things but have recently decided to rekindle (without a bf/gf title until he and myself have got our ***** sorted out). He is currently seeking help for it from his long term therapist. Now he is saying that he wants to be exclusive with me and I was thrilled at first. Then this weekend came. We went to see the fireworks together, at last minute he invited his buddy along. Upon telling him I wanted it to be romantic, he said "im trying not to make sex the most important thing in our relationship." How assuming of him, I thought, that wanting a romantic night would automatically mean love making (on a side note: since we broke up, I have only heard the words "I love you" once; during sex). Now, I am 100% unsure of what to think. I mean, is he using me and being "exclusive" with me as a means to help him not to have sex period, or should happiness be the only emotion I carry because he IS trying to help himself? I guess that is an answer I will get with time. Thank you for reading my story and I am sickened with pain for you to have to go through this (and everyone else going through this). My relationship "issues" with him seems almost petty now.I understand that you are not looking to divorce him over this? I HIGHLY suggest making regular visits with a therapist who can help the both of you; either separately or together (or a mix of both). CBT can be a major help in situations like this is he is willing and determined. My heart goes out to all of you.