[Shlosita]

Desperate to bring my sex addiction under control, I'd decided to offer an escort who I knew was soon to leave for her home town a generous payment to become my Keyholder once she leaves. She took the keys but not the money. Feeling bad about this, I'd bought her dinner a few times and due to an adjustment period and switching to a new cage I had visited her a few times to borrow the keys to adjust the cage.

Soon she was offering sex for free. Within a three month period, attachment snuck up on me. Before I knew it, somehow marriage and children entered the conversation. In a panic, I made it clear no marriage for at least a year with anyone and she agreed easily.
Recognizing that the sex was likely contributing to irrational infatuation, I had also insisted on no sex, kissing, passionate hugging or easy familiarity. At first she was hurt, thinking I'd found someone else. Once she understood I just needed sexual separation but that I could accept short hugs or holding hands if she wants, even in public, she felt happier. It wasn't long though before she would regularly tease me in order to break me to have sex with her, and she won each time, making it difficult for me to bring my feelings under rational control.
She is now back home, 11 time zones away, and I have a feeling our long-distance relationship won't melt away so easily. I don't have a problem with that per se, but how do I develop the necessary strength to resist the temptation when she wants sex? She is out of the trade now (she'd entered it for about the same period that I'd met her due to a bad financial decision on her part putting her in difficult circumstances). Though it'd easy yo keep the relationship somewhat under control from a distance, she'll be returning here in June for more legitimate work this time but suggested we live together during her stay. I'm finding it difficult to say no. She must return home permanently after that and wants me to go with her then.

I feel that I cannot think rationally about the relationship without cutting the sex out of it for a while so I can think straight about this.

How would you communicate in no unclear terms you want no sex? She has questioned me as to why separate sex from love. I had no clear answer other than I need sexual separation to help me think straight. She doesn't understand it. It's not that there is someone else; just that I need some sexusl distance. How would you approach this problem?

I would approach it in a way that is straight forward. Tell her you have a addiction to sex that makes it so you can't think or process anything the way you want and need. Relay that this is important and you're serious about it, your needs have to be respected for you to gain perspective on the relationship. If she can't or won't follow through what are you prepared for in response?

[Shlosita]

That's the problem, Kara. When she returns, she'll surely want sex again. The rational answer is easy: to say no to a sexual relationship and stick to it. It's up to her after that to decide if she wants to maintain the friendship without a sexual relationship.
I admit I am weak though and if she insists on sex, I just can't seem to bring myself to say no. On some strange emotional level I might subconsciously fear losing the opportunity of marrying her. Why have that fear if I'm actively trying to cut the sex precisely to determine if that's even a good idea. The addicted brain talking?

I had tried locking the keys in a box, give her the keys to the box, and keep the box at my home. That is the situation right now. But in the last many weeks that she was here, it lasted a short time before she asked me to give her the box till she left and I caved in.

The solution is obvious on one level: just stay firm and avoid temptations. This would mean my never going to her place nor she to mine. Meet in public. Maybe even give the box to someone else to hold. But we do enjoy cooking for one another. Maybe insist on leaving after dinner? Feels like an emotional tug of war.

The good news is we're physically separated till June. I will attend SAA meetings and will try neurolinguistic programming among other remedies to work on my character and especially my ability to control my emotions to say no and stick to it. I guess I just question whether that will be enough time to do that. At least I have some time on my side I suppose. Is it possible she has developed an addiction to sex too? After all, discussing marriage within the first three months after meeting, especially under the circumstances, does indicate a certain level of compulsivity.

I could consider mental rehearsals through visualization perhaps? Or some other solution?

By the way, I don't consider that any woman has any obligation towards me till marriage. If she found someone else I'd be hurt but also happy for her. I don't think she's interested in that though. She has told me the same that I have no obligation towards her and we could still be friends if I find someone else. For whatever reason, though I want no sexual relations with her, I'm also not interested in anyone else right now. Aside from the sex, I actually miss her and we chat almost twice a day on wechat. But I need to try to separate lust from love to know for sure that I'm making the right decisions.

Its entirely possible that she has an addiction to sex or she is extremely co dependent. Either way youre a strong individual. I wish you luck in your endeavors and I highly recommend going to the meetings (: