Trying To Stop Cuckold Fantasies...

I'm ashamed to admit this but my mind is consumed by sexual fantasies that involve humiliation. First off, I'd like to start off by saying that I love my wife dearly and would NEVER cheat on her as I consider it morally wrong. For that reason alone, I can't understand why my mind is consumed by fantasies of my wife being intimate with other men. I seriously get turned on by the thought of watching another man penetrate my wife or by her orally pleasing another man. I also have a spanking fantasy where my wife straps and paddles me like my stepmother did when I was a teenage boy. I think about these fantasies quite often throughout the day and feel ashamed because my wife is a good woman. Any advice on what's normal regarding fantasies and what's unhealthy?

Welcome to Psych Central (PC). I am sorry you have suffered from sexual fantasies. Many people here seek professional help like the help of a therapist or psychiatrist. The problem with any fantasy is by focusing on it we give it a life that it does not have if left alone. Try counting when these arise and silently count the inhale as 1, the exhale as 2, the inhale as 3 and the exhale as 4...continuing up to 10 then begin at 1 again.

People at Psych Central find they can share these feelings and what they are going through with the confidence that people go through similar things and can empathize. So many forums are offered. www.psychcentral.com

You can also be an active member in other ways like supporting others in their questions, reading articles and posts http://forums.psychcentral.com that are applicable to your area of concern.

As far as sexual fantasies go, people have probably thought of everything under the sun. As far as what is normal, I don't know who would define this. The important part would be if you are going to hurt others or yourself by the fantasies. Like if you acted them out and it caused harm to someone or yourself (I'm not talking about the spanking part, as that is a consensual form of "harm").

Fantasies live in our minds and are ours alone unless we share them with others.. Anything goes, they are just thoughts/fantasies, so long as we don't act on them and hurt anybody. Have you thought about bringing the subject up with your wife and talking to her about it?

Human sexuality is very complex. As angelicgoldfish05 pointed out, it's hard to define what's right or wrong. For some people, it conflicts with their moral or religious principles or beliefs. Just the fact that you have this fantasy is ok. Many people have a lot of different fantasies that they don't announce to the world, so it may make you think yours is one of the worse kinds.

As CANDC pointed out, just focusing too much on the fantasy gives it more life. And I would add not so much focusing on it in and of itself, but focusing on the fact that you shouldn't have it. What you can do is when you see this fantasy come in to your head, notice it and say to yourself that it's just a fantasy, just a thought - try observing it from aside. This will help you realize that it's just a thought, and not some monster that is going to make you do what you don't want to.

On the other hand, if you and your wife want to experiment sexually and enact the fantasy and it doesn't hurt you or the person you involve, then you may consider it as well to give release. What you described doesn't sound outrageous or something to punish yourself for.

Have you discussed this with your wife?

Thank you so much for replying back! I've considered telling her about the fantasies but haven't got the courage yet. It's hard to explain but I feel extremely guilty and have anxiety when I have these thoughts. It was a relief just posting about it here and receiving non-judgemental advice. I guess it's just hard for me to understand why this excites me. Most men would be disgusted and angered by the thought of this but I get turned on. I guess that's why I feel shame, it goes against what's "normal." Again, thanks for replying back.

I haven't yet but want too. I'm a bit nervous on how she would react.

BWX, I have off the wall fantasies. I'm kind of a private person. My husband is not as "opened minded" as I am. I'm still uncomfortable talking about my fantasies with him so I take it kind of slow. I kind of test the waters first a little. I worry that if I tell him too much to soon it may take him back by too much. I just wanted you to know i understand where you are coming from��

I'd Like to address this part of the comment. It could hurt all involved, my best advice is to not do it. it's not worth the pain. It may give a release but it also may come at a cost. What cost you may ask? The deepening power of addiction! I'd be saying What the HECK is she talking about.... here's were I am coming from.....

I am a single woman seeking a man that will excite me emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. I've acted out in addiction recently and have found that when a single person enters a marriage relationship things can go one of two ways.... One the wife can like it, two the wife hates the idea but may not speak up about it. It all depends on the amount of trust you have with you.

The fact that no one will get hurt, is incorrect, someone could still get hurt. You may not ever know that one person gets hurt but that's the pain truth.

My caution is this, don't engage in this behavior, it could make you further addicted. Do you want that?

Bwxdad,

Have you given any thought to why you have these fantasies? Do you have any feelings of inadequacy or doubt about your ability to satisfy your wife?

You see, I ask this because I have actually offered my wife to find a man who can satisfy her thoroughly. I have always had issues sexually, from premature ejaculation to anorgasmia. I do ensure my wife is sexually satisfied, but she could seriously get better sexually. Additionally I am bisexual and prefer men, so I don't really pursue sex with her as much as she wants.

I've always wanted her to find a man that we can share and that can fulfill her sexually in a way that I can't, like riding him until she stops from exhaustion. An a little bit of sissy/submissive bisexual fun at the same time would go a long way for me.

I guess you need to get an idea if she is actually satisfied with your performance, and whether this activity would actually provide her any satisfaction or fulfillment. If so, it would go a long way to helping get her support for making your fantasy a reality.

I have similar fantasies that really consume me, and it's become quite an obsession - so I can relate to your situation. I have done quite a bit of work with my therapist and through some great books that have helped me to define the origin of these fantasies, which has really helped me to get a grip on them. If you are interested, I could share some of this information if you think it might help you.

Although I am not the OP, I would be interested in the books you have read.

After I met my current wife, she was such a sexual monster I thought she might 'play' with others, perhaps get involved in 'the swinging lifestyle', but I was mistaken. I didin't come right out front and center about it, and I'm glad I didn't...given her reaction...because it may have soured our relationship, that later turned into a marriage.

If your fantasy developed by watching cuck behavior on porn sites, keep in mind these people are actors. It would take a special mindset for 'real' people to proceed with it. Way way back I was involved in a couple events like this, and the anticipation was more enjoyable than the actual act. Once everyone had their orgasms, things got really weird.

Tread lightly, for once that question is asked it can never be taken back.

Yes, please share the books you've found helpful!

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What you're describing is not uncommon. It sounds like you don't actually want to act on the fantasy of your wife with another man, you are just turned on by the thought. Even the fantasy about the paddling is not surprising and I don't see anything wrong with it.

I go into these fantasies in my mind while I am having sex with my husband. At first I felt bad about it, like I was cheating by not totally thinking about him. I told him about them. He is fine with it and we think it's probably very common and that most women do this. It's totally harmless and it gets me off.

I'm not sure of your age and that may be a factor in your embarrassment and reluctance to confide in your wife. You say she is a 'good woman'. Does that mean you think she will be shocked by your 'kinkiness'? She's your intimate lover. You should be able to share your thoughts with her.

I would not try to repress myself from the fantasies and see nothing wrong with having them. I think the one about the paddling would be the best one to tell her about first, if you want to. Even if it comes down to the thought that you were subconsciously aroused when you got paddled as a boy, I see nothing wrong with that and don't think it is at all unusual.

I also have a cuckolding fantasy which I shared with my wife and she was very supportive. We have been enjoying our sex life since I shared my fantasy with her five years ago. We are planning to take it a step further by actually involving a real man in our sex life

I have been addicted to this cuckold fantasy for almost 17 years now. It all started with just one glimpse of my wife in a totally arousing attire , which ofcourse she did for me and took a pic of her.

Well, I've been doing some awkward activities to satisfy the urge of my fantasy to do in real by sharing her pics with total stranger and reading their comments, which gave me immense pleasure.

Anyhow , after 14 years of marriage, I finally disclosed it to my wife and told her everything. For my surprised , she did not got shocked but heard me in details and said, it is ok to have any such fantasy, as long as you don't act upon it.

The positive side of it, she helped me in executing the fantasies by role playing with me, where I acted as not her husband. This activity did helped me to certain extent by not all the time thinking of the fantasies stuck in my mind.

Now, such thoughts are occupy my mind when I'm all alone, its surely is hurting at time but then again, I'm fighting it by not looking to materialize in real.

I would suggest that all the guys here, must take your wives into confidence and talk to them, let your heart out. After all they are your wives, they won't kill you for merely having a fantasy in your mind.

it's a competitive world. school, work, athletics. everyone has an instinct to achieve. we also analyze and think critically and sometimes critically analyze ourselves and develop self images that only exist in our mind. this sort of fantasy probably spikes adrenaline and endorphins which feel good, naturally. you just identified a pattern that isn't 'ideal' for a healthy man. but perhaps just accepting that you are a healthy minded man is a good first step. it's just part of being human. find a way to present this information to your wife in a way that might be mutually beneficial. there's probably a bunch of things you guys can do without inviting a third person, depending on her level of adventure. i understand not 'actually' wanting to invite a third person and just thinking about it. it's a simple fantasy. i've had similar ideas that have floated in my mind before.

im facing the same problem
i have made my gf text a guy and i told her it’s me and i made a deal with that guy already and i told pretend is me and they sexting and nudes so many times
i feel ashamed for what i did, she still didn’t find out and i try my best to stop having this kinda of fancy
and i every time after i ejaculate i feel like throwing up thinking of what i did

it is not like YOU are tempted to cheat. you would just be sharing a thought with her. she could be into it or she can maybe help you get over it. sorry if this isn't the typical response on here. I'm a dominatrix and I make solo porn so my opinion is probably a bit different lol