[puzzclar]

I recently started to date. He doesn't know about the addiction yet. But soon will. I need support. I got a new laptop and have watched porn again... I'm really sad that I did it, but I need to pick myself up and keep going. I have been reading erotica... this doesn't help at all. The thoughts are there; the fantasies are beginning with more intensity. I just have to keep busy... but that's not all. I am busy. I need to conquer this thing. Which means becoming diligent in prayer and scripture study. I am a believer in addiction needing a spiritual focus. Just unpracticed and undiligent in overcoming this thing.

[Menotshe]

I definitely agree. I feel that Spiriruality has been my strongest weapon against temptations and negative thoughts.

When did you find yourself struggling with this addiction? Was it an obsession that suddenly began to take over? Or did it start small years ago as something you never thought would have turned into an addiction?

[puzzclar]

It started small and it's been at least 4 years. Far too long. I found myself wanting to touch myself, so I punished myself. It's borderline masturbation. I don't know if I consider it a slip or not. I definitely slipped in fantasy and in looking at websites I shouldn't view. I hate this!!

[Menotshe]

I know . I wish i didn't have the constant desires i have, but at the same time I couldn't imagine life not craving sex or stimulation. How would I cope and deal with difficult situations? Its almost like I enjoy the obsession. I do in a way, I just don't enjoy being the only one in the relationship with the obsession. I feel like I've made my husband my sex slave poor thing.

Mine started very young, oddly. I started watching porn at age 7(more curious than anything, but also aroused). I started masturbating pretty young as well, for a female. As i got older it turned from curiosity to me wanting it bad. I went through bouts of depression, i was so angry and I just wanted sex, not even love, just sex. I was more interested in older men than boys my age, something about them having control over me, teaching me a thing or two and me proving that I wasn't such a little girl. Now, as an adult, its a need. If I don't get sex I will self pleasure. Its better than having mood swings or getting depressed. Plus, if i want a release I should get it. What's so bad about that. You know?

I guess I'm still trying to figure things out myself. The forums are my only support right now...

[puzzclar]

I know that feeling, I wish we could all talk more!!!!!! As it is I know my guy has power over me. I don't know if he knows it. When we kiss I want more but we both agreed not to until we are married... And we aren't bf/gf yet. I want to talk to him but he's busy. I want to be close to him. It's tough living an hour away, but also a blessing so that I don't feel the need to touch his butt, or him to touch me.

He asked me while I was kissing him what I was thinking and I said nothing good... I hope that got the point across since he didn't say anything...

I hate keeping things from him. I know the answer is spiritual but at the same time I feel too far gone ... I don't know why I feel that way.

[Menotshe]

I lived 1 hr 20 mins from my husband when we first met. I struggled a lot between my sexual desires and my spirituality. We would have sex all day when we would see each other, then I would feel super guilty and refuse to have sex for a month, then turn into a sex crazed animal and give in all over again. It was the hardest thing ever. I'm thankful for him and I'm thankful for my marriage. It saved me, from myself and possibly a shameful life.

And one thing when it comes to spirituality, its never too late, you can always be forgiven. I commend what you're doing now, even if you slip up from time to time. I personally know how hard it can be.

[Menotshe]

Although it makes me feel like I'm not strong. I just lucked up and found a husband. I don't truly know how it feels to struggle.

[puzzclar]

Yes you do! We all have our own struggles, different but same.

[Menotshe]

We're humans . Good luck to you puzzclar. Keep in touch.

[puzzclar]

My guy is now my boyfriend!!!! And I told him about my addiction and he took it well. He is so sweet and kind. I have no bad parts about him yet. We both see a future together, but my student loans are a big reason why we are taking it slow.

I was involved in a car accident, so far it's back pain that the medicine isn't touching the pain. Heat helps though. I need to get back to my studies though... It's been hard to focus on them with this happening... I hope something goes right... Oh and the insurance will be split between two companies, which may mean that I don't have to pay as much but time will tell. I just hope I get my head back.

[bizi]

solon paus lidocain patches work great!
sorry that you were in an accident.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[puzzclar]

Oh and now my computer is corrupt in the operating system so I'm without a computer.... And I'm in school.

[flaguy]

I have been struggling with webcam girls and this started 5 years ago never thinking I would still be doing this. Now I have a lady on an online chat site that I am so connected to I am having a difficult time breaking away from it, I am married my wife and I have just about divorced over her alcohol addiction that has really destroyed our relationship
I am in church and much prayer to have victory over this addiction. I will pray for you ladies. I am hoping that talking about it here will help get me to the place where God heal me and us and free us from the bondage