[cspeagle]

I find myself in a constant struggle with messaging people in the personal ads on Craigslist and setting up meetings for consensual no strings attached sex. I never go through with meeting the person and engaging in any sexual activity though, and I haven't in a long time. Once I get the message that we're on, I gain a sense of gratification and can either pleasure myself to the messages (if I haven't already been doing that during the search while watching porn) or go about my day. This has caused an immense amount of problems between me and my girlfriend. I have tried to quit myself several times, and I do well for a while, before I find myself in the middle of a search. Her biggest argument is that no one messages another person to meet up and have no intention of going through with it. A person doesn't go on Craiglist or other sites to just browse, chat, and jack off. I'm sure there is a fetish out there just for that kind of "erotic thrill." I know what I have done, and haven't done, and what my intentions were. I also don't blame her distrust of my answer. I would question it too if I was in her position seeing those emails. What I need to know now is if that type of arousal can exist so I can show her and we can open a dialogue into fixing it. Or I need to know if I'm wrong, so we can open a dialogue into fixing it. I'm tired of thinking I'm crazy, and I'm tired of her thinking I am a liar. I can get by with her thinking I am a cheater, because I feel the same way afterwards.

[Skeezyks]

Hello cspeagle: I'm sorry I don't really know anything about this really, although I've read lots of posts here on PC written by members who were struggling with internet porn addiction & / or fetishes of various sorts. The impression I've built up, as a result of reading all of those posts is that both of these things... porn addiction & fetishes can be extremely difficult to break. What it often seems to come down to is simply trying to pursue one's addiction or fetish safely (& legally.) It can be the guilt & shame people feel over their addiction or fetish that is the most damaging in the long run... that & the reaction to it by spouses or significant others.

That said, my personal perspective with regard to what you are doing is that it's really looking for trouble. The internet can be a dangerous place. And as long as the two of you are together, any trouble you cause to come your way may well come your gf's way as well. So there's potentially even more at stake here than jealousy or lack of trust. I can't tell you "if that type of arousal can exist." I have no reason to think it couldn't based on all of the porn addiction & fetish posts I've read here on PC. But, to me, what's perhaps of at least as much & perhaps more concern is the potential for trouble of various kinds what you are doing is creating.

By the way too, I don't know what type of work you do, or plan to do in the future. But the news where I live has been chock full recently of reports of men who've lost their careers & been publicly humiliated as a result of being involved in activities of these sorts. Depending on what you foresee in your future, the impact something such as this could have may be worth considering. As I wrote above I know how difficult it can be to break these kinds of addictions. And sometimes the best one can do is to find ways to indulge one's addiction or fetish safely. If the addiction you seem to have is one you simply cannot break, please try to find ways to pursue it that minimize the likelihood of trouble finding its way to you... or your gf. I wish you well...

[unaluna]

I would seriously doubt that you're the only person in the history of the world who thought about doing this. If you were, then i would say the biggest problem you and your girlfriend have, is that you are a monster genius and she is a mental idiot, so maybe not a good match intellectually!

Life is too short. Tell her to get her nose out of your business. Unless of course you like it there. Just stay safe.