[addict3089]

Hi,

I have been a sex/porn/love addict for the last 15+ years. I’m only 29 now, so I’ve been had these problems since I was young. Lately, I am having a lot of trouble understanding what I want in a partner. I am almost two months sober and over the past year, since starting to take my addiction seriously, I can count on two hands the number of times I have indulged in my addiction. This is a huge improvement from acting out daily, multiple times a day, for years prior.

I am in a relationship, somewhat long-term but very rocky. A ton of ups and downs, and right now I am not sure if this is the right person for me. Part of me says absolutely not but another part of me sort of doesn’t want to let this person go. I have gone on some “dates” with other women just to see if there was any connection, but there haven’t really been. If I could find someone I could connect with better, I would consider leaving my present relationship.

Sexually, I have found myself aroused by things I have never been aroused by before. I have found myself more than once thinking about sex with a man or a transsexual. I had two gay fantasies growing up but haven’t really had any others until now. While these fantasies are mostly sexual in nature, there is also an intimacy element to them as well.

I’m really not sure what to make of all this. I am not sure if this is my addiction morphing into something new in a latent state or something else. To reach a new high in their addiction, I have read about straight guys watching gay porn and vice-versa. However, I am not watching porn, sexting anonymous people, or doing any of my former addictive behavior.

Thanks and sorry for long post

[Skeezyks]

Hello addict: Thanks for sharing your story. Since this is your first post here on PC... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. There's a lot of support that can be available here. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

[Ijusthavetoknow]

I have just come to the understanding that I have never been satisfied in any sexual relationship. This has been a thought of mine for nearly 8 years now; always avoiding the simple fact. Searching even the other sex for answers; still no promising reply. Always wanting more; a true addict at heart.
After dozens of partners I have found someone special; someone worth spending a life with. A FREIND OF SUPPORT, HONEST LOVE, AND CARE.
Yet when in bed with this lady I can’t see any interesting changes for the better.
Introducing her to all different styles of porn and erotic behavior has only worked against me. Torture as she states to her self confidence.
My thoughts of women in bed is that of actors and paid professionals, not any sence of reality worth investing an entire life to.
I want to change. I want this woman in my life, but the more I want from her in bed the worse our relationship becomes.
Is there a middle ground?
Am I just a freak?
Will this be another broken hearted lady to my unsatisfied sex life?

[Help74]

As for me I am the woman in this simumlair situation. I suggest you think of your partner as that friend and lover and use that connection to make love to her look her in her eyes, talk to her, and not just dirty talk,make it about you and her,have the whole world outside disappear see if you can feel that connection and make the choice of letting her go if you can't. She loves you and I am sure this stuff she is getting asked to do might be hard for her and she is probably doing it out of the love and caring for you to satisfy you. Maybe you two should just openly talk to each other. Its just my side of it but I hope you find help and a answer for your problem good luck

[dntnowhtiwnt]

Originally Posted by addict3089

Hi,

I have been a sex/porn/love addict for the last 15+ years. I’m only 29 now, so I’ve been had these problems since I was young. Lately, I am having a lot of trouble understanding what I want in a partner. I am almost two months sober and over the past year, since starting to take my addiction seriously, I can count on two hands the number of times I have indulged in my addiction. This is a huge improvement from acting out daily, multiple times a day, for years prior.

I am in a relationship, somewhat long-term but very rocky. A ton of ups and downs, and right now I am not sure if this is the right person for me. Part of me says absolutely not but another part of me sort of doesn’t want to let this person go. I have gone on some “dates” with other women just to see if there was any connection, but there haven’t really been. If I could find someone I could connect with better, I would consider leaving my present relationship.

Sexually, I have found myself aroused by things I have never been aroused by before. I have found myself more than once thinking about sex with a man or a transsexual. I had two gay fantasies growing up but haven’t really had any others until now. While these fantasies are mostly sexual in nature, there is also an intimacy element to them as well.

I’m really not sure what to make of all this. I am not sure if this is my addiction morphing into something new in a latent state or something else. To reach a new high in their addiction, I have read about straight guys watching gay porn and vice-versa. However, I am not watching porn, sexting anonymous people, or doing any of my former addictive behavior.

Thanks and sorry for long post

I have almost the same problem, When I met my wife she was living with three men. She moved in with me and we went wild, we joined swingers groups, went to book stores with the booths, you name it we did it. She even got me to do things I never thought I would do. Suddenly after getting hooked on this lifestyle, a switch turns off. She suddenly she lost interest in sex with me or anyone. I am left holding the bag so to speak, I crave this lifestyle so much I have devoloped a new motto: "If you cannot find the girl of your dreams, Become her". Yes I cross dress and date black men every chance I get. I was raised in the south and in the country and this lifestyle is 'Taboo" but I am sorry, Its me. I watch porn constantly, self gratification has become an every night thing, and occasionally I will find me a date. Now my wife sleeps through all this and I am so lonely that I am constantly looking for someone to keep me company no matter what they ask me to do.

[continuosly blue]

Wow , all this just shows me how strong addiction can be , regardless of what it is. Like any other addiction after awhile you need more and more to get “high/off, in this case).I have to look at what are , if any , the underlying issues related to this behavior. Why am I doing this ? I found that a lot of it has to do with deficiencies in other areas of my life. Psychic , physical, or both. I believe only an extremely knowledgeable professional can help you understand why you do what you do. And be able to help you change or redirect the energy into another more “productive “, let’s say , action. I think that we suffer morally at some point when we engage in more exotic sex lives . Not making any judgements here. Just stating my own feelings on the subject.