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FearandLoathing40
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Default Mar 21, 2020 at 04:34 PM
  #41
OMG, thank you. Your advice is awesome and your compassion, rare for me and I'm incredibly grateful for it. I've lost most dates to social distancing, which is great?
I am feeling very stressed and desperate. I'm trying to keep myself busy and keep my anxiety in check. One minute at a time. Thank you again 🤗
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Default Mar 21, 2020 at 04:48 PM
  #42
OMG, thank you. Your advice is awesome and your compassion, rare for me and I'm incredibly grateful for it. I've lost most dates to social distancing, which is great?
I am feeling very stressed and desperate. I'm trying to keep myself busy and keep my anxiety in check. One minute at a time. Thank you again 🤗
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Default Mar 21, 2020 at 04:52 PM
  #43
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Originally Posted by FearandLoathing40 View Post
OMG, thank you. Your advice is awesome and your compassion, rare for me and I'm incredibly grateful for it. I've lost most dates to social distancing, which is great?
I am feeling very stressed and desperate. I'm trying to keep myself busy and keep my anxiety in check. One minute at a time. Thank you again 🤗
Happy to be of service! Something I'm going to be trying out over these long isolated weeks is meditation, seems as good a time as any and I've seen a lot of people saying it really helps with these kinds of issues. Will chime back in after a while of trying this with my results, though I suspect they will be positive. Never heard bad about meditation, now that I think about it.

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Default Mar 21, 2020 at 05:47 PM
  #44
OMG, thank you. Your advice is awesome and your compassion, rare for me and I'm incredibly grateful for it. I've lost most dates to social distancing, which is great?
I am feeling very stressed and desperate. I'm trying to keep myself busy and keep my anxiety in check. One minute at a time. Thank you again 🤗
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Default May 11, 2020 at 02:19 PM
  #45
I've continued my pattern for the most part. Two steps forward, three steps back. I went 10 days without sex! Saturday night..... what a beast. I'm consumed. It's like a horrible thirst, I'm dying to quench. It feels like life or death. I've called 5 men since Sunday morning. The only thing that has helped me to cancel is the fact that I am extremely sore from Saturday. I seriously feel like I'm dying. This addiction is no joke
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Default May 14, 2020 at 09:20 PM
  #46
Hang in there and take it one day at a time, don't stew too much over the past.

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Default Sep 01, 2020 at 11:05 PM
  #47
I don't think that I'm hypersexual, or a sex addict.
I think I'm amoral and depraved.
The harder I look for myself, the less I can find me.
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Default Oct 03, 2020 at 09:30 AM
  #48
I will say, I never imagined women struggle with this as much as men, and I feel poorer for not having known this many years ago so that I could have done things differently. I often wonder if it's possible to find someone who is an anode to me, so that I no longer care about porn and finding others...? Or is it that I am, like F&L says, "amoral and depraved?" Am I shallow simply because I look for specific physical and personality traits, and that venal, avaricious side of me doesn't want to settle? The women that have them I find are either a) strangers to me (and I'm not good at just randomly striking up convos), b) know who I am and want nothing to do with me, or c) are taken. That is a struggle I am all too familiar with. I actually had someone ask me if I was an Incel because I haven't slept with anyone in years. lmao No, not really...I am just isolated because I know no one in my own town anymore, and I have no friends irl other than my little doggo, and I have become risk-averse after my last ex. She was pretty much it for me, end of the line.

"The harder I look for myself, the less I can find me." <---- Oof. Right in the feels. Just about summed up all of my poetry (which I use as a cathartic) in one line. lmao
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Default Oct 22, 2020 at 06:18 PM
  #49
It really is an addition. I've lost jobs, so it continues to be my job. Either way, I want it daily, sometimes twice a day. I think about it all the time, I hide my phone to take breaks from sexting men. Sometimes I'm juggling 3 or 4 conversations at a time. I want constant attention. I've been so depressed. I've been staying in bed, except to go on dates. I forced myself to go in a hike. It helped. I'm trying to ignore the messages. Ugh, it feels good to unload here.
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Default Oct 23, 2020 at 07:12 AM
  #50
Have you considered therapy? Sending hugs.
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Default Oct 23, 2020 at 06:28 PM
  #51
I do go to therapy. Unfortunately I go to a low cost clinic where the therapist is only available every 3-4 months.
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Default Oct 27, 2020 at 10:06 PM
  #52
That's not therapy. A cut-rate therapist with thirty cases too many on his/her workload seeing you 4 times a year is going to provide exactly 0 resolution. I daresay therapy with a good therapist would probably resolve the underlying trauma, and once THAT is addressed, much of that urge would simply fade to manageable levels without you being aware its happening.

Me, I didn't have money for all that therapy shtako. So, I did what any rational person would do. I dropped two hits of acid and went rummaging. I basically prepped myself ahead of time by specifically focusing on wanting to learn, and man, what a ride that was. It wasn't always pleasant, but I'm stronger than thought loops, and I realized things about myself that were always present; I'd just never noticed before. Being aware of that older anger and shame over situations from decades ago seemed to lessen the severity of other impulsivity around things like sex and OCD. So, there's something to be said about discharging that energy, although what I did was akin to jumping over Niagara in a barrel in a "fk it" moment of desperation. This, because I've read about psychedelic therapy for PTSD and whatnot that showed jaw-dropping promise, but whose funding was cut off as the VA became shtako in the 80s.

One on one time with someone you build trust in over a few months of weekly visits would do you wonders. Hope you can find someone soon to help you. (((F&L40)))
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Trig Jun 23, 2021 at 11:39 AM
  #53
I posted this thread almost exactly 2 years ago. It's been 8 months since I've logged on. In those 8 months I suffered a severe head injury and a massive concussion. Both injuries happened while drunk on dates. So, my life hasn't changed much in the last 2 years. I continue to chat with several men a day and also watch porn and masturbate at least once a day. I can barely go 6 days without sex. I'm ecstatic if I have 2 dates a week, especially if they are paid dates. I had a major depressive episode and formed a very detailed suicide plan. Thankfully, I got a friend's help, and here I am.
Almost every person I know has told me to get help. It just makes me angry and then I avoid them for a while. So, there it The unloading here...... I seriously feel a bit of weight off when I message here.

Last edited by bluekoi; Apr 21, 2022 at 10:09 PM.. Reason: Add trigger icon.
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Default Jun 23, 2021 at 12:50 PM
  #54
Then message away! That weight is off when you're here because you're discharging it. I think the battle is better fought indirectly; by this, I mean, not focusing directly on resisting the urges, but on finding other activities that so fill your day that you find you are too tired or simply don't care about anything else. It's subtle, but there's a distinction. Think of it as asymmetrical warfare against your nature--you're providing a shiny distraction that is so interesting that your subconscious mind is too busy with the distraction to notice what it is lacking. The only time you'll lose is if you give up entirely. No matter how many battles you lose, so long as you keep fighting the war, you're winning.
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Default Sep 15, 2021 at 09:45 PM
  #55
Hi Fearandloathing40, I can really relate to what you're struggling with. I just joined to try to keep out of chat rooms and chat with people that are dealing with the same kind of struggles. I've relapsed a few times, I always seem to fall back into the same habits. Have you tried medications? I just went to a doctor and got prescribed Zoloft, I told her I had saw where it recommends SSRIs. She said its that, mood stabilizers, or something that alcoholics use, I forget the name. Just took my first pill. Kinda paranoid :P

Its supposed to decrease libido, but other scary side effects too. Might just try switching to the mood stabilizers if I don't like these.
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Default Oct 19, 2021 at 06:24 PM
  #56
I have a similar issue but am much younger. I think it is about total parent (mom) rebellion. But it is becoming obsessive. I feel like I need the sex and that a little bit frightens me. Most of my girlfriends struggle to have an orgasm and I can so easily have one. If I cannot find some guy to have sex with I will rub against the sofa arm when no-one is home in order to relive the urge. I think I need some sort of medicine.
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Default Apr 18, 2022 at 07:17 PM
  #57
Im finally feeling better ! I've only been having sex with 1 man for the last 2 months
I still sext other men and masturbate a few times a day. Overall I'm in a much better place though.
Thought it might be nice to post while not being a Dawnie Downer lol
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Default Apr 21, 2022 at 05:10 PM
  #58
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Originally Posted by FearandLoathing40 View Post
I'm having a lot of sex with strangers I meet online. I am now spending all of my free time talking to or having sex with men. It's gotten worse consistently over the last couple months. I've even slept with two men in the same day twice. I suffered a bruised cervix during my last encounter and almost had sex later that day. The only thing that stopped me was excruciating pain. It's been three days and I'm still in horrible pain.....yet I can't take another day without sex. I'm supposed to see my weekender later today. I don't know if I can stop myself. I have an appointment with a gynecologist tomarrow. WHAT the hell have I become....... and how the hell do I become myself again.

I've recently left a 20 year abusive marriage. I'm hoping this is the cause and that there is hope for me.😭
Hope is all we need; you maybe in a phase of liberation and exploration to find who you really are ... and find your rock!
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Default Apr 24, 2022 at 12:28 AM
  #59
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Originally Posted by FearandLoathing40 View Post
I'm having a lot of sex with strangers I meet online. I am now spending all of my free time talking to or having sex with men. It's gotten worse consistently over the last couple months. I've even slept with two men in the same day twice. I suffered a bruised cervix during my last encounter and almost had sex later that day. The only thing that stopped me was excruciating pain. It's been three days and I'm still in horrible pain.....yet I can't take another day without sex. I'm supposed to see my weekender later today. I don't know if I can stop myself. I have an appointment with a gynecologist tomarrow. WHAT the hell have I become....... and how the hell do I become myself again.

I've recently left a 20 year abusive marriage. I'm hoping this is the cause and that there is hope for me.😭
Oh darling, I'm so sorry, I thought you were enjoying your new found experiences sexually! I didn't know they were treating you poorly. I am the wrong person to preach self control, but wise sober partner, condom/btc, and obgyn 1 every few months if you're really going all out sounds like a woman using her WISE MIND! Maybe you have to create your newself? I think the old one needed to cut loose a bit? Thank you for having the courage to share. Sex is normal, and abnormal, and it's never easy discussing either. xxoo
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Heart Dec 12, 2022 at 02:43 PM
  #60
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Originally Posted by FearandLoathing40 View Post
Im finally feeling better ! I've only been having sex with 1 man for the last 2 months
I still sext other men and masturbate a few times a day. Overall I'm in a much better place though.
Thought it might be nice to post while not being a Dawnie Downer lol
Dear FearandLoathing40,

This is great, that you're feeling a lot better! I hope you're still going along well now.

I'm just thinking that maybe this was all just something you had to go through, until you finally "got it out of your system", as it were?!

Please look after yourself; this is a wonderful forum, and you'll always have lots of support from all of us here. xo
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