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Fuzzi32
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Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: Bay Area, California
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Default Aug 24, 2020 at 09:10 PM
  #1
Hi. I'm a family man in my late 40ies. Pretty wife & 2 young kids, good job. Thus far pretty normal I guess. What threatens the relationship to my wife is the combination of my down jacket fetish combined with my attraction to extremely tall women. If it was just for down jackets she might be tolerant, but it has gone so far that I had a few jackets for super tall (like 7' to ~20') fantasy women made, which I love to wear and literally disappear in. For a while she let me have it - either she would wear one and pretend to be my giant girlfriend I would rub against, or I would wear one and rub against her, or we would have sex on top any of these supersized coats.

Growing up I was always the smallest boy around. I remember the day when a new and really tall girl joined in 5th grade - in the middle of a cold winter. The teacher had asked me to go outside and make sure all coats had neatly been hung up. One wasn't, so I brought it in, held it in front of me and asked whom it belonged to. It was a padded nylon jacket so big that its bottom came to near my knees. Of course it belonged to the new girl. I fantasized about her asking me to wear it - she was at least 2 heads taller than me. And the nylon fabric was super soft, which aroused me on top of it all.

Well, so wearing such big jackets would really show me how little I was compared to owner, without a need to have contact with them (I was very shy). Over the years the fascination with height comparisons increased (against women only), but since taller women typically desire even taller men I never dared to ask one out. I often went to department stores where I would sneak in the outerwear aisle for women and grab the biggest jackets to secretly try on. Most were black anyways, so if someone saw me carry them I did not need to get embarrassed.

Now my wife wants me to get rid of all these custom jackets. It took me a ton of energy and time (communication with manufactures) to finally get them made (but it was also very satisfying and arousing), and if I would simply give them away it would trigger that longing again to have some more made for me. The other addiction for arousal are online pics of comparisons of short men/women to much taller women, including 3D art of women of fantasy heights, or women wearing sexy down jackets. Especially in this work-from-home environment it is easy to get distracted and satisfy my sexual desire of having an orgasm from wearing one of my giant coats or looking at related pics or 3D art.


Any experience / suggestions on how to break such a viscous addiction cycle, where breaking it would trigger another creative phase for re-making the lost? And deleting Instagram / Deviant Art accounts is also only a temp solution... plus most of related pics can just be found via Google...


Thanks!
Fuzzi32
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Smile Aug 25, 2020 at 12:16 PM
  #2
Hello Fuzzi: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.

At the end of your post, you asked if there were "any experience / suggestions on how to break such a viscous addiction cycle, where breaking it would trigger another creative phase for re-making the lost". Unfortunately I believe the reality is there simply is no way to do what you're looking to do. At least not that I'm aware of. The cold hard reality, so to speak, is that fetishes just don't go away... at least not that I know of. The one caveat I could perhaps offer would be that, at least in some cases, the compulsion one feels (in your case for tall women & down jackets) may fade a bit as you age. That doesn't mean it will disappear entirely. But it may no longer be the driving force it is for you now.

I myself am an older man. But I have struggled with my gender identity my entire life plus some other stuff I won't get into. And as with every other MtF transgender person I have ever known or read or heard about, I have collected & then purged myself of women's apparel & accessories more times than I would be able to recall. However as I began to age, say around age 60, I was finally able to leave it behind once & for all (which is not to say the urge isn't still there. It's simply no longer the overpowering compulsion it was.)

So, at least based on my own personal experience, I would have to say that trying to rid yourself of your fetish for tall women & down jackets may well be a losing battle. Sure, you can rid yourself of the things you already have. But, as I think you already realize, it won't be long before you'll be right back at re-accumulating what you disposed of & wishing you hadn't purged yourself of the things you had accumulated to begin with. Perhaps you might try working through your fetish (& the experience that apparently triggered it) at-length & in-depth over a period of time with the help of a mental health therapist who has experience in working with clients who have fetishes. But I'd have to say I've never read about anyone who said they were "cured" of a fetish as a result of engaging in mental health therapy.

I'm sorry I don't have something more useful to offer you on this subject. Perhaps there will yet be other PC members who will have more constructive suggestions to offer. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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