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throwawayhighdog
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Default Mar 28, 2023 at 03:26 AM
  #1
(Let me know if the post is too long and you don’t want to read it. I will try to shorten it so some more people might help me, if there are any)

I’ve never posted here or any other therapy related websites and communities before. And I never thought I would, but here I am.

Just a preview, this is basically my rant about my masturbation addiction and my sexual fetishes that I hate. I want to get rid of them and tone down my masturbation frequency I guess. Advice is very appreciated, but even if I don’t get any replies, at least I’m talking this out and trying to make progress. Thank you

I am 19 male. I am a virgin, which probably is important here. I am not that much concerned about the fact that I’m a virgin. But I feel like this issue that I have is playing a huge part in it. I’ve been masturbating since I was 8 (did it rarely, got into it with puberty). Last 3-4 years I’ve been masturbating a lot more frequently, and the last 1-1.5 years I’ve developed the cuckold/netorare fetish. This happened because other things just don’t do it for me anymore. I’ve been doing it so much that I’ve went through tons of different fetishes. These fetishes were fine at first, just some kinky stuff maybe. But not anymore. I will try to convey it as much as possible; I imagine myself in cuckold place, being dominated by other women and stronger men. Also black men. This does have homosexual part in it, which is partially what turns me on. But I don’t think I am gay. I might sound as if I’m just denying it for myself, but I gave it a lot of thought. I don’t like men and never have. I like women. I recently had a crush on someone and it was a girl. By the way, I just realized it, but I never once imagined this girl in my cuckold fantasies (not even fantasies, I don’t fantasize about it, I just imagine it for the sake of masturbating). Not once. I masturbated to my crush a few times and it was normal vanilla stuff, if you can call it. I also never imagined someone close to me in these scenarios.

Now, about my masturbation addiction in general. I don’t know when it started, but I’ve bern masturbating regularly for years. Basically every day. Multiples times a day in the last year. I’ve tried to make self challenges like NNN. In 2021 I managed to hold for like 7 days. In 2022 I hold for 10 days. Recently I proposed to my friend with the idea of doing it again, basically betting money on it. I hold for 11 days. I could make a whole different post about what was going through my mind in those 11 days. I had so much thoughts and monologues inside my head. Contemplating, bargaining, denying, stopping myself. Well, a whole different story. In the end I madturbated to cuckold stuff again. We both lost the bet around the same time.

So now I know that I can at least do a week without having much trouble with it. Even doing it 1 day a week but 3-4 times in 1 day is better than just masturbating 1-2 times every day. But if I want to hold myself, I really need to put my mind into it. I can’t find this in me as of now.

But masturbation in general doesn’t bother me as much as my cuckold fetish. Sometimes I end up masturbating to normal stuff (well, at least what I consider normal comparing to cuckold) and I am glad about it afterwards. But I noticed that I doesn’t give me nearly as much pleasure during the process. Not the pleasure, but the arousal. I don’t get as aroused compared to when I masturbate to cuckold things.

I’m looking for ways to get rid of this. I think if I want to get rid of the fetish, I need to masturbate rarely and then anything will do instead of cuckold stuff. But then again, 11 days is my record and I can’t withheld often. Although it’s wrong to say that I can’t. I just don’t. And I gotta find strength in me to do it. Another thing that I feel might help me is exercise. I am pretty skinny, and exercising will give me testosterone and maybe I will feel more manly from it. I don’t know if it’ll actually help. I guess I just need someone to assure me, give me advice. Anything. But either way, I am glad I’m doing progress by even typing this out and posting it. Did same thing on Reddit, but got no response.

Also, I don’t wanna and can’t really do actual professional therapy. Yet. I won’t be able to hide it from my parents (bills, insurance letters, me being under 21, idk, something will just leak out). And I don’t really believe in people giving good advice and helping for money.

Thank you for reading it.
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Default Mar 29, 2023 at 09:23 PM
  #2
I don't see anything "wrong" or disturbing about the frequency of your masturbation or the cuckold fetish that arouses you.

When I was your age, I'd masturbate daily or every other day. Sometimes twice a day, but rarely did I need or want it more frequently than that. So I'm not seeing that this is an addiction. And anyway, addiction isn't just about frequency. Rather, it would be if you use it to escape real life, especially if it interferes with your job or operating a motor vehicle, for example. And you're not engaging minors online or "crushing," both of which have an immoral leaning. A professional might disagree and say that your behavior prevents or delays real intimacy; I doubt it, though.

Also when I was young, I felt ashamed and wanted to limit or stop. I was raised Catholic and actually "confessed" about this behavior a few times. If there was any harm, it was that I had developed a distorted sense of females as sexual objects, even without looking at porn.

You are correct that "something will leak out" unless you pay cash. Insurance coverage provided by a parent would generate an Explanation of Benefits for every office visit. At the very least, the information your parents get would include your name and the practice name and (I think, maybe) codes for diagnosis and/or procedure. These codes might be very general though; it would be hard to infer the specific issue or treatment (if one is offered.)

I am very impressed with the courage it took for you to reach out and write about your issue. Even though this is anonymous, the disclosure still took guts.
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Default Mar 30, 2023 at 03:52 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by SquarePegGuy View Post
I don't see anything "wrong" or disturbing about the frequency of your masturbation or the cuckold fetish that arouses you.
Thank you very much for your response. It is really pleasing to have someone acknowledge me and support me, because anything I posted online before was ignored. I am grateful.

My masturbation addiction doesn’t necessarily ruin my life or anything, but it is often that I will masturbate just because I am experiencing stress or simply because I’m bored. I can do much better things in these situations, but instead I masturbate and even feel bad afterwards because of the fetish I used.

Even if masturbation itself doesn’t affect me much (which I think isn’t true, I just can’t identify the issues it’s causing right now), my cuckold fetish definitely affects me in bad ways. It is ruining my self-esteem at the very least. If I watch a movie, anime, read a story or anything like that, I will most likely imagine cheating and cuckold scenarios with the characters, and actually look them up on porn sites. Maybe even see people in real life and do the same imagining.

I also fear that since I mostly masturbate to cuckold fetish, I will not be able to have a proper sexual inter course with a woman once I get there. Will I be turned on? Will I have an erection? Will I be able to ejaculate?

I feel like before I do anything about my masturbation addiction, I need to do something about my cuckold fetish addiction. I really hope that this will end just like any other fetish ended, but something more terrifying might replace it. So maybe I need to actually cut off my masturbation at all for it not to happen. I’m not even sure what to do.

But again, thanks for replying. I will use your words to help me find the solution that I am looking for.
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Default Mar 30, 2023 at 08:15 PM
  #4
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Originally Posted by throwawayhighdog View Post
Thank you very much for your response
You're welcome

Quote:
Originally Posted by throwawayhighdog View Post
-snip-
I also fear that since I mostly masturbate to cuckold fetish, I will not be able to have a proper sexual inter course with a woman once I get there. Will I be turned on? Will I have an erection? Will I be able to ejaculate?
For me, masturbation is so much different than making love with a partner. All my fantasies vanish when I'm with a woman. I'm "out of my head" and "in the here and now." There's no room for any internal script. And the experience is about pleasing the other not pleasing yourself. But in pleasing her, you'll get pleasure, too.

I can understand your fear, but I think you won't have the problems you anticipate. One more thing, I don't think women care if a man reaches climax unless they're trying to conceive. In fact it seems the longer you can go before ejaculating the better.

Quote:
Originally Posted by throwawayhighdog View Post
But again, thanks for replying. I will use your words to help me find the solution that I am looking for.
Good luck!
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Default Mar 31, 2023 at 04:56 PM
  #5
Me and you aren't too different from each other. I started masturbating to porn from a very young age. I'm also a 22 year old virgin guy (being virgin at this age is quite normal actually)


As other posters have mentioned, addiction is really about how it affects your day to day life, rather than specific frequency.

I'm not a scientist, so what I'm about to say may not be 100% correct. But I have heard that if you keep on doing the same thing (such as masturbate to porn), the next day, you need more porn, or in your case, more intense/unique fetishes. This keeps on cycling up until normal porn just doesn't work for you. That may be what is happening to you.

A possible solution is to take a break from it, which in theory should give time to your brain to "reset", so that normal porn is fine for you.

You also mention you masturbate when stressed or bored. This happened to me, where I ended up masturbating excessively just to get a temporary relief/destress. However when your genitals start to get cuts, then that is a sign of excessive masturbation.


However, I do want to mention that I don't think there is anything wrong with having "cuckhold" fetish for porn. Ik it's a popular "category" at the moment on porn sites. It only becomes a problem if it starts to affect real relationships, consume massive amount of time that work gets affected, or bodily injuries (like small cuts for excessive masturbation)



Hope this reply helps. Feel free to private message me if you want to.
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Default Apr 01, 2023 at 01:46 AM
  #6
I like your honestly @throwawayhighdog I am female and I gave myself a lot of guilt for masturbating when I was younger (I am now 54). I grew up Catholic and was told it was a sin, a point of view I now disagree with vehemently.

You are not a bad person for masturbating as much as you want, or for having fantasies. If something arouses you I don't see why you shouldn't think about that. It's just thoughts. That said, if it is really bothering you I would suggest talking to a professional counselor/therapist. You might want to look up the clinical definition of addiction because I'm not sure your activities would qualify.


Sometimes a sexual thing is appealing precisely because it is "forbidden fruit" and thus seems shameful. If you accept that you have this fantasy for a psychological reason, you might find its grip lessens.


Take care.
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Default Apr 01, 2023 at 11:25 AM
  #7
Honestly there is nothing wrong with you.

The human body is designed to crave sex. It's the added guilt and shame therapy would help you work through when you are ready.

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