Post No. 2 - Is this an addiction

Starting in my early 20s I was in a relationship for 8 years. The first four of those we had amazing sex, we filmed ourselves doing it often. We got a rush from doing it in public places risking getting noticed such as clubs, rest areas, beaches. After our first child was born, our sex life changed to the other extreme. No sex at all. To this day I’m not sure what exactly happened but the fact is my ex quit loving me. She became distant and defensive. A lot happened the last year we were together, her father passed away, she got fired at her job and she found ways to blame me for just about everything. We got divorced and I begun dating again two years later. I found a nice girl and I ended up marrying her two years after that. Sex was never great. She does not like giving or getting oral sex, hates the idea of filming during sex, and has no interest in having sex in public spaces. However, she is very predictable and steady. We’ve been together 5 years now and have had a child. We have sex twice a week on average and it’s nothing to write home about but it gets the job done. I do miss the wild, risky sex I had with my ex in my 20s. I know deep inside that the honesty and commitment I have in my current partner far outweighs the fun I had but I miss so much the high highs I had while having crazy sex with my ex. I sure hope that the yearning goes away over time, or that I come to understand why I placed so much value on that wild unrestrained sex. Thoughts?

So, you're in your mid-thirities now?

I've been involved with the Lifestyle and BDSM. I'm celibate now, but if I were to enter into another relationship, it would need to be open... but, alas, I'm getting long in the tooth, so I'd probably settle for cocoa. haha

From my p-o-v, if you liked what you experienced, you're probably always going to think about it from time to time.

Yes, I am in my late thirties now. In principle, it shouldn't be difficult to think about the things I liked in the past and accept that they are no longer there. For example, my grandma has passed. She was an amazing person and I loved spending time with her. I don't think about her every day, or even every week or every month. I live in peace with the fact that she is no longer with us. Yet somehow I miss my ex way more than grandma even when grandma had a way bigger role in raising me. Makes no sense. I like your point of view, I have no problem thinking about it from time time. That is manageable. When the thinking becomes craving it is when it becomes unmanageable for me.

A "craving ... it becomes unmanageable..."?

That sounds like language used in a 12-step program. Have you been to such a group?

What do you think? Do you have an addiction?

This is not an addiction.

I am sorry you cannot recreate what you had with your current woman.