[FosterEdan]

thanks for the info

[SethMiguel]

i have read this. Thanks for info.

[Buffy01]

Thank you for the information.

[luvyrself]

Originally Posted by Klaus

I am a 40 y.o. married, male, sex addict and also suffer from severe anxiety. I see and have seen a female therapist for a couple years now. As a man and a sex addict it is very easy to be triggered or want to act out, I am also an exhibitionist.
Here is what I am having trouble with. Recently I saw my therapist panties when she got into her chair for session, she often sits curled up in it and always wears dresses and skirts. This is about the 5th time I have seen them or up her dress in recent months. 3 weeks ago she leaned forward and I could see one of her nipples as her blouse and bra came forward. I told her as I have told her in the past when I can see her panties. She said I must be mistaken. I assure you I am not. As an addict who finds her attractive I look for these things. I know when I see them. Well last week I accidently took a whole Viagra before our session with all my morning anxiety and depression meds. I just wasnt thinking and I am new to having them. During session I became aroused and told her such because we were having a frank discussion about sex and the trouble I have had climaxing. (The reason I have Viagra is because the SSRI drugs reduced my ability to ejaculate at all and I was told this would help). I noticed several times that she was glancing over at my clearly visible arousal in my shorts. This just made me worse as an exhibitionist (and yes she knows I am, I have always been very open and honest). I actively began to move my erection with my arm as I tried to hide it but just again made it worse. Finally after about 15 minutes I suggested that maybe I should masturbate as I had not climaxed but had sex several times over the previous couple weeks and was very frustrated combined with the working Viagra and still changing cycle of meds I take. She suggested I cover my self with a pillow and go to the restroom to try. I didnt want to risk that so I asked if I could in her office, she agreed that would be safer and got up to leave. As she was leaving I was so aroused and into it I pulled my erection from my shorts and began before she left the office. She stopped at the door to get something, turned back and took a long look at my genitalia in my hand and then left. I did not climax because I thought she was angry or was going to fire me as a client for my behavior. She returned about 5 minutes later and knocked, asked if I was ok. I said there was no success and she came in and we finished the session. I sincerely apologized for my behavior and she said it was ok. Never once did she get mad, seem upset or scared. Is it just me or do I see several red flags in her bahavior? I ask, did she possibly enjoy this or want to be a part of it? As a sex therapist she is aware I would be attempting to see up her dress or down her shirt? Is she VERY understanding having known me for so long and let it slide? Should she have ended session and sent me away or even called the police for my behavior. As far as I am concerned she allowed me to act out. Is it possible she is actually a sex addict as well and also an exhibitionist and has been in a sense taking advantage of me all this time and now is starting to act out herself towards me? We often will have a hug after a session before I leave or she will pat me on the back. I have read that is also a no-no. I have a feeling I know the answer but should I seek out a new therapist? I am getting to the point to where I am addicted to coming to see her and I think she knows it.

Get a male doctor. She is giving you more problems rather than taking them away. My t is likewise driving me crazy. She says things like my h will never change his behavior when in fact he would but it would exhaust me to lead him thru it. Etc, etc. constantly oversimplification Yikes, these people. Yours too lazy or f-d up to wear suitable clothes. Why aren’t these people thrown out of the profession. And 15 mins for a pdoc session? Doc John, why can’t something be done about these things. How can we organize to change things. Pls no pat answer. Yes we have nami etc but no changes happen. Specifics, pls.

[Craggyva]

Wanted to introduce myself. I am a 49 year old married man with kids that is experiencing an addiction to sex. It is all I can ever think about. I have looked for local counseling, but resources are thin in my area. Hope to get some insight from others who may have the same issues.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by anneavonlee

Hello, I am Anne. I don't know how to use this forum or this whole site, I can't seem to understand where posting should be placed for new comers. If you could help me that would be great. Thanks

Welcome.

[Projectra]

Hi everyone.
I am fresh in this group as well. However, I am not that fresh with addictions. I used to do hard drugs as a teen and went through 2 years of re-hab and 3 more years of therapy. I guess my sex addiction took a full swing before I was 20 years old. I never realized I was sex addict. For years I was reasoning for myself that I am only treating guys just as they were treating me.

You know, I always had this feeling that I can’t be loved, and people just wants sex from me. Sex kind of become a tool to feel powerful. Independent. To revenge. To punish. And so on. I also thought that at least I am living a boring life. I never told anyone how many partners I have had.

Until I met a man who was another traumatized sex addict. He forced me to reflect my own behavior by having multiple partners alongside me (just like I had other partners alongside him). I got very upset by his behavior and walked away. It took me months to analyses why I got so angry from something that I have done over and over again. It also made me realize how my action have hurt many people and I have quite likely broken hearts. After him however I felt that I don't want this no more; always new guys, always lying or hiding the truth. And it could be said that last year I started my recovery.

So after over a year I met him again and he wanted me to be him again. I was seeing him briefly and we had very honest conversations about our sexual history. But unlike me, he did not see any problems of having countless numbers of partners. His attitude was more like at least we lived. I am not so sure about it. I think now-a-days that I actually I lost more than gained with my little addiction. I lost the possibility for a lifelong companion and shared memories. I felt torn as at the same time I felt that he is like me, he can understand me like I can understand him, and I honestly felt that we were meant to be. However, at the same time he made me feel bad, like really bad, as nothing has changed with him, and I don't think he was willing to face his problems. So, I walked away again 4 months ago.

While I was away from him and I avoided sex, guess what I did? I started drinking. One bottle of wine per evening can't hurt anyone eh? So, in order not to shag anything that moves I numb myself with the booze. Today I admitted to myself that I am an sex addict. And in order to obtain a better life and to some degree a healthy relationship I need to face my trauma, problems and be an active part of my personal change. I want to heal.I am done with addictions ruling my life. And I have been wrong all my life: I am worthy of love.

In order to get help for sex addiction is it not easy where I live in. There are not literally any help available for sex addicts apart from couple of SAA groups and those are all for males.

Sorry for spelling mistakes and possibly missing words.

[bigal838]

Hello!!

My addiction to internet porn has gotten out of control.
It's been robbing me of $$ but, even worse, robbing me of valuable time that I could be spending on my business instead.

I know what I need to do, but have been unable to do it:
I feel like all I need to do is make spending time watching porn very UNAPPEALING and make spending time on my business very APPEALING.

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions?
It will be appreciated.

[David890]

Originally Posted by babyfairyfifi

I'm a reformed sex addict but have had periods of no libido whatsoever ( due to depression, l later found out) and now have a high sex drive but do not have the sex addiction any longer.
You ask how to tell if you are a sex addict or not? From the main body of your question it seemed to me that you were just highly sexed but then I got to the last line :I am afraid to go to a place because I am thinking that I will want to hook up with someone there and have sex with them.

That line in itself may indicate a sex addiction depending on what that fear is based on, and how much that fear intrudes into your normal life.
In my mind, any addiction is easily identified as it is behaviour that gets in the way of having a 'normal' existence. If you are feeling horny and you have sex 20 times a day and feel great, and it doesn't impact negatively on your life or the life of your loved ones, then hey go for it! But, if you feel you need to have sex compulsively despite the ramifications and disruption it may cause to the rest of your life and your family, then that is a clear indication of an addiction.

My experience of sex addiction was that it was my way of trying to comfort myself after painful emotional incidences. I would reach for the phone to call someone to come over absolutely compulsively , but then never actually enjoy the encounter. I would reach orgasm but feel horribly removed emotionally and would often cry afterwards. I would always regret the encounter, but that in turn would lead to a vicious circle of my feeling low, then reaching for the phone once more.
It was only when I shared this with my sister ( who self harms) did I realise that that my behaviour and feelings leading up to the compulsion matched hers before she cut herself. I used a different implement to harm myself ...

My addiction came from a non sexual root, my early years relationship with my mother who has NPD.

I've now explored and come to terms with my past, and my sexual addiction has evaporated.
In its place is good self esteem, access to intimacy and a healthy , loving, fulfilling sex life.

Good luck, it's a long hard journey ahead, but it's worth it.

Hi can I ask how you managed to over come your addiction? I'm new to the site and don't know how to navigate it really but did you have a lot of counselling for example?