My husband does not want to have sex

anxietygirl · May 14, 2009 at 01:32 PM

We have not had sex for the last 3 years. He is 35 and says he has no interest in sex. How is that possible? I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life with no companionship. He sleeps on the couch. We haven't shared a room together for the last 8 years. This isn't normal, why is it happening. He had 3 affairs in our marriage and I forgave him. Why is he ignoring me. We dont even kiss or hug. When I ask for a hug, he complains. I try to be supportive. He is going to school full time and not working and I am paying all the bills because I want to help. I feel like he is disgusted by me. I don't know what to do. He won't go to a counselor. Honestly, if some guy came along and showed me any kind of attention, I would cheat in a heartbeat.

Sincerely,
Lonely

lynn P. · May 14, 2009 at 01:45 PM

Hi Anxietygirl,
I'm sorry, this must be horrible for you. Have you tried to get him into couples counselling? If not see if you can. You need to tell him nicely that you need things to change in order to stay in this marriage. He also needs to open up and tell you why he's doing this. If he doesn't co-operate, then I think you should get out of the marriage. All th best.

bearchic34 · May 15, 2009 at 10:33 AM

To be honest he's probably thinking why should he. He can get sex outside your marriage and you forgive him, your paying all the bills so all he has to do is worry about his school. He's having his cake and eating it too while you support him.
He is USING you. I will bet as soon as he finishes school & gets a job in his chosen field he will be out of there.
I am not trying to be hurtful, this is just what I see from the short post that you have written.
Good luck making the best decision for YOU

Rhapsody · May 15, 2009 at 02:06 PM

While I hate to say it - it sounds as though he is taking advantage of you at every corner and you are allowing it.... he has no reason to work at the marriage, therefore, he is not going to.

((( HUGS ))) to YOU...

Maven · May 17, 2009 at 03:10 AM

My boyfriend hasn't had sex with me in ten years. It was him not wanting to in the beginning, but my OCD's gotten so much worse, that I don't want to, anyway (meaning, I don't want to touch him, because that bugs my OCD so much; it's not that I don't desire sex and touch).

I don't recommend cheating. If you're not happy in your marriage, you need to communicate, and if he won't listen, you have to decide if you're going to live with it, or divorce him. Dissatisfaction in a relationship is not an excuse to cheat. Believe me, I understand how you're feeling, because I ache for a sexual and loving relationship, too.

Aside from that, I basically agree with what the others have said. I think you're letting him treat you this way. He cheated three times! He doesn't value your relationship.

blue cloud · May 18, 2009 at 01:46 PM

HAs he get the ablity to do that
If so first take him to a doctor
if he refuses leave him before he leaves you
if the doctor tell you that he is not able to do
be more patient

susan888 · May 18, 2009 at 07:53 PM

(((((anxiety girl)))))

I have so been where you are. Married 13 years. The primary issue was he couldn't accept my child (which he was so into before we married). That was the only thing we ever fought about. We went to counseling 3 times but the counselor thought he was wrong and need to be seen apart from me....That was the end of that...he wouldn't go back. I was 26 when we married and 39 when I finally left him. We hadn't been intimate for four years. He just loved my paycheck, the house, the boat and the things..... He got my best years and I hate that. I hope yours isnt the same but I can identify with how much that hurts to have your man not want you....Be gpod to yourself because this is NOT your fault!!!!

salukigirl · May 19, 2009 at 06:29 PM

I agree that he is just walking all over you. I wouldn't have even forgiven him after the first time of cheating! You must have a huge heart to go through all that and still want to help him. Good luck with everything!

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Rhapsody Wise Elder Member Since Jan 2006 Location: Florida Posts: 9,946 18 1 hugs given	May 15, 2009 at 02:06 PM #4 While I hate to say it - it sounds as though he is taking advantage of you at every corner and you are allowing it.... he has no reason to work at the marriage, therefore, he is not going to. ((( HUGS ))) to YOU...
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blue cloud Member Member Since Feb 2009 Location: Egypt Posts: 103 15	May 18, 2009 at 01:46 PM #6 HAs he get the ablity to do that If so first take him to a doctor if he refuses leave him before he leaves you if the doctor tell you that he is not able to do be more patient __________________ I desire for you what I desire for myself.
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salukigirl Magnate Member Since Oct 2007 Location: Fayetteville, AR Posts: 2,798 16 2 hugs given	May 19, 2009 at 06:29 PM #8 I agree that he is just walking all over you. I wouldn't have even forgiven him after the first time of cheating! You must have a huge heart to go through all that and still want to help him. Good luck with everything!
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