Feeling so guilty about being bi

Hello.

I was almost afraid to post here.

but I think I need to.

I have had issues about sex all of my life and guilt feelings about my sexuality all my life. I have been teased and tortured all through my childhood and even through some of my adulthood about my sexuality!

Well, here's my situation now, that brings me here to this forum:

I just broke up with someone after a six-month involvement with him. A week ago, he introduced me to his sister. Since then she and I have grown very close. She is very easy to talk to and be with.

The other night, I had been diagnosed with a bladder disease and as she was an accupressurist, she had come over to my house to give me a treatment for the pain. After ward I fell asleep, gratefully. Last thing I remeber was her sweet face bending over me before she left.

The next mornign, I realized I had a crush on her.

I am still new to "gay feelings". I must be bi, because I know that I AM attracted to both men and women; I have had relationships with both men and women.

But I feel guilty about being lesbian---esp. being bi.

I could not STAND the idea of her knowing, so I avoided her all day yesterday, until she cornered me, asking me what was wrong, and I broke down and told her.

She still accepts me, now, but I am still avoiding her, cause I am feeling so ashamed of myself and my body and my sexuality and I still cannot accept myself.

Can anyone relate?

Thanks,

Billi

(((Billi)))

I don't know who I am 99% of the time, so I can relate to your shame very well! It sucks !!

I wish that I had some advice to help you through. Have you considered looking into local support groups (in your area) to help you come to terms with your sexuality? Perhaps meeting with others, who are dealing with similar issues, can help you adjust more easily.

Shez

Hello, and thank you for your reply.

I have gone to a group called Bi-forum, but they have things like orgies and things and I am not comfortable with the people cause they hit on me all the time. My transportation situation is limited; my eyes are bad, so I cant' drive. i take the bus; it's hard to get places and I don't have many friends and no more family.

Most of my support, now, is online. Thank goodness for the internet!

sometimes I spend hours online. My roommate has to remind me to eat and even to go to the bathroom! lol

Billi

Billi, I wonder if you could look at why you feel guilty for having bi feelings. Is it simply because society has deemed there is something "wrong" with having these feelings?

What I guess I mean is this: Guilt, in my opinion, should only come after you have hurt someone or something. Who have you hurt?

Please don't let some close minded veiws make you feel bad for having true and honest feelings. There is nothing "wrong" with being gay, lesbian, bi, or trans.

In this day and age, feelings of guilt regarding sexual orientation cannot really be based on the actual reality of modern society.

Is it just possible that you dredge up these feelings of "guilt" in order to make your "illicit" relationship even more exciting and a turn-on?

Totally. I came out bi at 14. Do not be ashamed. I had a very wise teacher who told me everyone is born bi, we are just socialized out of it.
I understand the avoiding thing. Been there, done that.
But, I repressed my gay feelings for many years and several husbands. They beat me. Finally, single I placed an online ad for a new man...somehow my ad got published out of state in w for w. She called, we talked for 5 hours, and I knew. We talked daily and after a while I went to visit her. That was 14 years ago!!!! 14 years of being Safe,of being Truly Loved and Understood. Just wish I'd found her earlier!
Don't make the same mistake I made, Billi. Especially now, Bi's are chic! Just be you. Honestly,for the ones who really matter, tha twill be more than good enough.

There is nothing to be embarrased about. You are what you are and there's nothing wrong with it. Be proud of YOU