Ever make excuses to get out of sex?

I'm just curious about this one.

My fiancee and I have had a pretty typical sex life. Obviously in the beginning of our relationship, we were like rabid animals and couldn't get enough physical attention from each other. I'll be honest here and say that she enjoyed some very rough sex for the first couple of years of our relationship. I was the one typically trying to take my time - go slow - enjoy her body but she would tell me basically faster.. harder, etc.

At first, I didn't really like it - but it kind of grew on me. One day she just tells me that she can't handle it like that and that it sometimes hurts. Had she told me that - instead of faster, harder... I surely would have made some changes. Anyway..

3.5 years later - we're still pretty active (and experimental with each other when we have the ideas!) ranging from 1-2 times per week. That's not really an issue for me as it seems to work out for us.

Sometimes, though... there are days when I want to just maul her! She may say she's just not in the mood, even after me doing what I think is my best to put her there. She may just have a headache or is simply too tired. While I understand - and this may just be me, I could be sleep deprived for a 24 hour period and still be able to physically perform and thoroughly enjoy it. However, I tend to enjoy my sleep - that's just an example.

Other days, I can not even try and she will maul me without provocation! It's a rarity for sure, but "in the mood" or not, I can usually get there pretty quickly. Is that just me?

I fully understand that there is quite a bit more to a relationship than just sex. Right now, it seems as if we're on a routine.. Like she has it planned out when it'll happen or even if.

Typically, she works 3 days out of the week (and is gone for that period) and is off for four days straight. When she gets home on Thursday nights - Regardless of anything - sex isn't in the question. Actually, nothing is. Shopping? Haha. Goin' out to dinner? Forget it. She wants to chill at home on the couch just watching tv and zombieing.

Fridays - almost every friday, while i'm at work - she'll tell me that she's masturbated that day and did it for hours (I'm in awe every time lol. When I do my business, we're talkin' 15 minutes, TOPS) and thats usually when I "know" we'll be having sex.

She tells me about her job and i've even visited her there (w/her wanting me to come and visit). Physically, her job could be defined as lax. She takes care of three people - two of which are capable of taking care of themselves, they just need someone to nudge them to get them motivated. The other is in a wheelchair - the hardest part about her job is bathing him once daily.

I understand that can be straining, but compared to my job - that would be easy work. (I'm an auto tech - and believe it or not, my job is physically demanding on a daily basis)

So, to the point here - is it possible that she's mentally wore out and unable to thoroughly enjoy sex due to that? Physically she can't be quite -that- tired. SHe's in her early twenties.

When I ask her about it she just says she's "tired". So I don't really know. What about the cliche "I have a headache" line? I know there are days when she truly does have a headache but won't take an advil to save her life. Other days, I believe she's just saying that to "get me off her back" so to speak.

Have you ever had a partner who physically wore you out and you couldn't keep up? I hope I'm not -that- guy. As of late though, I've not even so much as tried to get her in the mood because I know we'll have sex when she is ready and it's not as if it's few and far between.. and my efforts are typically fruitless anyway.

I don't know - I guess i'm just pondering over the "routine" type of feel that our sex life has become and comparing it to the passionate and very spur of the moment that it used to be.

Is this pretty typical for couples? Or is it something that varies between individuals? The Routine I mean.

I would say that while this type of thing is typical for some couple it still varies as to the why and when the sex will happen.... and I have personally found that I started to have sex more with my husband (after he had slacked off from having sex) when I stopped trying and asking him for it.
...\\ maybe you too should try playing the waiting game and maybe this time you will win.

Now as far as the passion goes that was first felt with in the first 6-12 months of any relationship..... its like a roller coaster and you will have to learn when to ride and when to hide.

Thanks for the reply Rhapsody!

Essentially, that is what I am doing for the time being - I don't really put a whole lot of effort forth (if any at all these days lol) into turning her on. I've found that she's in the mood when she's in the mood and will then put her moves onto me.

Typically, those days are Fridays & Sundays and if I'm really lucky - Mondays.

Tuesday - Thursday she's living in a residence taking care of her clients (However, for the last 3 weeks - she's been working doubles and has been gone from Tuesday - Sunday - Luckily, this week is her last double for a while I'm hoping)

Sometimes, in the back of my mind, I wonder if it's a "control" thing... It happens now when she says it does. My line of thinking isn't always the straightest though.

Either way - it's hard to "play the waiting game" at times. I mean, at the very beginning of our relationship - I was obviously very physically attracted to her as she is quite a stunning woman to look at. (Especially when she thinks she at her worst - no make up, hair not perfect, etc.. I love that homely look on her)

Even now, I feel the same way as she is still just as beautiful if not more-so, and my emotional connection with her has definitely grown MUCH stronger - It's very hard to keep my hands to myself, but I am putting the effort forth to make it happen lol.

As you said.. I'll have to learn when to "Ride or Hide".

Thanks again for the reply!

-Gleak

No offense -- and feel free to discard this if it does not apply to you -- but limiting how much you expose yourself to unreal worlds in this regard (TV, internet, esp. crap like Craig'sList, movies, p0rn, magazines, etc.) and not taking that garbage seriously will do wonders. Then you will stop having expectations and start enjoying the life and relationships you DO have instead of wanting the fantasies you DON'T have (and won't ever find).

I think its just because she's a woman. Women don't generally require sex as much as men do. Men are usually practically dripping with Testosterone and all they can think about is sex. Its just the difference in how men and women are made. Nothing is wrong with neither one of you. However you might inquire with the lady if she is having any dryness issues because women do as they age and that can make frequent sex uncomfortable. Women get that way as they age as their hormone levels drop. A water-based lube might help. Also a lot of women get fibro as they get older and don't feel like having sex or doing anything else for that matter. Having to bath that old man may also be a turn off or he may be making advances towards her so she's tired of dealing with a man by the time she gets home. Just some thoughts...

Sorry, but as one whats got a biological female body, Moriah has to say you bes WRONG WRONG WRONG!! Good GRIEF it never gets enough sex ..... if you could stick orgasms in an IV drip Moriah would hook it into its arm and just lay there all day convulsing in ecstasy. (Bonus if you mix in the entire retinue of Goetic servitors ... .... mmmmm ... Goetic orgasm IV drip .... YESSSS!!!)