My wife is not sexually attracted to me

We have been married 23 years. We have discussed many things recently, I'll describe the details below. Most importantly, she said she never felt sexually attracted to me during our marriage. That hurt. She said that our relationship is perfect in all ways, except for that, we did have sex frequently, rarely good however. Now the details (not in any particular order): she recently went back to work after basically being a stay at home Mom raising our 4 kids; she is a lawyer and works mainly with lawyers - mostly men; she was very uncomfortable with her skills and relied on help from other lawyers outside of her firm and developed a close relationship with one man who gave her quite a bit of help in her work. She describes their relationship as being friends. This is what she has told me. She did say that her sexual desires have become heightened, but she is not interested in our sexual relationship. Basically, she said if we had a closer sexual relationship she feels that she would not have gotten to the point where she has become curious, attracted towards others. She said she wants to get our relationship fixed and stay together. The options are continue as we were, or attempt to improve our sexual relationship, or call it quits. It is very sad to think of the last option, even the first option is pretty sad. How do we make the second option work? We have talked about the details of sex and a major problem is PE. But she has a mental block toward our sex.

I am sorry to hear that you and your wife are going through such a difficult time in your marriage right now.... ((( hugs )))
Does your wife say why she has not been able to find attraction for you - her husband?

Many issues, but primarily we were inexperienced lovers at the start. We were not good communicators in this area, neither one of us took charge to identify any problem. We just went along in our life doing a good job at parenting, caring for each other, but never developing a passionate love. Now she has this feeling that it didn't happen after all these years so how could it happen now. We were joking that we almost need to be brainwashed or drugged to help us see each other as someone new. She sees me as her family man, provider, nurturing friend instead of a passionate, romantic, wild lover.

I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and I hope things work out.

Grass always seems better on the other side. Although the thought of being with another man can often be enticing and bring feelings of excitement and adventure it's never as good as it seems.

As for the marriage working out it sounds like it's really up to her. Marriage isn't dependent on sex, it's dependent on commitment.

I wish you the best of luck.

Then I would do things to change her perspective of you in the love making area... in and out of the bed room. Women want to be romanced during love making and when she is dressed in a t-shirt and blue jean shorts doing nothing but working in the yard.

You are so right. It is how I feel, the fact that I love her. I need to show that in romantic ways. It will need to be unconditional acts so that she does not see it as self serving or manipulative. This may get my head focused on some positive stuff for a change. Thanks much!

As for the marriage working out it sounds like it's really up to her. Marriage isn't dependent on sex, it's dependent on commitment.

You are right regarding both of these statements. For her she slides back and forth from the idea of being committed to the curiosity about the grass on the other side of the fence. Thanks for caring!