writing down sexual fantasies (extremely self-conscious)

Hi, Billi here.

I'm dealing with a lot of sexual self-hatred right now.

I am writing some stories right now for therapy about sex. One of them is about a girl who is going on a date and having sex for the first time.

Any of you Star Trek fans? Well, the setting in the Enterprise D, and this female ensign is being asked by Commander Data for a date.

I can't seem to get past the part where she is in her quarters thinking about saying yes.

I can't even get her to say yes, but I want her to.

My friends say that I can make her do whatever I want to in the story, and I want to make her have a good time but I'm afraid to.

It might be good to note here that I do have a lot of sexual fantasies about Commander Data, but have a lot of trouble writing them down, even though my therapist has promised not to read them to anyone, and my journal is passworded.

I suspect that I am just inhibited or that I just feel very guilty.

I think I feel the same way about playing the guitar. I just can't stand to hear myself play or sing.

I can't stand to see my own fantasies; they're disgusting.

Billi

I don't think there's anything wrong with your fantasies, at least, not from what you told me.

Thank you.
Another fantasy I have is of Data giving her a massage, prescribed by Dr. Crusher. The girl has chronic headaches from bereavement of the death of a family member (this happened in my actual life). Dr. Crusher prescribes medication, counseling and massage therapy. The girl askes where to go for massage therapy and the doctor says, "Report to Commander Data." The girl goes: "You're kidding---the android??"

I dont have any reccomendations but I just wanted to say I too have a huge crush on Commander Data. I think hes spicy hot!

I mean, come on! How can we have crushes on ANDROIDS? LOL. LMAO
B.

What you're writing is called fan fiction. There are many people who write stories (of all ratings, including adult and glbtqi/gay, lesbian and other sexualities) who love all kinds of shows, movies, and characters. There are communities for "fanfic" writers, and you can read all kinds of fantasies and other writings. Here's a list of some sites for you (I don't have time to check to see if they're all active--some were added to my bookmarks long ago--but most should be):

Adult Fan Fiction
http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/
http://www.sharpetorium.info/slash/slash1.html
http://www.ckos.net/
http://www.mcstories.com/

Organizations
http://www.dreslough.com/main/burned/
http://fanlists.populli.org/
http://www.trickster.org/fca/
http://www.inkstigmata.net/slashrevolution.html

Misc
http://www.fanlib.com/
http://www.fandomination.net/
http://www.fanfiction.net/
http://www.fanficweb.net/cgi-bin/fanficdir/page.cgi?d=1
http://www.fanfix.net/
http://www.fanworksfinder.com/
http://www.ficwad.com/
http://www.secret-panel.net/
http://www.slashcity.com/directory.html
http://www.slashfanfiction.com/
http://www.squidge.org/
http://glassonion.populli.org/
http://www.squidge.org/~peja/

Fanfic Writing Tips
http://www.trickster.org/fannishbutt...10_peeves.html
http://www.waynesthisandthat.com/writefanfic.htm
http://www.waynesthisandthat.com/tensteps.htm
http://www.chillingeffects.org/fanfic/
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Laby...es/fanfic.html
http://writersu.s5.com/english/howtowrite4.html
http://writersu.s5.com/

Additionally, you can Google "fan fiction" AND "star trek" and get a plethora of sites.

Hi, Billi here.

An update on this thread; I don't usually write on an existing thread, but I thought I'd just tell you that I finally wrote some fanfic on Data and the girl. It's titled "Love Machine". Cliche, but couldn't think of a more original title.
Anyway, Maven, I checked out "fanfiction.net" and found a story called Rollercoaster, about Data and Tasha. I was kind of frustrated because there was no sex, just suggestive talk about a relationship and lovemaking.
I'm a dirty old woman lol I like reading more graphic stuff.
well, I wrote some.
And I am also doing a yahoo group called StarTrekDataFanClub, for women over 18.
I am attempting to free my mind and not feel so ashamed of my sexuality and my feelings.
Thanks,
B.

Wishing you the best of luck in dealing with your sexual confidence. Fantasies are fun, and most of the time, you're not alone in having them, even kinky ones.

I was a Star Trek fan...I remember having a fantasy about Data. I don't particularly think he was cute, but having a relationship with him was appealing for some reason. I guess because I couldn't hurt his feelings and could just walk away with no guilt when the novelty wore off...which in most of my RL relationships always seems to happen.

Wrting down sexual fantasies to share in therapy....sounds like a VERY difficult thing to do.

I would love to have sex with Data!! You make me want to write a fanfic. . .so I think I will just go and do that! Best to you!

Hey, let me know when you do it. I wanna look at it.

I am also doing a yahoo group called Star_Trek_Data_Fan_Club@yahoogroups.com

It's for female fans, 18 and older.

billi