 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
Junior Member
Member Since Apr 2008
Posts: 9
16 |
Aug 12, 2009 at 11:43 AM
#1
My boyfriend can't have sex fully. He gets excited, but then he gets up and goes to the bathroom and jerks off. He says he has a "bladder problem". But it is sooo obvious what is going on. This has been a constant problem all his life(age 50). He has been married several times, but says he is sexually inexperienced. If he has never been able to penetrate a woman, then I can see why he would say that. I am wondering if the self abuse has become habitual. His self esteem is the lowest I have ever seen. I wish I could help him, but some other problems in the relationship are making me consider ending the relationship. Should I discuss it with him before I do so he will know it wasn't that? Or just get out while I can out of a bad scene? He's a mess, but a sweet one.
|
|
 Reply With Quote
|
|
Member
Member Since Aug 2009
Location: scary bible belt-landia :P
Posts: 30
14 |
Aug 14, 2009 at 04:41 AM
#2
This just feels too personal for me to tell you what you should do. Especially because I feel very biased just now being at the painful end of a relationship myself. I wonder if you would consider going to a therapist with him, not to neccessarily salvage things, but if you're really concerned with ending things compassionately and hopefully him continuing to get some help after your part is over?
|
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Pirate Goddess
Member Since Oct 2005
Location: South Jersey, USA
Posts: 5,246
18 513 hugs
given 
|
Aug 14, 2009 at 04:51 AM
#3
If he's been married several times, it seems he'd have had quite a bit of experience, but I suppose it's possible he's not been able to have sex with his wives, and eventually they broke up. Maybe he's extremely uncomfortable with women's bodies. Perhaps a book or educational video about sex (not porn, but a self-help video on the topic).
Why do you refer to it as "self abuse"? Masturbation is normal, and generally not harmful, unless one overdoes it and chafes oneself. If you decide to break up, it's probably a good idea to let him know it wasn't that, but he might not be willing to accept that isn't the problem. __________________ Maven If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream. Equal Rights Are Not Special Rights  |
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,143
15 885 hugs
given
|
Aug 14, 2009 at 07:34 PM
#4
Quote:
Here masterbation isnt considered self abuse. its considered perfectly normal. And maybe he really does have a bladder problem. I once dated someone who at the last minute had to head for the bathroom because he is bladder hurt every time he had sex. it turned out he needed surgery for a prostate problem that was causing him to feel like he had to pee every time he got it up. Ive also had a bladder problem myself where it hurt me to complete sex. the contractions of orgasm caused my kidneys and bladder muscles to release and tighten. surgery fixed the kidneys and keigle exercises fixed the rest of the problem |
|
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Member
Member Since May 2009
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 23
14 |
Aug 18, 2009 at 02:13 PM
#5
Hello, I have a similar problem I don't undertand it. either. I go through long dry spells with no women in my life. Ok I masturbate Maybe that might have had somethign to do my inability to maintain an erection and penetrate., If I do I can't ejaculate.
I was on a lot of SSI meds. That might have had something to do with my problem. It might be a medical problem. I hald polpys removbed one time. I went through a lot of emotional abuse in my life and that might have greatly affected self confidence and ability to perform I dunno. I can't speak for your husband. I would try to encourage him to see a doctor. He might have a medical condition. I sincerely hope you can work out your problems without going through a divorce. Good luck. |
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Ga
Posts: 13,936
19 34 hugs
given
|
Aug 18, 2009 at 06:48 PM
#6
I too am curious as to why you call masturbation self abuse.
I would talk to him about this issue though before you break it off. communication is the key to any relationship. __________________ He who angers you controls you! |
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,946
18 1 hugs
given
|
Aug 22, 2009 at 12:55 PM
#7
Sounds like your bf has trained his mind (our biggest sex organ) to respond to an orgasm only one way..... manual stimulation by means of his own hand - and I think the only solution for this issue is for him to stop what he is doing manually so he can give his mind a running chance for change into that of regular intercourse for his orgasms.
One needs to go 30 days for change to take place.... see if he is willing to try. |
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Elder
Member Since Feb 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 5,720
16
|
Aug 26, 2009 at 07:33 PM
#8
being a male I can relate
Rhapsody is 100% correct I can only achieve orgasm by masturbating do to years of pornography abuse |
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
 Rhapsody
|
|
Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,946
18 1 hugs
given
|
Aug 27, 2009 at 11:46 PM
#9
 How you doing Brian..... I haven't seen or talk with you in a while. |
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
