Sexual problem

I don't understand what is wrong with me. I can be turned on and not even realize it. I feel bad for my boyfriend because he's really depressed because I won't have sex with him. He went from being a real sweet guy about it to a real jerk because I won't give it to him. We could be messing around and I just flip out and start crying. I've never had anything bad happen to me that should affect me, but I am downright frightened of losing my virginity. He's basically scared me by telling me it's going to be real painful. I'm pretty small like 4'9 and 86 pounds. He's about 5'6 and weighs 250 some odd pounds. I think I'm afraid that he's going to crush me or something. We've tried just about everything to help me relax, but I can't seem to. I just feel there is something wrong with me.

This last weekend he went and ran at a demolition derby for his first time and he got 2nd place. I was really happy, but he wanted to have sex and I couldn't commit to do it. I don't know if I have a commitment problem or if it's something sexual. I'm only 22 years old and I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm tired of feeling bad for myself and my fiance. It just makes me want to cry because I don't know what to do. I've been hurt by him emotionally and I know I've probably done the same to him. I want to feel the connectedness because I love him, but I'm so afraid to.

Thank you

Firstly you should only have sex if you are truly ready and only you know when is the right time. Regarding the pain - for the majority of women. it's not painful and some do experience minor pain. Even though you're only 4'9, it doesn't mean that you're extra small in that area. You say you've been hurt emotionally - this concerns me a little. It's important that you feel very relaxed and open so your first experience can be enjoyable

I recommend you use a very good lubricant and you may want to play around with inserting a finger/fingers first. It's also important that you feel in control and that you can stop if you choose to back out. Don't worry he's not going to crush you.

Just remember that your body was designed to handle having sex and even babies. If a woman can have a baby then she can also have sex. On a lighter note I had both my girls with no anesthetic at all and for me it wasn't that bad. I've had worse stomach aches and headaches before. it's very important for it too be your choice and for you to be relaxed. If a persons not relaxed then sex can be difficult even for an experienced person. Best of luck.

If you are not ready, you are NOT READY! Don't let him pressure you into something you are not ready for. It's a BIG step.

I have to say you don't really sound like you want to do it. If you both aren't into it, than its not fair to you. I don't care if he gets mad, and actually, if he does get mad that you won't perform, that's a sign that things aren't right. When you are ready and with someone you actually want, it will be natural and not forced.

hi. Only do it if your sure about it. Use a water based lube which you can get from a chemist, sex shop or sexual health centre. He wont crush you. But if you would be more comfortable in a different position you could try doggy style or the girl on top position where you will have more control. Its normal to feel terrified about sex to begin with. Is there a youth centre that can talk to you about sex and relationships, its its ok to be a virgin but if you really want to take the next step it would be good to get some info about condoms and other contraception. Youth centres sometimes have clinics that are about sexual health. It hurts some people that have sex for the first time because they are not lubricated or relaxed enough. Take longer times on foreplay to begin with. If your not ready its ok don't let anyone force you to to.

As everyone has said, you shouldn't have sex if you're not ready, even if your fiance is pressuring you. Frankly, he wouldn't be my fiance anymore if he were pressuring me into doing something I'm not ready for. If he doesn't care about your feelings and is only about his satisfaction, you really should consider if you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Divorces can get messy, so it's better to really think hard before you agree to marriage.

I'm only 5'0" and was about 100 lbs. the first time I had sex. Yes, it hurt, possibly because I wasn't lubricated enough. Dr. Ruth, in one of her books or on her former TV show said that it's less likely to hurt if you're very aroused and lubricated. The hymen breaks often does hurt, but the pain will not last long, especially if the guy is gentle. There's nothing wrong with you; it's normal to be afraid the first time. Lots of girls are, and so was I. But you'll regret it if you do it before you're ready, and hold a lot of resentment against your partner, and possibly yourself.

In the orient, making love was considered a sacred act that should not be rushed into. A woman is different than a man. A man is ready physically in 5 minutes.
A woman should be ready psychologically as well as physically. If it does not feel like the time than just don't. If your boyfriend says sex or nothing, then maybe there is a more sensitive man you can find.
If you get to a place and maybe want to be closer physically with your boyfriend, then everything should feel natural and without anxiety.
The ancient chinese listened to quiet music and spent time in a garden becoming at peace in preparation for intimacy. This could be a beautiful room in your home sharing herb tea (alcohol actually is not a good idea because it makes you lose control)
If all this sounds good to you but unacceptable to your boyfriend, perhaps that is another piece of consideration in figuring out how compatible you two are.
I am going to end this post here, but if you want to hear more about the Chinese traditions you could reply to this post or private message me if you feel more comfortable not in a public forum.