the third person

i'm 23 year old woman who has had threesome sex with my friend and her boyfriend. The thing is it wasn't just meaningless sex to me. It meant something to me that I slept with both of them. I am having feelings that i don't understand about having sex with them. I feel that i'm being used for sex though, because i chatted with them on facebook and they keep talking about the next time we have sex together. It would be so much better if everyone in the threesome was single because there would be no power imbalance.

the power imbalance was something i was trying to explain to them on facebook chat. They didn't seem to understand. They kept saying things like we never forced you to have sex. When thats not even what the problem is. I chose to have sex with them. Its really weird, i wish i never slept with them now.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. Perhaps you can explain it to them in different terms, you feel like a toy to be played with and discarded at their whim and you were looking for something more.

correct me if I am wrong here. as I am understanding it it was not so casual to you and you would like more than just sex out of the "relationship"? threesomes and open marriages are very hard to deal with. been there done that. hon if this is what they are choosing though (casual sex) and not what you want then I would say don't do it again to perserver your feelings. it just isn't worth it.

I don't want a relationship with them as in marriage or lovers that would be eww and weird to me. Its just if i'm having sex with them casual or not, I don't want to feel used. It seems to me that they are making plans about there next sexual encounter with me without involving me or making sure that I actually want it. But thats the confusing part too is that certain parts of me do want it anyway they can get it but other parts are different and only want sex after a commitment. We have all been friends for years. I just want it to go back to normal without the pressure of sex.

I have been in the same situation, and to an extent, still am. Two of my very best friend, who are married, and I used to have threesomes pretty regularly. We were all open from the very start and made a point to talk extensively before we ever did because we didn't want to hurt our friendship in any way. After awhile, it seemed like the only time we were getting together anymore was when the wanted to have sex and they both seemed to be getting jealous when I would talk to other guys, almost like I was their "girlfriend". It really started to bother me a bit and ended up cutting it off. I dated someone for quite a few years and they didn't make any kind of sexual advances towards me in that time. After we split up we ended up having another night. I wouldn't let it happen again, just because of the previous situation. What I'm trying to say here is there are so many variables and each of you need to express what you are expecting and what you want out of it. If you are feeling like the only time they want to spend time with you is to have sex, tell them just that. Ask if you can spend an evening doing something else and maybe that will help you from feeling used. Best of luck to you

The problem with 3-ways is someone always gets left out.

Before you have your next three way, think about who will be the one left out. If it's clear it's probably going to be you, you have to ask yourself if you want to be that one left out with all the feelings that go with it.

hi i talked to my T about it today and i'v decided that i don't want to be the third person anymore. I want sex with more meaning which is not really possible with a threesome.

Sounds good Crystalrose! I'm glad you talked about it with T. You deserve meaningful relationships in your life. Please know that you are cared for here.

From what I have heard from others.... a threesome rarely ever works in the long run
and probably why sex was made for pairs, not triples.

Hi CR. I do not think that you can help having those feelings. There are reasons for them. If these are good, true friends, you may need to try to work at keeping them. Do not let this make you pull away.

I have also recently just had sex with the male alone. He made me have orgasms. So thats where some of the complicated feelings come from. I think its a valued judgement to say sex was made for two people only. Thats the way that feels most natural for people and most sexual positions only have two people involved but sexual activity can involve as many or as little people as you like or is possible. Lol! As long as it is consensual. Also sexual activity alone is quite normal also.

The first thing that came to mind was why not include a 4th?
Eliminates the "third wheel" feeling entirely.

I agree about open communication between all involved is essential for successful enjoyment, otherwise the possibility of resentment may result.

Shangrala

good point. Have thought about that, But when the number of ppl having sex increases so does the chance of an sti. Also there is no one that i would like to become involved in it. It is fun to do it but it becomes complicated. I think it was because i have had sex with him alone.. We did have a great time. Idk

That IS quite the concern...ANY contracted disease.
It's one of the reasons I eased up on my adventures of multiple inclusions. Infection has become too common anymore, and it scares the hell out of me. We can be careful and responsible regarding ourselves, but that still doesn't guarantee a clean partner.

So, what do we do to find healthy inclusions?..lol...Put an ad out, "Partner wanted. Certificate of clean health a MUST" ?
Hmmmm. (Although I have encountered such ads before, though never replied...lol).

And, yes..the more included, the more complicated it can become, depending on who (of course) and how often.

It is very possible that because you had a wonderful experience with him that one time, that that may be what you are longing for again. That can create some difficulty in the long run, depending on how his wife feels about you and him having your time together without her inclusion.

I hope this can work out for you. Multiple partners can be quite the enjoyment so long as there is communication & understandings at all times.

Good luck with your adventures. I wish you the best.

Shangrala