Do I have to want sex?

This is really disturbing me... I have recently broken up with a long time partner that really tried to help me through my sexual insecurities, yet I never really enjoyed full sex. I find I worry about losing my erection to such a degree that it ineviatbly happens, I find that it doesn't pleasure me much and feel like I'm some creature on the discovery channel... I just don't like it. I have sexual desire but would rather get rid of it myself if you know what I mean. I don't like the whole image of sex, the fact that it is supposed to be so important, the fact that you need to have a good 'sex life'. The thing is the break up was partly due to this problem and I have split with people before saying I wanted to be celibate. I am now very lonely and can't identify with other celibates as I do long for affection, long for passion, long for romance, long for kissing and touching, but actual full on sex just makes me feel - well I say its like dancing, you are supposed to enjoy it but it makes me feel very self conscious and although I understand why it should be pleasureable I would rather not do it. It doesn't bode well for my furture as I can't imagine finding someone that feels the same. I am 35.. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 27 and sometimes it seems that might be why I'm like this. Any help would be appreciated as I feel very depressed about it. By the way I suffer depression, and borderline personality as well.

do you think maybe it could be your image of yourself? the insecurities? I do believe you can find someone though that might feel the same way about it. don't beat yourself up over it hon. maybe you are putting too much pressure on yourself.

I'm interested to know - if you solve the erection problem and the anxiety that goes with it - would you want to have sex? There are people who classify themselves as Asexual - they aren't interested in having sex, but I don't think you would fall under this category because you enjoy intimacy in other ways. Best of luck

I found this link that may hold some answers for you. I hope that it helps.

Go to asexuality org (Sorry it's not a link but I'm new here)

I don't think libido is your issue, it sounds like you have a self esteem issue that makes you not beable to enjoy sex. It's actually pretty normal for a woman. I know since I have put on weight, I don't feel good about myself... therefore I don't get fully eroused, because I'm to focused on my appearence or performance, then the sex sucks. I'd say 60-70 percent of the sex I've had in my life was not enjoyable... not because of my partner, but because of my self esteem.