"Nympho"?

****Some parts in here can be triggering****

Last night I was called a nympho. I've been called it before but thought with my past partners it was just a joke, nothing serious until the man I'm with now. I can see how now maybe I am having sex more than the normal person, and wanting it more than the normal person, up until last night though I thought it was normal.

I don't want to get into too many details but to explain what I mean by wanting and doing more than the normal person I'll have to give you an example.

Yesterday, me and my boyfriend spent the entire day together. During the time we were together I couldn't keep my hands off him, even when people were around, I tried to be careful and sneaky but I couldn't. This is all fun and exciting right? Being sneaky and what not... Well that was OK until we got back to his house.

4 times in 3 hours... Not even enough of a break in between to finish cigarettes before I wanted to go again. Don't get me wrong either, he gets the job done, and not trying to be vulgar again, just letting you know the full story. Even after the 4th time, he was exhausted and so was I but I still wanted to continue and didn't give up trying until I fell asleep.

This isn't an occasional thing either, when I can have sex, I want to have sex. Only with the man I'm with now and if for some reason I can't have it when I want it with him, I don't go get it from other people, but every day that I can have sex with him, I try to and I try to multiple times a day. He's having a hard time keeping up.

My sex drive is obviously through the roof. I was wondering first if anyone else is like this?! I'm 22 and in my past I have gone through more sexual abuse than the normal person. From Step fathers to teachers to uncles to strangers. I have seen every side of the sexual abuse. So why do I want sex so much? If sexual activity has caused me so much pain, why is it that I want to have sex all the time? Why can I never get enough?

I guess I should be happy that with my past I can still enjoy sex, but is there a psychological reason that I want it so much? Am I even a nympho? Is it even a lot that I want it? Or is this just normal for my age?

I'm not having a really hard time with this right now, it doesn't keep me up at night and I don't cry over it and I'm safe when it comes to sex, and only with one partner, I just don't know if it's psychological or just me wanting to have a good time and enjoy myself. Any views? Opinions or advice?
Thanks
Kris

(((kris))) for each of us it is different, with me if it is someone that I (we) feel safe with. we have exsperenced the same thing. We have found that at times that is the only way we feel truely loved by our chosen partner. Its hard to make a man understand that when they give an abused women safe and comfortable sex, they want it more to fill the voide of not being loved before but just an instrament to get their rocks off. For those of us women that have been able to still enjoy this side of life we still have to learn that sex is not real love but the holding of each other that is the true love.

It does sound a little compulsive? That you can't/don't want to stop, it sounds like it isn't in your control very well, like you may "use compulsive sexual behavior as an escape from other problems, such as loneliness, depression, anxiety or stress."

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/com...havior/DS00144

Usually when my sex drive is through the roof it's when I'm manic.

Thanks for all the feedback everyone. I think y'all might be right. I do feel safe and secure with my boyfriend and maybe me wanting the safe sex so frequently is because I enjoy the fact that I do in fact feel safe with him and I didn't have that growing up from my abusers. Maybe I'm trying to make up for it that way. I'm not sure.

I know that sex does not equal love or anything of that sort. Problem is I don't feel that way and I know it. I feel that if I'm not always wanting to be sexual, always wanting to do something no matter when or where, that he will leave. My abusers taught me at a young age that sex is number one. According to them it comes before everything else, otherwise they never would have done those things to me right?

Because of what my abusers did to me, I do honestly feel like no man will love me unless I have sex with him. That I can't keep a mans interest at all unless we are having sex. Maybe it's because my abusers only paid me special attention when there was some form of sexual activity involved.

This isn't an abuse thread so I'll come off that topic but I do see now where my sexual urges probably stem from. Is this a problem though? Do I need to get counceling for it? I mean I don't have sex with multiple partners, never have, I practice extremely safe sex, it doesn't effect my daily routines, just nightly routines... Do I need help for it?

Now that I think about my past in this perspective, trying to figure out if I do have a problem, I'm seeing this is no new issue.

I remember getting interested in sex at a very young age. Once I started having sex with my ex it was an all the time thing as well. I didn't enjoy it like I do now but I wanted it all of the time none the less. Until I no longer felt comfort with him at all, than I never wanted to. This same thing happened with my soon to be ex husband. In the beginning it was an all the time thing as it is now, and I didn't enjoy it like I do now than either, but I still wanted it until he started showing his true colors, than it took all I had to have sex with him.

I'm thinking now that with the new man I'm with, I probably do feel really safe with him. I know he can hurt me like any other person in the world, but he's giving me back my confidence and I know that no matter what he does to me, he will never be able to verbally or physically abuse me, he might cheat, he might get into hard drugs or something, but I know when I look at him, and I know with how well he treats me, that he will never abuse me. Maybe that is why I enjoy it so much with him and didn't the others.

In between boyfriends and husbands, there was a one night stand, I couldn't even go 6 months without sex. And what's worse, is that night with the one night stand, even than I was the same way. Right after we left the bedroom I was trying to have sex with him again. I didn't enjoy it at all actually, it was rather painful but I still wanted to do it again, and I did.

It's amazing what you can learn about yourself when just studying your behavior. Now that I know that this is a psychological thing, should I get help for it? Is is necessary?

First I would like to say that I'm sorry about your past childhood and that you were abused at all, let alone multiple times.

Getting treatment for it is probably your best option, as it could get to the root of your problems.

There are a lot of things that stem from sexual abuse. Here is an excerpt from a pamphlet: If it happened back then, why do I have to deal with it now. There are many factors that work against children gettign the help they need at the time of the abuse. Some children seek support, but are met with reactions such disbelief, lack of concern, and even blame. Despite their efforts to seek help, the abuse may continue or even get worse. Other children, for a number of understandable reasons do not seek help at the time of the abuse. Abusers may scare children by threatening to retaliate or by insinuating that the child will not be believed. The abuser may also confuse the child by behaving as if the abuse were 'normal' or by implying the abuse is the childs fault. Sexual abuse of a child can NEVER involve genuine mutual consent and, therefore, can NEVER be the childs fault. Whether or not the abuse was dealt with at the time, its damaging effect may still be present years later.

There is a long list of side effects which stem from sexual abuse. Feeling ashamed of yourself, being afraid of your feelings, experiencing memories, images or reliving the past traumatic events. Experiencing times you feel as though you've 'left' your body, intentionally hurting yourself or your body. (The list can go on)

The follwing are excellent sources of information about childhood sexual abuse:

The Courage to heal. By E. Bass & L. Davis
The Courage to Heal Workbook. By L. Davis
Victims No Longer. By M. Lew
Outgrowing The Pain: A book for and about adults abused as children. By E. Gil
Trauma and recovery. By J.L. Herman
The Sexual Healing Journey. By W. Maltz

I read before that some people are hyper-sexual and some people are hypo-sexual. That is just the way they are wired or their nature I guess. Maybe when the novelty of the relationship starts wear down your sex drive will start to wane a bit too. That is usually the case with many couples. If it is becoming a problem with your boy friend maybe you can figure out other enjoyable things to do together such as tennis, ping pong, Frisbee etc. Good physical exercise that is fun and you can do together might act as some what of a substitute and also help you fall asleep at night. Taking a break between bouts in bed will make those special times more special also.
Take care and enjoy life ~ Shoe

Purple we did the work book ,The courage to Heal, it helped us alot many times. Also we did it and group therapy so we found out we not alone on that issue. There are ways to work on it by yourself but if you can at least find a surport group and give it a try it may help you heal and allow you to have more peace in this relationship. We always told people that with each new partner we had we got someone better each time cause we finely realised we deserve better in our chosen partner. If you can look back and see what you were willing to accept from the past partners and now what you are will to accept from your chosen partner then you can see your own self worth has gotten better. Good Luck on you inner jounry of self worth.

For what it is worth, I would NOT consider you a "nympho" whatsoever...

Here is the article that I was referring to if you want to read it.

http://www.shaktitechnology.com/sex_ascs.htm