'reparative therapy' or 'acceptance'

Hi all! I am grateful for the presence of this community and look forward to sharing ideas and support here

I've posted this in the general forum with minimum response so I thought to repost here as this topic may garner more response here; I hope it's ok to repost here:

I will begin with an example related to my mom: my mom was abusive when I was growing up. Anything that reminds me of her, say if I smell her cologne on another person on the street it gives rise to a feeling of repulsion from within me. I used to want to 'work it through' in therapy, I wanted to not be repulsed by stuff that remind me of her. However, I came to the realization that for me 'working it through' meant arriving at a place of acceptance that indeed these are the scars of childhood abuse. I no longer attempt to fight the repulsion, I accept it as the natural order of things when a mom is abusive to her child. It's a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.

Though a part of me is curious whether there is a different 'brand' of therapy wherein one can 'unlearn' and 'decondition' oneself from having these repulsive responses/reactions to these triggers.

The other situation I find myself in is a father who was also abusive. I am conflicted about marrying at this point. The idea of having a physical relationship with a male gives me a visceral reaction of disgust and repulsion. So I avoid dating, etc. I don't have a problem with males in social settings such as college etc. but avoid thoughts of dating/marriage.

I think if the pants stayed up and the fly remained zipped I wouldn't have a problem with dating/marrying a male. (But that seeems unrealistic).

Here, too, I have come to a place within myself where I can feel the sadness of not having a long-term committed hetero relationship and say that sadly this is the result/scars of misbehaviors done to me.

And yet I am curious whether it is possible to 'work through' this issue as well and come to a place of being 'healed' and not being 'triggered' and 'repulsed' by a male's anatomy. The hair, the gender-specific body parts, etc. I am so reactive to it.

Should I settle for life as it is, spending time with the children I already have (they really want for me to remarry) or is there potential in 'working this through'? I've already been in intensive psychodynamic therapy.

Thank you, and I look forward to some insight!
Last edited by bebop; 01-27-2010 at 09:13 PM.