need feedback, please!!

I have a question and need an honest answer. If anyone can help I would really appreciate it. I am a woman so I think like a woman, I do not know how men think. Being in a situation makes my thinking not clear anyway. I need unbias opinions.

My question is, if a man in a relationship with a woman, plays with an **** slim jim (which looks just like a penis) by himself, does this mean he is homosexual, or at least bisexual? By playing I mean his woman came home early and unexpected and caught him with a penis resembling vibrater in his anas. Are there any entirely heterosexual men who would do this? I really need to know!!

If there are no heterosexual men who would admit to doing this openly you could private message me, just please give me feedback people!!

I'm no expert, and I'm not a man, but all kinds of people enjoy all kinds of stimulation. Just because a man enjoys **** stimulation does not mean he is gay. It might just mean he likes how it feels.

i agree with ripley,but i would pay attention for any other signs. dont make it obvious,he is probably embarrassed enough

I don't believe he is gay, but I don't blame you for wondering. He was probably experimenting; the best way to stimulate the prostate is rectally. It is very likely he was too embarassed to ask you and thus decided to do it on his own while you were out. Some entirely straight men enjoy the stimulation; though after having an ultrasound on my prostate, I say ouch!

I do not think that he is gay. Lots of people try new things, and ways to pleasure there self. It perfectlly normal for him to do this. Just because he's using a toy that looks like a mens private part, does not make him gay.
If he is gay, that is his buisness, I wouldnt confront him about it because this can cause a devistating reaction for him. If he has not told you that he's gay( If he is), then he probably does not want you to know about it.

I was with you right up until you said, "If he's gay, thats his business..."

If they are in a relationship together, I would say that makes it her business. Too, what harm could open and honest communication be in a relationship? She has a question - ask, don't guess.

I do agree though that I don't think that this is necessarily an indication that he's gay.

Thanks I do feel better knowing this is not an abnormal thing for straight men to do. I would like to share a little more information now so you can all assure me that he is still not gay. As far as him experimenting of being too embarrassed to ask me, that is not the case. I believe that anything goes in the bedroom as long as it does not include other people! I have stimulated him **** before. I have no problem with that.
We had sex many times where I would ask him to do me via the rear entrance and he was never interested. Then he became close friends with a man and for a few months he and I stopped having sex all together, then all of a sudden after that friendship ended he wanted to have sex with me again. For the first time in our relationship he wanted to have **** sex with me, I didn’t even ask this time. I did it, enjoyed it, and had no problem with it!
Prior to this he had always been homophobic. I was concerned at his sudden change of desires and asked him why all of a sudden he wanted to do it that way. His response was,” why does it matter, you use to want to do it that way, but if you don’t like it we won’t.” I believe in open honest communication so I asked him straight out if him and his ex-friend had been “partners.” Rather than getting mad as I had expected he laughed, and said no. I left it at that.
Time passed and we did continue to have **** sex. One night I decided I wanted to see his reaction to me stimulating him that way. According to him he had never been stimulated that way before so I expected him to be a little unsure about it the first time. I was again surprised by his reaction. He was not at all uncomfortable and enjoyed it very much.
We had sex in that way many times. I have several “toys” and we have both used them in play together. I have only one toy that looks like a penis. He had used it on me but never himself. All of a sudden he stops having sex with me. We had gone about 3 weeks with no intercourse of any kind. Not because I didn’t want it! I came home one night when he was not expecting me and that was when I caught him pleasuring himself with the toy that looks like a penis.
First of all, why did he stop having sex with me? Second, of all the choices of toys that I have, why did he choose the one that looks like a penis? Does that mean something or am I just reading too much into things?
I have no problem with homosexuality; I do not however want to be in a relationship with a gay man. I do not see a future there. If he was not with me then his sexual preference would be none of my business. As long as he is with me I feel I have a right to know!
Any advice???

Finding ones man doing this does not mean he is gay any more than finding a woman pleasing her self while looking at girl on girl action means she is a lesbian... many people around the world like to experience different forms of sexual pleasure and the an*l area does have many sensitive nerves surrounding its opening, so why not enjoy it if you like it.

This is the way I'm interpreting everything. He had a sexual attraction to men and was in denial about it. Then he accepted his feelings and started a relationship with that man. I'm sorry, but the fact that he suddenly stopped having sex with you when he became friends with that man is indicator. I think having a relationship with a man wasn't what he wanted, so he returned to you after he sorted out his sexual feelings. Why he chose that particular toy, I don't know; perhaps size or hardness?

He may be bi, but certainly not gay. Despite telling you otherwise, all signs point to him having a sexual relationship with that man.

I would talk to him, ask him. Only way you can know for sure.

My take on this is similar to AkAngel, and Umbral Seraph's. He had sex with that guy--he, naturally would deny it--most men do. So don't expect him to be honest with you about anything. You sound as if the Trust is gone now--that is everything in a relationship--
no trust=no relationship; especially in this day of killer AIDS--Yes, heterosexual men get it too!!!!!!!!

Also, get yourself tested for STD's--better safe than sorry!!

He could be homosexual--the homophobia points to this--does he like to watch porn movies with 2 girls on a guy; or two men on a girl?--if it's the last-he's homosexual.

Heterosexual men like to watch two women together, two women pleasing a man--but they do not care for two men on a girl. Big time indicator--My daughter got involved with a guy like that-- he was not only prettier than her (and she's really gorgeous), but he had her have sex with another guy with him---definitely homosexual.

I feel that we are all androgenous; didn't you ever feel an attraction for a little girl in your class--or something like that? Of course, whether or not we choose to act on these feelings is up to us. If I were in a relationship--and all my relationships-if you can call them that -it was always heterosexual.

I have no predjudice against being homosexual, the only male friends I ever had were homosexuals---they were "safe".

My ex was definitely a sexual deviant by our society's rules.
He was a cheat, a liar, and he gave me many STD's over the course of a 16 year together marriage---10 years not together, but married.

He loved a88l stimulation, and all sorts of game playing--of course his favorite was the bj-------He insisted on sex 4-5 times a day in one form or another. I was the good wife, didn't know this was abnormal, and I did my duty--he still cheated, then claimed the std's came from the air.

I'd just cut it off---I mean the relationship--(wow, that came out badly--Freudian slip there on my part--sorry all you guys out there!)-------

It's definitely an indicator that he fools around- male or female--when he doesn't have sex with you for an entire month; then you catch him playing with a slim jim--
I used to buy sex toys for my Ex---he used to buy me uncomfortable lingerie, and put make up on me...

If it weren't for these breaks in your sexual encounters; I'd say there was nothing wrong..."If it feels good- do it!"--but it's not realistic for him to not want to have sex with you for long periods of time; especially when you are so open to do whatever he wants. Not all women are so compliant!!! You could do better, instead of having to worry over this.

You sound like a good person, and you deserve a mate that you can trust-----You are open and honest, you deserve the same from your partner-JMO--sorry so long.

I send you positive energy, and courage to deal with this situation----theo

Postscript: Excuse me, Educated Therapist; I ne'er thought I'd say this, but I'm with AkAngel all the way: What do you mean: "If he's homosexual, it's his business"???

What an Outrageous thing to say!!!!!--didn't they "Educate" you about relationships in school??????Harumph, and harumph and $$^^^^($$^**(--WOW, are you ever off!!!---------------------------------------Pax--theo