Mature Discussion About Masturbation

I don't think most people would talk about it - like I said before, I stumbled into this conversation....wasn't a planned thing at all. I could see my daughter was very troubled and I hinted about it and happened to be right - lucky guess. I think the only parents who talk about it, are those who happen to walk in on it and that's how I imagined it would come up.

When I saw the Oprah show where the topic was teenage sexuality, the expert recommended bringing it up to 16+ age as an alternative to acting out with a partner - letting your teenager know they can pleasure themselves instead of seeking out a partner at a young age.

I'm just saying, 16+ is probably too late.....Maybe around 13 would work better.

I agree 16 would be too late. I'm just saying this is what the sex educator said and the audience gasped. I think they gasped more so at the thought of having this discussion and the fact it's such a taboo subject lol.

Thanks for the topic lynn.

Great handling with your daughter. My mom also handled it well with me at the time...when i was 15 and later when i was 17. I hated sharing thought....suspected that something was wrong with me too.

I remember feeling very guilty too. and yeah - damn it- what am i supposed to do?!
Like is it my fault i have these urges?!
...o.k....who cares? i am ALONE
i need to remind myself that i am alone in my room and ~no one~ can see
And i did feel disgusted of myself and one time - at 17 - i hurt myself afterwards because i felt like a ***** - and wrote to myself "you are a ***** slutt ***** dog" and "disgusting" etc.

Sometimes i make up stories in my head that begin as sexual fantasy but go else where - pretty dramatic - so i forget the whole thing and start crying because of the drama in my imagined story. lol.

Sometime i wish i did not want to do it. I feel terrified when feeling the need and having the privacy opportunity to finally do it. So i give up sometimes, and then feel my need is twice as strong.

i wish i had a boyfriend. not only because of this though. just to make me feel safe...and like someone truly cares for me and i truly and deeply care and can be there for him and be intimate with him i both mental and physical ways.

((((((((Ladymacbethadmunsen))))))))))))

aww...bless....and how adorably funny..."what if i use both hands"...lol...soo precious that you hold your own hand.we're all here hun((((((EVENING)))))))btw....guilt wise .....that probably comes from your raising.huggs

((((Ladymacbethadmunsen))))- thank you for sharing your feelings.

((((Everyone)))) - thank you to everyone who has responded to this thread. My hope in writing about this topic, was to remove the shame that some people feel. I think as long as it's done in moderation, it's fine to enjoy are own bodies.

I started around, I think, age 10, or maybe it was 11? I just remember I was in fifth grade, and of course, I had no idea that was what I was doing... For me, there was a lot of shame involved, mostly because I grew up in a Southern Baptist family, so anything related to sex before marriage in this family is BAD... But when sixth and seventh grade came around, I had an increased interest in psychology and had borrowed my grandmother's book (it was like a compact guide of psychological problems and disorders, granted it was extremely outdated [copyrighted in the 70s] and every problem in the book was written to appeal to the fundamentalist protestant population, but of course, I also had little knowledge/awareness of the media's potential back then); Masturbation was listed as one of these "problems" (giving it such a negative label certainly didn't help matters much). When I read the definition, that's when I knew what I was doing, but truthfully, I thought that was only something that guys were allowed to do, so that societal double standard didn't help either...
This is really strange to ask, and I really don't know if this stemmed from anything, but around the time the discovery of masturbation began (perhaps before too, I can't remember...), I had bondage fantasies (again, I didn't know to give it this label at the time, but that's definitely what it was) -- and I hope I'm not being inappropriate for going into more detail, but I'm curious... is it in any way common for a ten year old to have fantasies about being tied up, touched inappropriately, and then... killed afterward...?? Ritualistically, too?
.....

But yeah, I endured a few years of strong, religion-fueled guilt... At one point, I felt SO guilty that I had "confessed" my bondage fantasies to my mom (or rather, I told her that I liked to draw tied-up naked people...) and she acted as if I had committed some sin; I don't even remember much of the conversation. I mean, I'm sure hearing such news from your 10-year-old daughter is kind of surprising, and a sexual discussion with your child is something that people aren't exactly eager to approach, but it wasn't ever mentioned again. Even now, I'm a second-year in college, and my mother STILL doesn't talk about it; though now I have an infinitely MUCH better acceptance of masturbation, I find it's best to just avoid the subject around her.

Masturbation used to be defined as "self-pollution". It was also something that could make you go blind.

Social control...... wonder where such ideas sprang from.........(I won't say another word)

well thank goodness that isn't true, been in trouble if it was

I think all teens go through this because they get bored after a while and they just think of sexual images then thats what gets them into it to masturbate....

You did a great job lynn
I don't recall my mother ever having the conversation with me, and if she did then it was only once when I was too little to remember. I've never been caught and if I have then it's been ignored. I don't think that not having the conversation has affected me too badly though. When I had my first orgasm, I thought I'd discovered something no one else had, and so in my mind, masturbation was something special and sacred. It wasn't until the subject came up with friends at school that I learnt the message masturbation=gross, and I started to feel quite ashamed by it. That's when I wished I'd had some reassurance from my mother.

My mom never had the "talk". I learned from my boyfriend when I was in high school. One night we were making out it was time for me to go home and he said something about jacking off later. (Sorry for the crude term). I was very naive and asked what that meant. He explained it to me on the drive home. That night I explored myself. I don't think its wrong. But thanks to this thread my fiance and I sat down and talked about when we should talk to our kids about it. Its not something I ever thought about doing but I would rather them hear it from me than some one else. So thank you very much for starting the thread.

its not a crime to masturbate everyone does it at one point or another your experimenting with your body.

Good job Lynn.
I too wasn't sure where I stand in this issue for a looooong time. Mainly because of my parents' attitude. I was caught while at it !! I didn't even know what I was doing. Anyways, my mom didn't talk to me for a week and kept giving me dirty looks in addition to that. After exactly one week she said that only naughty, dirty kids did such things and I was brought up better that that. I think she even cried.... So, I felt like I was going to go to hell for just that...lol
But now I know it's normal. And that it's not some thing that would cause eternal damnation!

You handled that very well Lynn - I wish I could imagine my mom being like that!! I'm having a tough time with this and I don't know who to ask about it. I can't talk to T about it because that's just weird. I feel guilty when I do it because I'm worried somehow my parents would find out or that they wouldn't approve. Sounds dumb I know.

Only you can prevent neurotypical jerkiness!

Well, there's this online community I know where people talk about all kinds of stuff. I'm pretty sure you've already heard of it. The name is right at the top of this page.
Does your T know it's weird?

LOL fool zero What I meant by weird was, it just doesn't seem right for therapy. I mean, I don't know how comfortable she'd be talking about it and I feel weird asking. I'm such a wuss. haha

Only you can prevent neurotypical jerkiness!

Therapy is about whatever your concerns happen to be, isn't it? I'd think that if your T knew this was one of your concerns she'd want you to be able to talk about it. If this topic -- or any other -- did happen to trigger her, she'd most likely want to deal with that so she'd be fully available not only for you but for all of her clients.

According to the thread stats, 31 different members have posted to this thread so far. Sounds like there might be some interest in the subject...

Oh, cool, Indie, you did just start your own thread!