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Legendary
Member Since Feb 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,269
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#61
Quote:
I have discussed the subject of sex with my almost 13 yr old but haven't discussed masturbation. I saw this discussed on Oprah and the sex expert encouraged all parents to bring this up at the right time - the theory being if they feel okay satisfying themselves, this may curb looking outside for sex at too young an age. The audience gasped when she said this lol. I admit it's easier to talk about sex, than masturbation and I admit I was sweating at the brow when this happened lol. As you can see from this thread, many people have mix feelings, especially the older generation, that was taught - it's a sin or weakness. Unless you have that 'open book' kind of bond, I don't advise you bringing it up. To be honest I think it's hard to find someone who doesn't do it. As long as it's done in moderation and not to deprive a partner from sex...I think it's fine. It would be sad if we can't enjoy our own bodies. Sadly my own mother never discussed sex at all with me, so I didn't want to make the same mistake with my own girls. A couple times I was tempted to delete this thread(felt awkward at times), but now I'm happy I didn't and proud of everyone for the way they've discussed this topic. __________________ This is our little cutie Bella *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) Last edited by lynn P.; Aug 09, 2010 at 09:39 PM.. |
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FooZe, Indie'sOK
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,584
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#62
You're welcome Lynn, and thanks for the info. I do love my mom, but some things we just don't discuss. That's why I'm here on PC
__________________ Only you can prevent neurotypical jerkiness!
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FooZe, lynn P.
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Legendary
Member Since Feb 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
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#63
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I think all young teenagers should be educated about sex, STD's and pregnancy risks and I don't believe knowledge increases the chances of having sex at a young age. When I was 18 I honestly never heard of STD's and I didn't even know what oral sex was lol. I look at the whole topic as medical and I don't feel embarrassed talking about it - I was caught a little off guard with this topic though. I wouldn't want my child to feel it's a sin to engage in masturbation. I feel sorry for some people in the older generation who were made to feel ashamed. __________________ This is our little cutie Bella *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
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FooZe, Indie'sOK
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,584
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#64
I'm glad that you're bringing your daughters up differently that the older generations and maybe even mine were brought up. They'll feel more apt to come to their mother with their problems instead of looking to their peers for (possibly false) information
__________________ Only you can prevent neurotypical jerkiness!
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FooZe, lynn P.
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Mental Wellness Mensch
Member Since Apr 2009
Location: I live with myself. Because that is all I can depend on. Everthing around me changes.
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#65
Quote:
TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER (talk of abuse in my answer) Yes, I was caught, m**t**b**ing, as a very young child and was systematically, repeatedly told that it was bad and wrong and that "god would punish me for even wanting these feelings". These words and experiences were often punctuated with physical hitting, slapping and even deprivation. I am 42 now and I still have terror memories when I even feel s*x*al. ty so much, Billi __________________ The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
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newtus
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FooZe, lynn P.
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Legendary
Member Since Feb 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,269
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#66
((billi leli)) - I'm sorry you were punished and made to feel shame over this. Hopefully you can heal and develop healthier attitudes towards sex in the future.
__________________ This is our little cutie Bella *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
Member
Member Since Aug 2010
Location: Midlands, unfortunately
Posts: 156
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#67
Lynn P, I'd also like to say I think you handled that very well.
I feel kind of redundant but would like to share my bit. I never thought about touching myself when I was a kid. The thought that it might feel good just never occurred to me at all - we never really discussed sex in my house, or heard our parents doing it, etc. It was only once my more liberal friends bought me a toy for my 18th (yes!) birthday that I realised what I was missing! I still feel like the odd one out, the 'wrong' one for never having done it before. __________________ What if you slept? And what if in your sleep you dreamed?
And what if in your dreams you went to heaven and there you plucked a strange and beautiful flower? And what if when you awoke you had the flower in your hand? Ah! What then? Samuel Taylor Coleridge |
FooZe, lynn P.
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Mental Wellness Mensch
Member Since Apr 2009
Location: I live with myself. Because that is all I can depend on. Everthing around me changes.
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#68
ty Lynne for your words.
Billi __________________ The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
lynn P.
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Junior Member
Member Since Aug 2010
Posts: 6
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#69
I was 12 or 14 when I started "self-servicing" lol. I felt dirty for a long time. I was raised catholic. My parents never to my knowledge found out and or haven't confronted me about it. As a 22 year old lesbian, I've fallen away from the church and have much different views on the subject of masturbation. It's normal and healthy.
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FooZe, lynn P.
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#70
I do not see how discussing masturbation can be harder than discussing sex. Masturbattion is a simple subject involving one person. Sex is a complex subject involving interrelationships between people which can be tricky and non trivial. As a rule, discussing complex subjects is harder than discussing simple subjects, just as learning to take second derivatives is harder than learning the multiplication table.
That was a propos of nothing, though. My question is to people who have seen this whole thread. I do not have time to read it. The question is ~ would this thread be helpful for a young person to come to terms with masturbation as a valid way to pass time for personal enjoyment? |
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#71
Meaning, I hope to find something simple and uplifting for a person who has been very confused. Clear message and not too much cerebral debate.
Is that it? |
Grand Poohbah
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#72
Quote:
lol Well, do keep in mind it's Lynn's daughter, and an 8 year old to boot (well, at the time...lol ancient topic ). It doesn't have to be harder than talking about sex at all...lol sex is usually considered an awkward parential topic to begin with (at least as I understand...I'm not a parent by any means). My own kid sis is only a few years younger than Lynn's at the time of posting this...lol I'm dreading her asking me about it, if I get "picked," so to speak. Anyway, it has been ages since I've read through this, but if memory serves, it could help, yes. It's mostly people recounting stories of their own "talk" about it. Ultimately though, you'd have to read it yourself and garner your own understanding of it's applicability to your own situation. __________________ The world suffers alot. Not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people.- Napoleon Bonaparte |
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#73
Quote:
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Account Suspended
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#74
Quote:
Sex involves other people who are unpredictable and whose behavior we cannot control. That is why it is such a complicated issue. Masturbation, on the other hand, is self contained. Thank you, I will recommend the discussion to that forum member who, I believe, might benefit from it. |
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#75
Quote:
Also, the adjective "normal" is sort of tepid. Neutral. Lukewarm. You probably would want to use adjectives with more positive connotations. More unequivocally uplifting and life affirming, so to speak. |
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Crowned "The Good Witch"
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#76
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#77
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#78
You’re a wonderful mom, Lynn! I wish I was able to be as open and honest with my parents.
Sex has always been a forbidden subject with my family, not for religious or moral reasons, but I imagine because there is so little trust between us that there is no way we would talk about it with each other. I was first exposed to masturbation when my dad used to molest and abuse me at night, after I was beaten for mistakes on my homework when I came home from school. Although I might be off with the years – I remember events by what grade I was in and not what age I was – I think that by the time I was 8 years old, or maybe around 10, I was already compulsively masturbating until it hurt and believed I was nothing more than an object of sexual pleasure for older individuals. Shame and disgust were core features of my self-identify by the time I was your daughter’s age, Lynn, and I was first hospitalized around that age for self-harm. Even though my dad is dead now I still can’t be honest to my mother about anything – I don’t think she really cares how I feel or what is happening in my life. It makes me feel so desperate for a GF, someone that will acknowledge me and someone that I can talk to about personal issues, who isn't paid to either. Of course though I can’t find women that want anything to do with me. People don’t understand how lonely and lost I feel each and everyday. Although I am told that the ‘right one’ will appear someday, I don’t think I can live like this for another 10 years before someone sees something worthwhile and lovable in me. It’s hard enough to make it through each day as it is; the loneliness is soul-crushing, and is one the biggest emotional issues I struggle with. |
hamster-bamster, Mawkish
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#79
Quote:
That made me really sad to type. I try not to think of it this way. I try to remind myself that, right now, I just have some social issues that I'm working on. That maybe it won't always be this way. Maybe it will but...hopefully not. |
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hamster-bamster
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#80
On the original topic: 15 years ago, I read step-by-step, year-by-year instructions for parents in re sex education of their children. I believe they were put together by AASECT :: American Association of Sex Counselors, Educators & Therapists, which is the professional organization of sexual health specialists in the US. I do not see the instructions immediately visible on the website now, though, but I am sure they are somewhere and have been improved and enhanced in the interim. They started with diaper changes.
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