Husband keeps touching me in a way I don't like-Says I'm a prude- I need help!!

No, you're not a prude, but you are a victim, IMHO. My advice to anyone who's being abused by their spouse or mate (even if it only happened once) is to leave. Find a way. Get help. Even if he gets "help," I would advise leaving, but that decision is yours.

its easy to condemn your husband's behavior, on the surface its just plain wrong.
However, you asked for advice. You shouldnt mind being touched in the vaginal area WHEN you want to AND if its in the context of a loving relationship. Neither of these appear to be the case with your husband. I am a strong advocate of teaching men how to act, because we are basically neaderthals when it comes to sex and many other issues of the heart. So try to educate him what is a touch that you would welcome...a kiss? a gentle hand on your waist? Then see how responsive he is to these constructive suggestions...this will tell you a lot. If he is critical and non-responsive, then you may be in deep trouble as this shows he is a man not willing to look at himself.

Well, one issue is that he's touching you when you ask him not to.

But am I the only one noticing her comments about prior physical abuse from him?

That stands out to me, especially when combined with his inappropriate touching. He doesn't respect your body, your boundaries - YOU!

Why are you still with him if he treats you like this? My guess is you have children and don't want a custody battle. But is this how you want them to see you treated?

Divorce would do less harm to your children than growing up in a household like this.

Find a low-cost attorney, and get out. Now.

I am so sorry this is happening to you...all I can really say without getting too triggered is that I can absolutely relate. Divorce has been suggested to me...it is not on my list of available options right now. I feel like a hypocrite for saying this, but it is abuse and you are not a prude. Leaving a relationship is very difficult, especially when there are children involved. Only you can decide if that is what you need to do. I often find myself sacrificing my boundaries for the greater good. I know that is not healthy, but it's what I need to do right now in my circumstances, maybe in the future that will change. Good Luck to you!

I'll be honest, my first inclination is to tell you to hit him with something blunt and heavy for being so completely inconsiderate, ignorant and just plain rude. But that just wouldn't be civil advice.

I believe you have every right to say when and how your body is touched and his disregarding your boundaries is definitely abuse. He is using this to feel power over you and of course now that you're standing up for yourself and telling him not to do it he's backpedaling and calling you names to try to bring you down again. Don't let him. From what I have seen written in this thread you are a strong woman who knows completely that this behaviour is something you will absolutely not tolerate from anyone, especially you're abusive husband that wants to *start over*.

If he keeps it up I think he's had his second chance. He is blatantly showing that he doesn't care for your feelings at all and you deserve better than that. You really do. You deserve someone kind, compassionate, and considerate who won't continue doing things to you after you express that you don't like them.

You are amazing. Really.


Thinking about hypnotherapy? I know a great hypnotherapist.

A Healing Edge

You are NOT a prude. My boyfriend does stuff like that all the time and I HATE it. It's about respect. You are not an object, and you are not his personal toy. You are human, and you should be treated as such.

No, you are not a prude and your husband has a serious problem with boundary issues. It might be a good idea to see a couples therapist, if he will go. If not, you may need to think whether or not you want to stay with someone who does not honor your feelings or your wishes. What he is doing is abusive.

You are NOT a prude. Your husband is treating you in a horribly degrading manner, and he needs to get himself under control. How dare he do that to you when you're looking for your daughter's toy! The act isn't about sex, he knows you don't like it. I refuse to believe that the man could be so STUPID that he can't understand what you've said. He's actually doing it, not out of affection, but as a gesture of ownership. It's a control issue, he's saying that your privates don't belong to you, they belong to him. How would he like it if you kept grabbing his crotch when he was doing regular stuff, mowing the lawn, for example, or washing the car.

He has to stop this, because though the act itself isn't wrong (some women would like it, or be flattered) his intention isn't to please you, it's to tell you that nothing you have is yours. And he'd better get out of this habit before your daughter sees him at it.

I had an abusive husband (first husband) and it destroyed my sexual confidence for years. It is simply not right to do something, anything, sexual when you know your partner doesn't like it. Unfortunately, because you're a woman, you can't reciprocate in kind and grab his nuts, tempting though it may be, because if he's the kind of man I think he is from his actions, he'd probably hit you.

My advice, if he hits you, move out. And I'm so sorry you've got to put up with this crap.

Since you have decided to let him have another chance AFTER the abuse, keep him to it. He has to acknowledge your rights as a human being.

So far he has been treating you like an object, and getting annoyed when you interfere in HIS any-time, any-where enjoyment.
It is a form of exercising posessiveness. He took "she's mine" way to literally. You did not sell yourself into slavery when you married him.

I am getting a sense that your husband is clumsy, immature, and uneducated in area of inter-personal behaviors. Like he has no CLUE that there are some things that you just DON'T do, or perhaps he doesn't have any empathy ability, and while he knows you are human, it doesn't really tell him anything.

Considering his reaction when you tried to explain to him how you feel, he is treating the "fresh start" more like a chance for YOU to get your act together and stop making him abuse you. Tell him clearly that for this to work he has to change how he interacts with you. He has to hear you.

Let's for a second assume the very best, that in his mind he is innocent, just trying to pay his wife a compliment, 'cause she's so sexy. Fine. Like Minah Byrd wrote, tell him what would be acceptable ways. Men I knew would make a sound like "yumm", or a small joke to let me know their mood. If he is willing to hear you and to honor you, and stop this unsolicited pawing, that's a good sign. That you can take to a marriage counseling, but if not, then there is no hope, sorry to say.

What he's doing doesn't seem to be sexual in intent, though it is sexual in origin. This type of behaviour is him exerting control over you by disrespecting your wishes and making you feel unsafe, knowing that you can't stop him from doing it. It's also a way for him to put you down in a manner that will make you feel guilty and as though you are in the wrong by not allowing him to do whatever he wants to you whenever he wants.

This control issue might spill over into other areas of your life, I'm assuming since he has been abusive in the past it already has, and he could get bolder by knowing he can get away with what amounts to sexual harassment and assault in his own home. Love does not do this, dragonflybug. He's enjoying making you feel that you are not safe in your own home and secure in your own body, and making you feel bad for it.

Be very careful. I suggest you talk to a counselor about this and find someone who can back you up on this, so that you understand you are not doing anything wrong by asking him to respect your wishes for personal space and your body. If he shows no sign of remorse or willingness to change his behaviour, you know what you can expect in the future. Please get help, and help yourself. Don't stand in front of the fist and hope it will change its mind about hitting you. You don't have to go through this, you do not deserve it, and it is not your fault that he chooses to do bad things. That is his responsibility. You can only be responsible for yourself, and do what is best for your daughter. As she gets older, your relationship with your husband will be an example to her. You have the opportunity to show her that she doesn't have to put up with that kind of treatment either.

No, you are far from a prude. Nobody has the right to touch you anywhere where you are not comfortable being touched. He really has to stop this behavior.

It's just like a husband who makes his wife have sex with him forcibly, it is considered rape and the husband will go to jail for it.

Your husband needs professional help to figure out why he does this to you, and you should not have to change your routine in order to stop him from doing this to you.

I feel like someone should point out that this thread is over a year old, and that dragonflybug hasn't responded in quite sometime. I'm hoping the best for her, and would love for her to come back and update us, but I'm not sure we need to keep responding to this thread until she does...?

i know this thread should probably die if the OP is no longer responding, but i want to offer an opposite view for consideration.

personally, i hope she got a divorce, or separated with the child(ren) because it sounds like her and her husbands sexual needs do not align and his abuse (screaming if the child is home, screaming at all...) is not a healthy reality for anyone.

there are women, possibly men (don't know, i'm not one) who prefer the kind of treatment(?) the OP and others complain about.

what i mean to say is i can get horribly depressed if my mate, say, passes by me as i wash dishes and doesn't at least squeeze my butt. i feel sad every time he looks at me with a bored expression and doesn't simply wish to ravage me instead of talk about business, money, my personal fears, or anything he doesn't find interesting or stimulating--cause chances are, i don't either. life is short and there's a lot i don't care about-like my personal fears, problems, etc. work, play, rest--boring conversations or understimulated people are a nightmare in my world. want something i have? wanna play? theorize about something interesting? let me know, if not, ***** needs to get done. living in a physical realm is about what we SO DESIRE, and that's different for everyone. my boredom is my destruction, you're boredom is my fury. restless? horny? same thing for me.

if i was on the floor, say, vacuuming under the couch in a compromising position and my master (i'm a submissive slave) stumbled upon me i would be beyond delighted if he was overcome with desire and needed to have anything sexual (hopefully that he wanted. in fact, my heart sinks a little bit each time he walks away from me and i know he would be so much more relaxed with his work and stressload with some sexual attention.

i've never been identified as a nympho, though i do have typical (i think) adult reactions to having been exposed to sexual energy (additional thanks gemini curiosity) before preschool. if my master wanted to fondle me, say, now-as i write, work, think, wash dishes, cook dinner-i welcome the distraction from what is otherwise a very dull existence in my eyes. without sexual energy, life is boring and generally unproductive (i'm a creator, let's say it's my go-juice).

so there's the other side, though NO ONE has the right to do what makes you feel uncomfortable unless that is what you CHOOSE to have a part of your living existence. we are here, we are free, and unless we relinquish our power to someone else they have no right (and by some perspectives no real ability) to take it from us. my body belongs to my master because that is what i CHOOSE to be a part of my life, i do not make decisions for others and i do not condone a force that is unwanted.

love the (wo)man you choose to be, find love everywhere