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New Member
Member Since Aug 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4
14 |
Aug 31, 2010 at 11:59 PM
#1
I'm extremely worried about my boyfriend... recently, he has been feeling guilty, ashamed, and sick after sex, masturbation, or watching anything pornographic. He says he has always felt this way, as if her were doing something wrong, but recently he has been feeling much worse.
I have asked whether he has had any traumatizing or somehow damaging sexual experiences, and he's told me no. I've also asked if he could remember any time at all when he felt pressured into believing that sex was wrong or dirty, and once again he has told me no. Neither of his parents are religious, and neither is he. As I have said, he has felt this way before. I can recall a particular time in our relationship where he had felt like this, but to a lesser extent. He had thought up two potential solutions: One, right after sex, he would go into the shower. He feels very safe in the shower. And two, right after we were done, he would have me hold him close and tell him that it was okay, that everything was okay. The latter seemed to help him, and for the few months afterwards we didn't have to worry very much about it. Although now, I don't think it will work again. He has already tried going into a shower afterwards, when he feels sick and ashamed, but to no avail. As for our relationship, we are doing very well. We are the best we have ever been, as we were very rocky before this last March. we are both very happy and very comitted to eachother. Please help us in any way you can, I would appreciate any and all advice and ideas given. If you have any more questions that I haven't answered in this post, please do ask them, and I will edit this post or (more likely, and if I can) reply to your post. We really want to enjoy ourselves and have a healthy sex life. Thank you so much for any answers! |
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Junior Member
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: Seattle
Posts: 7
14 |
Sep 03, 2010 at 10:45 PM
#2
He needs to talk to someone, a male counslor. I am so sorry for what you are both going through. It will only get worse if he does not seek help. The bad thing about men is that they never want to talk to a stranger about anything. Good luck.
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Member
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: canada
Posts: 122
14 |
Sep 04, 2010 at 04:38 AM
#3
He can talk to a therapist a professional to help him understand why all this is happening He should get help really if you can guide him in that direction sometime it is easier to open up to strangers professionals because you can be assured he won't be judged okay
take care |
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Member
Member Since Aug 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 328
14 4 hugs
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Sep 04, 2010 at 04:32 PM
#4
They say you can't analyze your own family, I really believe that; I'm thinking he's gonna need to talk to a psychologist about that.
It is possible that if he was tramatized he might have repressed those threatening memories, so if you were to ask him about it, he would answer honestly "no, I have no recollection of anything like that." Tramatic stuff only comes up for people when the mind/body feels it can handle it, there are so many defense mechanisms that protect us from really embarresing, threatening, tramatic stuff. It sounds like something might have happened, but also I'm no psychologist and don't want to assume something either. I hope he would go to a psychologist, I think that would help a lot. Take care, -obj |
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New Member
Member Since Aug 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4
14 |
Oct 20, 2010 at 04:10 PM
#5
Thanks to everyone who answered... he isn't feeling it anymore (as of right now, at least), although I am worried about him feeling like that again in the future... also, sorry, I thought I would be getting emails when people responded to my thread...
 But, thank you again. I'll be sure to keep this in mind if he starts feeling this way again. I really appreciate it. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2003
Location: Coram Deo
Posts: 35,474
(SuperPoster!)
20 1,651 hugs
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Oct 20, 2010 at 05:54 PM
#6
I'm sorry to hear he's stuffed his feelings once again. My advice would be to quit having sex, and stay away from pornography. If your relationship is really that strong, it will survive and you will have a much happier BF. I doubt he would be free from these feelings even if you were married. Indeed, many marriages are destroyed due to deep seated sexual issues.
Deep seated sexual issues don't just go away on their own. He does need to find someone he can discuss this with ongoing ... a trusted counselor, for instance. TC __________________ |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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