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Member
Member Since Jun 2011
Posts: 32
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Jun 22, 2011 at 07:50 PM
#1
I'm interested in why people have fetishes. I tried looking up information online but couldn't find much theory behind it. What explains fetishs for specific practices (e.g. BDSM) or inanimate objects (e.g. balloons), clothings (e.g. uniforms: school/nurse etc.), body parts (e.g. feet), characteristics (e.g. redheads) or other types of fetishes or unusual sexual fantsies or behaviours? Is there a few common causes or all sorts of things?
Also, does anyone here have a fetish which they think they might be able to explain why they have it? Not just what you enjoy about it, but if you think you have some kind of psychological insight in to why you enjoy it but others don't? I'm also curious if you think specific causes might affect what age a fetish starts and the severity? |
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Member
Member Since Nov 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 171
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Jun 22, 2011 at 09:53 PM
#2
good question, i wonder the same thing. im a sadomasochist, but also prefer the Dominate role, i do switch a bit though. not surw why i prefer the Dom side, i have a few guesses, but no actual legit reason lol, maybe because ive been taught, more like forced into, being on my own, independent, not relying on others in my child hood, so i just have a natrual assertive, probably more aggressive personality than other women my age. when i come to america, all i new was my dad, so idepended on myself a lot. but there are times where i wld rather prefer the man to control the lovemaking, sometimes it gets old to always be in charge lol... idk really how to explain it, but that is a fetish i have, i also enjoy pain a abit too, not necessarily submit, but sometimes the pain gives me a sense of control, really the masochist has more control then the sadist, because the masochist can stop the sadist from giving the pain anytime he or she want to.
ya, i am also interested in others opinions on this topic. thanks for making it. 21 __________________ "Das ist mein Bier! Das ist nicht dein Bier!" in english, mind your own business! |
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 littlebitlost
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Magnate
Member Since Dec 2010
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Jun 22, 2011 at 10:07 PM
#3
According to Freud fetishes are specifically a male phenomenon. It is a reaction to the fear of castration when the boy infant discovers the mother does not have a .. you know. And really when you look around men tend to be more vocal about liking cigars, or stockings, or clowns or whatever... So perhaps there is some truth to that.
As for the nurse fantasy... well I won't go into it. 
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helloforum
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2009
Location: Michigan
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Jun 22, 2011 at 10:13 PM
#4
That is a good question. I'm kind of attracted to infantilism, specifically diapers. I talked about it in therapy a long time ago with my old T, and we thought that it could simply be my desiring comfort and security, and that the use of diapers communicates these things to me. The motivations may really be that simple. I don't know if this answers your question...hope it helps though
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littlebitlost
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Elder
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Jun 23, 2011 at 09:35 AM
#5
I believe my fetish for BDSM, especially the bondage and being dominated part comes from the relief of not having to be in control and the enjoyment I find in being controlled or restrained. I think it goes back to I had to be in control and in charge a lot, from a very young age, and I feel this lack of me, myself being taken care of, something that the playing submissive to a dominant fufills for me. As for the bondage and the fact I enjoy some pain, I don't know the answer to that. Same way my bf doesn't know the exact answer to why he enjoys giving out pain, but his reasons for being a dominant are the reverse of mine, he likes to feel in control and care for another in that role. I hope this helps!
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helloforum
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Elder
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Jun 23, 2011 at 09:41 AM
#6
Also meant to add, I don't think there is any one universal answer for any fetish or why someone has a fetish. I think within certain fetish communities you may find similar answers, but I believe the development of them is on an individual basis. The most important thing is to accept it and not feel shame, I know I struggled with a lot of shame for my love of BDSM, and it was because I struggled to accept that part of myself because of people's judgements or fear of people's judgements. But in the end I realized it was part of who I am and my sexual identity and I had to accept it and everyone else's opinions or pre-concived ideas didn't matter.
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Member
Member Since Jun 2011
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Jun 23, 2011 at 06:00 PM
#7
Do you think the explaination is fetish specific (e.g. most people with fetish X will have it because of cause Y) or more individual/personal than that.
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Grand Magnate
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Jun 23, 2011 at 07:01 PM
#8
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Typo
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Wise Elder
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Jun 23, 2011 at 07:36 PM
#9
Quote:
every location / culture, race, religion and what not has their own acceptable behaviors and "norms" / roles for what they consider normal sexual activity vs fetish's. 
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Elder
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Jun 23, 2011 at 08:23 PM
#10
I agree with you Indie, good point, a fetish sometimes is non sexual. Also sexual fetishes can have the emotional compontent too. My fetish isn't just sexual it also is very emotionally fufilling to me as well.
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helloforum, Indie'sOK
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2011
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Jun 27, 2011 at 10:44 PM
#11
I don't know why I have mine. But I have a lot of specific memories related to it. I took longer to potty train and I had to get a bed alarm to teach me to wake up when I needed to go. But I assume maybe it was from my first exposure to, well, naked girls. I'm a lesbian now, and I believe born a lesbian, so my first exposure to my desired gender may have been bathroom stuff. Girls pee in front of each other, it's pretty benign. Maybe that was it. I have no clue. But soon after I figured out my sexual orientation and I started, you know, learning to enjoy my sexuality as a teenager, my fetish presented itself pretty early, and all on its own. I've heard of people discovering fetishes my accidentally being exposed to the trigger. I think I just knew and had the self awareness to realize it. I wish I didn't have it. I read one psychologist describe fetishes as heroin for sex. It's so hard to resist a fetish. Impossible, I think maybe. Nothing compares.
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Junior Member
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Jun 27, 2011 at 10:45 PM
#12
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Member
Member Since Apr 2011
Location: Queensland, Australia
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Jul 07, 2011 at 08:51 PM
#13
I think many things contribute to them. Until more research is done on them on a HUGE and wide scale, we wont know. And who wants to really come out and talk about this stuff anyway? Like to people who dont get it..... Need Kinsey to do a study on it. :P
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