Sexuality Question

Butterflies Are Free · Aug 20, 2011 at 02:43 PM

I think this is the first time I have posted in this forum for myself.
I have an interesting "problem". I post in survivors of abuse and in psychotherapy but need help from everyone in here. I am in my early 40s, am a survivor of CSA, have never been in a relationship with either a man or a woman, and find that I am attracted(I think) to both men and women.
If I have never been in a relationship with anyone, how do I really know "what" I am? I think I am past the point of labeling myself and finally just accepted the fact that I am attracted to certain people, regardless of their gender. I get frustrated at times because so many other people seem to know their sexual orientation. I did read a good book last year called, Sexual Fluidity" and it discussed some of my issues. I am not ready for a relationship right now because I am still working on my issues of fear/shame, but someday, I would like to be in one. I guess I keep waiting for the "answer" to just magically drop out of the sky - lol. Thanks for listening!

Omers · Aug 20, 2011 at 06:00 PM

Everyone consciously or not sorts potential mates by a series of criteria. For many gender is really high on the priority list. For those like us it is not that high a priority. I have always been with men but there have been a lot of women I am undeniably attracted to but they have not been available or interested in me. I still consider myself Bi.

Butterflies Are Free · Aug 20, 2011 at 07:25 PM

Thanks for your reply, Omers. I liked how you pointed out that for some people, gender is high on the priority list, and for others, like us, it isn't.

rjaimz · Aug 20, 2011 at 10:59 PM

The way I think of it is love is love no matter who or what gender. We all are attracted to different people for different reasons, and I don't believe gender matters.

lunarpariah · Aug 20, 2011 at 11:12 PM

I think you have a good attitude towards sexuality. Love who you love and you win.

Aug 21, 2011 at 06:39 AM

hey, butterfly. thanks for your post. i think you know the answer to your question of who you are sexually. waiting for an "answer" to fall from the sky and for a "cure" for fear and shame is unrealistic and is causing you to waste valuable time and your life. why postpone joy? the joy of sexuality usually decreases with age; now is the best time to do something about it. if you know who you are attracted to, regardless of their gender, why don't you give it a go? experience is the best learning tool. take the risk - you're worth it!

salukigirl · Aug 21, 2011 at 09:01 PM

I think there are issues with our society trying to pigeon hole people and not allowing the gradient of sexuality that there really is. You being open enough to even explore those possibilities shows a great sexual maturity IMO. A lot of people are terrified of being labeled something considered taboo.

I don't think anyone truly knows who they are or what they want until they are there. I don't know what I want to do until I'm doing it. I have experimented with women and wasn't disgusted but wasn't turned on either. I love my friends (girl or guy) but have done my exploration and know that I'm straight. But you can't knock it til you try it! lol

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Butterflies Are Free Grand Member Member Since Jun 2011 Location: USA Posts: 892 13 26 hugs given	Aug 20, 2011 at 07:25 PM #3 Thanks for your reply, Omers. I liked how you pointed out that for some people, gender is high on the priority list, and for others, like us, it isn't.
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rjaimz Member Member Since Aug 2011 Location: New Mexico Posts: 88 12	Aug 20, 2011 at 10:59 PM #4 The way I think of it is love is love no matter who or what gender. We all are attracted to different people for different reasons, and I don't believe gender matters.
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lunarpariah Member Member Since Jul 2011 Location: Ruston, La Posts: 149 12	Aug 20, 2011 at 11:12 PM #5 I think you have a good attitude towards sexuality. Love who you love and you win. __________________ LunarPariah If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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