Ugh, I never thought I'd say this but...

*hiding behind tree*

I can't believe I'm actually posting this, or that it's actually happening, but last night I had the most vivid and emotional dream that my best friend and I were like, doing it. Even weirder, I... enjoyed it. A whole lot. She knows me very well in real life, and she would know exactly how to completely torture me emotionally like in my dream. Not to mention the absolutely wonderful thought [/sarcasm] that our fantasies work so absolutely perfectly with each others that it's scary. Like, we both find the same things attractive and what we disagree on compliments each other. In other words, if this happened in real life, I can't be sure I would be able to say no.

I feel sick and jittery at how completely probable this would be IRL.

Now I've nothing against gay people mind you, but I've always been sexually attracted to men and I've never thought about other women in this sense. Actually, she's the only female I can even get along with since I can't stand most other females. Frankly it scares the s*** out of me to have dreams like that. She's my friend, and I love her as such, so this dream was just weird for me. And it's really not even the first time I've thought about it. I mean, a good 90 percent of everything we talk about involves the opposite sex and how much we love the male types and yadda yadda. Seriously, all we talk about are guys, which I assume is normal for teenagers, but whatever. There's been a few moments I've gotten extremely flustered, like that time she grabbed my shoulders (which is for some reason the absolute most sensitive part of me and will put me into that sort of mood quickly) KNOWING that it would make me flustered, and I feel weird sitting close to her, so I sit on a seperate piece of furniture at all times.

Now, the last part is normal I think because I am someone DESPERATE for human contact. I don't get it often and when I do I automatically preceive it as intimate. This is probably due to Asperger's but that's beside the point.

I mean, maybe it's just that I miss her. She's been gone for about a month at college. And.... I do love her as a sister. She's like my big sister who encourages all my insane antics.

I'm really confused and embarassed.

*hides back behind the tree*

Hi. From what I can tell, sometimes its natural to have such thoughts or dreams. Its part of your mind exploring who you are, and are not. Also, sometimes, I've read that, your mind can actively pursue thoughts that may make you uncomfortable.

As for advice, I guess the best advice I can try to give, as someone that overthinks, is not to let yourself obsess on it. Or just plain talk about it.(as you are doing now)

Sorry if that doesn't help much, but thought I'd at least try and give some info if nothing else.

Wait, so I shouldn't talk about it or I should? The less I talk about it, the more and more I will obsess over it.

Sorry for the slightly confusing answer. I think I wrote that sort of tired and it made more sense in my head than it does now. What I ment was, those are sort of your options. In so much as, you can ignore it, obsess on it, or talk on it. However, given the choice, I would talk about it, break down uncomfortablity, and fear. After all, prehaps if your feeling more comfortable in yourself, you wont feel so worked up. Hopefully that makes more sense now. D=

P.S: Sorry if I'm not being much use here.

What do you feel is the most threatening thing about it? And why? lol

No no, I welcome your thoughts. I like having a list of my options.

It's threatening because she knows me too well. I am not a "touchy feely" type and being intimate with one I view as my sister knowing how it could end is not something I am comfortable with.

She's a valuable person in your life. The fact that she's away at school has to be hard since you've been such good friends. Having an unexpected dream about someone is understandably surprising but especially when it's about someone you care about.

It's perfectly normal to have such dreams of a sexual nature. You miss her! The dream could be a manifestation of your love for her but doesn't necessarily make you gay. Keep talking!

It's no help that a good chunk of our conversations are sex related and she's literally my only friend. I feel so weirded out, no matter how normal this may or may not be.

Lately, I've dreamt she's just held me close. It's an improvement, but still. Maybe because I finally told her about my possible schizophrenia and she didn't ditch me, idk.

Oh. Great. LOVELY. She's gotten into a habit of using cutesy pet names on me. Apparently she wants to be the cutesy type of girlfriend when she finds the right guy and has decided to practice said behaviour. On me. At least we established the limit of no "sweetheart" since that one gets me most.

She's making this very, very hard to forget.

How goes things now?

One of your concerns was things ending badly?

Sounds like you may have some wish/fear going on?

What would happen if you told your friend what your thoughts were?
I know it's hard when you are unsure even of what you think and feel-you could always express that though. Lol that would be a scary option though, huh-telling her; It hits home for me when you say she's your only female friend.

What scares you more-the idea of having a relationship (hypothectically) with your friend, or the fact that you might be bi or les? Always good to talk about it, hope you keep doing so;

Take care,
-obj

Lovely dream enjoy it.
Cheers.