i dont know

ok this is really hard to explain but here it goes..... im a girl trapped in a boys body i want to get the top and bottom surgery because i want to be a girl i look in my mirror and cry untill i imagine long beautiful hair and having a beautiful face. but the thing is my dad i have no idea how to tell him. see when i was about 10 my dad got really angry tha he picked me up by my neck and just looked into my eyes as if he wanted me to die im now 15. since i was nine i would wear girl clothing in secrecy i never have felt happier. heres a documentary to explain it betteru can watch part 2,3 and 4 after if you want.

I know a few transgender people and am non-binary myself, so I have some idea how you feel In my case though, I have no intention of telling my parents because my relationship with them isn't that good and it would only cause unnecessary grief.

You might find as you get older, as some transgender people do, that your physical body isn't as important as it is now and their dysphoria isn't as aggressive- as long as they 'pass' in public, what they have or haven't got is a matter for a 'need to know' basis, so I wouldn't go for the full panic right now. You don't need to overload yourself or your father with your entire life plan of surgery. The very idea that his son, who I imagine he has a mental image and life plan for, is actually his daughter will be shocking enough and it will be many years before surgery even becomes an option for you.

Do you have other family members you think would be more open to the idea? If so, it would probably be a good idea to get others on-side first and they may even have ideas on how to break it to him. If you really believe your father may act aggressively towards you, perhaps it might be a good idea to think about what you would do if he did- is there anywhere else you can go? Would it be better to wait and tell him when you are a little bit older (I know how it can hurt to hide something like that about yourself though)?

Good luck.

Hey, DamienV. I can only imagine what you're going thru, but it imagines pretty scary. Pandoren's advice sounds pretty good. I'm sure glad you've signed onto PC & hope you post here a lot. I think you can build up a good support system here.

Roadrunner

theres just my dad and his brother left he also wouldn't allow it i just wish i could find someone to be with me as i have no one. im so alone i wear a tight coat so it feels like im getting a hug. i just want out.

Hey DamienV,

I'm trans myself, and went through the process of transition, starting at 20. I'm 28 now. I know it's hard to deal with when you're under your parents' thumb (my parents were transphobic too), but you gotta hang in there. If you need, find small things you can do to make a step in the right direction. Simple things like growing out your hair, or practicing your voice (the latter is one of the hardest part of transition anyway, but if you do, you'll be very ready when the time is right to go out there and be yourself). One day you'll be independent, and you'll be ready to start your transition then.

Feel free to PM me for support, or if you have any questions.

Wow, I can't imagine how that must feel for you. I wish there was something I could do to help you. All I can say is, I hope you figure this out. I know things like this can get really weird and hard to deal with. Hang in there. I know that people will talk, they will treat you like dirt sometimes, and they can be b****es, and it hurts, but in the end, NOBODY should be able to tell you who you are. Not your dad, not the kids at school, nobody. Only you are allowed to decide that. Good luck with it all.

I had some things to add to my last reply. I reread your post and it made me think of a quote from Kurt Cobain, "Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." I completely agree with this (and not just because I practically worship Kurt Cobain ) But this is so true. Find a way to be happy with who you are. Do what you want, find who you were meant to be, no matter what people tell you. Good luck, again

hi, (((DamienV)))

thanks for your post. i am gay. when i was young i thought i was a girl in a boys body. it was not easy, my parents were catholic and conservative and my only siblings were younger brothers. i never have really figured out if i am really gay or trans but settled for being gay. in the gay community there are cross-dressers / drag queens. perhaps, until you are old enough to opt for transgender surgery, you can go the drag queen route. hopefully, it will help you keep in touch with yourself - maybe even make friends - until you are old enough to decide if you want trans surgery.

funny story: my parents sent me to an all-boys catholic high school to "toughen me up." i stayed to myself out of fear. years later, i ran into someone from high school in a gay bar who had been well-connected and even served as class president for 3 years. he started telling me stories of who was gay, who was bi and who was a drag queen. i was shocked to learn that someone i had lunch with everyday was a drag queen and i never even knew. so, you are not alone. gays / bi's / trans are everywhere and in every age group. are you in tillsonburg, ontario? you do know that toronto is a very gay city? you can research it online. perhaps you can find a youth support group there. keep in touch, feel free to PM and hang in there!

I can't begin to know how you feel. In my experience most people are not totally either or but there are all kinds of degrees of sexuality. Mostly you need to be the person you are and the one that God made you on the inside. No one else can tell you that. You get to discover that for yourself. I suppose that if I were in your shoes though, I would take my time deciding who I am and learn as much about my self as I could. A lot of people who are rigid about their ideas one way or the other are no nearly as confident as they would like you to believe. I wish for you all the best in your struggle for self identity