[LiteraryLark]

I'm pansexual, I can find anybody attractive of all ages, sizes, orientations, races, beliefs, etc. I've never told anybody this--not even my bff or my T--but there are some people that I have feelings for who are much older and have a fatherly quality to them. Like this guy who is about 40+ my senior that I've known for 8 years. My feelings have never changed, though now that I'm older I understand boundaries and age differences and know it would never work (I don't think he has any idea about my feelings).

I'm finding this really hard to talk about. I wouldn't say I am attracted to them physically, it's just that fatherly quality that I like. And there is nothing wrong with the relationship between me and my dad, we're really close and he's a great dad so it's not like I have no father figure in my life.

Does anyone know why this is? Could this be a hidden want for a marraige or long term relationship?

[lynn P.]

Yes it happens fairly often with people. It could be you have some issues with your own father and it can be transference as well. Some may think transference only happens with a psychologist or doctor, but its happens in small ways, in everyday life. There's also some men who would love to catch a young womans eye, so that doesn't help.

[hamster-bamster]

I have been with 4 men who were older than my parents, although I must say, not 40 years my senior.

One of these men I had a very serious crush on.

But I did have the issue of absent father, so perhaps my experiences are irrelevant to you.

[Kant]

You could have transference issues, or that could just be what you like. So long what you like will not hurt anyone and is not illegal why ask why?
I do think that there may be a part of you that wants a sense of normalcy and reliability in once of your relationships. Many people want someone reliable that they can trust and come back to knowing that they will be there for them and also what to expect from them. A person like that makes exploring and having fun with other people feel safer, in a way.

[Kant]

And the more I think about it, the more I would like to take that a step further. Asking if something is 'normal' is a lot like asking someone which way is up. The answer will depend on the position of the person you ask. What is normal for me, would be considered abnormal by many. But my normal is conservative for a lot of people.

[LiteraryLark]

I dont' know what transference means, but whenever I think about marraige and relationships, I am always looking for someone that I can have the same relationship my parents have because their relationship is perfect in my eyes. I want that kind of relationship, and I guess I fall for father figures because I am looking for someone who has the same loving qualities that my dad has for my mom.

[Kant]

transference [trans-fer´ens]
“in psychiatry, the unconscious tendency of a patient to assign to others in the present environment feelings and attitudes associated with significant persons in one's earlier life….”

As taken from http://medical-dictionary.thefreedic...m/transference