How important is sex in a relationship?

Mar 18, 2012 at 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColourBars

I wonder if we can train ourselves to do that. Within an instant. But it could be a side effect of natural reactions: Fight or Flight. Now we have freeze!

I'm kind of having the same issues with my partner - except it got to the point where me "just going along with it" wasn't good enough anymore. And then I couldn't do it at all. Now we're at one of those cliffs...aiyee.

I personally find sex pretty tedious and mechanical, even if I love my partner. It's just not a part of true intimacy for me. I'd rather be doing a lot of other things, and yep - I do sort of mentally drift off.

ColourBars · Mar 20, 2012 at 02:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morsecoded

I'm kind of having the same issues with my partner - except it got to the point where me "just going along with it" wasn't good enough anymore. And then I couldn't do it at all. Now we're at one of those cliffs...aiyee.

I personally find sex pretty tedious and mechanical, even if I love my partner. It's just not a part of true intimacy for me. I'd rather be doing a lot of other things, and yep - I do sort of mentally drift off.

Yeah... that's what I kinda do too... I think? (I believe we're on the same page).

I dunno, like, I know that having sex is a really important big thing for him. So usually I just nod along to what he wants to do and let him do what he wants to me. That usually satisfies him. I don't think it's fair if I don't let him do that because he's always there trying to cheer me up, motivate me and supports me. The leaaaaast I can do is **** him, so to speak.

Mar 20, 2012 at 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColourBars

Yeah... that's what I kinda do too... I think? (I believe we're on the same page).

I dunno, like, I know that having sex is a really important big thing for him. So usually I just nod along to what he wants to do and let him do what he wants to me. That usually satisfies him. I don't think it's fair if I don't let him do that because he's always there trying to cheer me up, motivate me and supports me. The leaaaaast I can do is **** him, so to speak.

LOL, what we do for love.

It does seem to be a big deal for them, though that completely baffles me. Still, I don't need to feel it to understand that it's a need for them. (I have issues with just going along sometimes because I did that when I was younger and it just...I don't know, really set my teeth on edge.) Welp, I did get downgraded from partner last night.

I hope things go better for you.

ColourBars · Mar 21, 2012 at 02:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morsecoded

LOL, what we do for love.

It does seem to be a big deal for them, though that completely baffles me. Still, I don't need to feel it to understand that it's a need for them. (I have issues with just going along sometimes because I did that when I was younger and it just...I don't know, really set my teeth on edge.) Welp, I did get downgraded from partner last night.

I hope things go better for you.

Downgraded? O_O What does that mean? I'm thinking of computers, and files and hard drives....

I often get really envious how he can just get aroused... *snap* just like that. Like someone posted before, it's so rare to even get to that moment in my brain and body - that when I do get it, I get so anxious and stressed to "keep it" because I know that is something he wants to see.... then it goes away... blah.

But anyway! I'm still struggling to think how to deal with this. I waaant to talk about it to my T but.... this stuff is awkward. to the max.

Mar 23, 2012 at 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColourBars

Downgraded? O_O What does that mean? I'm thinking of computers, and files and hard drives....

I often get really envious how he can just get aroused... *snap* just like that. Like someone posted before, it's so rare to even get to that moment in my brain and body - that when I do get it, I get so anxious and stressed to "keep it" because I know that is something he wants to see.... then it goes away... blah.

But anyway! I'm still struggling to think how to deal with this. I waaant to talk about it to my T but.... this stuff is awkward. to the max.

Haha, downgraded as in "we are now best friends". But you could say that she has decided to find a better computer while keeping the old one in the corner (because she's still attached to it, it just doesn't serve her needs). Now I have to tell my family. NOOOEZ. D:

I know what you mean. I was digging for any tiny bit of drive or capability of arousal that I could use with her (before things ended), but it kept failing to surface. So much for that! It just wasn't working.

Oh, I know. I can imagine how difficult it would be to discuss it face-to-face with anyone. T__T If you want, you can talk to me about it. I mean, I'm no guru, obviously, but...I'm another brain to bounce things off of.

ColourBars · Mar 30, 2012 at 02:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morsecoded

Oh, I know. I can imagine how difficult it would be to discuss it face-to-face with anyone. T__T If you want, you can talk to me about it. I mean, I'm no guru, obviously, but...I'm another brain to bounce things off of.

The computer explanation really helped describe things. I'm sorry about the downgrading incident.

I hope all goes well for you!

Talking about it? Coolz! That would be cool. Talking to you over the computer would be great! I don't know who you are! Except you like anime? And you don't know me!

I guess one thing is to start is.... uhh... hmm.... where do I start?

1) I'm not a very lustful person to begin with. He has a very high sex drive. I don't know how I get from low - to - high. I've heard that there are such things as testosterone patches that boosts libido... but how does that work? Also, does it conflict with birth control too? Eeek.

2) How do I please him when I don't want to do anything sexual. Like... nothing sexual at all.

CantExplain · Apr 04, 2012 at 01:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColourBars

How important is sex in a relationship? If you plan to marry them too? And be with them "forever" or as long as life allows?

I have lots of valuable relationships that don't involve any sex.
If I didn't have a sexual relationship I would certainly want one.

I don't suppose that quite answers your question, though!

23andlost · Jun 02, 2012 at 04:48 AM

Eh, this is something I think about a lot. I have a physical problem that makes sex painful and impossible for me and Ive avoided trying to start any relationships because I am humiliated by this and dont want to deal with being rejected because of it. I guess Ive just assumed all women would need sex, but seems like some could be ok without it. Makes me feel a little better I guess.

fishsandwich · Jun 02, 2012 at 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColourBars

I wonder if we can train ourselves to do that. Within an instant. But it could be a side effect of natural reactions: Fight or Flight. Now we have freeze!

The freeze reaction is another aspect of 'fight or flight'. If you can't do either, you freeze and try to blend into the surroundings:
http://www.myshrink.com/counseling-theory.php?t_id=85

UCTD · Aug 09, 2012 at 07:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColourBars

Guess the relationship isn't gonna last too long if one person loves sex and the other doesn't really like it.

Not necessarily true. If the two people can reach some agreeable compromise, the relationship can be forever.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perna

Sexuality is a normal part of being human; the sex drive varies person to person though. I think sex is important in a relationship only inasmuch as other compatibility issues are important; if one does not get along sexually, there will be stress in the relationship just as surely as if one doesn't agree on finances or emotional expression or how to raise the children, etc.

Sexuality is part of one's expression of who a person is; for example, Pandoren's asexuality would not go well with someone with a high sex interest, as has been said. But sexuality isn't something that can be willfully controlled, anymore than breathing or eating can be; boys/men ejaculate in their sleep and I've lost count of the number of sex dreams I've had :-) It's a physical part of us.

YES! Absolutely true. At least in my own situation. For me, sex is the affirmation that THIS relationship is unique from all of our other relationships. The stress comes in when either partner insists on having things their way. There has to be some compromise, just as in most aspects of any relationship.

Leos · Aug 11, 2012 at 10:31 AM

Just to add what I think:
I've been in a relationship for 2 years now and I think our sexual life is killing the relationship. Sometimes I'm not in the mood (have my own problem

) the other time she doesn't like it... and we are starting to grow apart

I do think sex is important. But it depends on you and your partner.

You just made me think and I will try to fix my problem and try harder for her...
Thanks

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Our community offers: No spam. No trolls. No social media connections.

How important is sex in a relationship?

My Support Forums