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Legendary
Member Since Feb 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,269
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#21
Girlio - you're very confused ATM. The reason you're both separated is to put distance between you. You're an abused woman and this messes with your mind. Men who abuse are VERY charming at 1st and true they do have some redeeming qualities. That time when you fell in love is gone and you both need time to heal. If he tried to kill you...there's no going back.
You have to stop letting him come to your house and draw the line to 'no more physical contact'. That image of the man you fell in love with is gone. Reach out for help from an abuse women place. I don't mean to sound harsh but one day you may end up killed. There's no negotiating with a man like this. Its time to draw the line, even it it means getting restraining order or going some where safe. This isn't a relationship that can be worked out and you need to stop flip flopping. You'll never be able to think straight with him barging in when ever he wants. You deserve some peace, therefore what steps are you willing to take today? __________________ This is our little cutie Bella *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) Last edited by lynn P.; Apr 05, 2012 at 12:48 PM.. |
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KeepGoing8
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Legendary
Member Since May 2010
Location: Cape Town South Africa
Posts: 11,937
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#22
I'm sorry, I can't assist any further, this thread has become too triggering. I will however leave you some questions:
. Have you looked inside yourself and been honest about why you're staying? And no, not the lighthearted stuff you tell yourself to make it ok, like 'my bestfriend's still in there' bcoz you KN0W he's not. HE TRIED TO KILL YOU, not very friendly now is he? I'm talking about YOU... Why do YOU stay? Are you dependant on him? Are you scared of being alone? Are you scared of leaving? . You want to save your marriage but at what cost, your life? I honestly hope whatever the cost, it's worth it. . I'm sorry for being harsh, I just don't understand why you don't value yourself, your life. . God bless |
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lynn P.
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Junior Member
Member Since Mar 2012
Posts: 17
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#23
I'm working on figuring that out. Transition is in the making. It's starts with ending the silence.
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KeepGoing8
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Member
Member Since Oct 2011
Location: on a small farm
Posts: 33
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#24
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2012
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posts: 1,957
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#25
Girlio, you are doing the right thing by leaving. I know it's painful, and I know you must be facing doubts. But if he tried to kill you on top of everything else he has done, if he actually had planned it to the point of him knowing where to hide you...you need to go, and never, ever look back. The man you married isn't there anymore.
I am so sorry...I hate telling people things like that, and I hate worse that things like this happen to people. But you need to get out, for you. Please don't doubt for a moment that you are doing the right thing by leaving. __________________ The world suffers alot. Not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people.- Napoleon Bonaparte |
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Grand Member
Member Since Oct 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 898
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#26
From what you have written, it sounds to me like you are in potential danger. You may be all right for a time, but what happens when he gets angry with you the next time? I find that I can deal with a lot of verbal and emotional abuse perhaps, but physical danger is a different matter altogether.
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Magnate
Member Since Nov 2010
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 2,439
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#27
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 673
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#28
Quote:
It sounds like you guys have mismatched sex drives. If you want to salvage your relationship with your husband, you guys need to sit down, talk about this and work out a compromise. My bf and I have mismatched sex drives, but we have a compromise that works for us. If he is in the mood, I will allow him to have sex with me, even if I'm not in the mood. I don't pretend to be into it, and I don't put on a show for him. But I don't mind having sex with him, if I'm not in the mood. It's just not a big deal for me. But if for some reason I really don't want to have sex (like I'm too busy or I'm in pain), then I say 'no' and he respects that. Then I will typically help him masturbate. This compromise works for us. You and your husband need to find a compromise that works for both of you. Also, the abuse needs to stop. __________________ age: 23 dx: bipolar I, ADHD-C, tourette's syndrome, OCD, trichotillomania, GAD, Social Phobia, BPD, RLS current meds: depakote (divalproex sodium) 1000mg, abilify (aripiprazole) 4mg, cymbalta (duloxetine) 60mg, dexedrine (dexamphetamine) 35mg, ativan (lorazepam) 1mg prn, iron supplements past meds: ritalin, adderall, risperdal, geodon, paxil, celexa, zoloft other: individual talk therapy, CBT, group therapy, couple's therapy, hypnosis |
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Junior Member
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: California
Posts: 7
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#29
That is out of line. Not only did he wander off in your marriage but instead of trying to mend the relationship, seems like he's only worried about the sex. I don't know you nor your husband so I cannot go into great detail with my response but from what I am reading, he is not doing a great job at trying to fix anything. Emotional abuse can be possibly worse as it can affect your mind - which can affect your life. He doesn't seem to respect you at all. Please do what you truly feel is right for YOU.
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Member
Member Since Mar 2012
Location: Cali
Posts: 243
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#30
Please get yourself somewhere where you feel safe Girlio. Do you have family or friends you could stay with for a week or two while you get legal council and perhaps a restraining order? There are also women's shelters and retreats that are specifically for women in your situation. Because of the threat to your life (and by the way, if he considered, planned, and even attempted to kill you once and he "doesn't know why," there is NO garuntee that he won't be inexplicably triggered into that homicidal mania again) I really fear for your safety and well being. You are in a pretty extreme abuse- based relationship and you have to take equally "extreme" measures to protect yourself. You mentioned a stepson? Is he a witness to this abuse and rape? Think about how witnessing this kind of male behavior in a relationship might ultimately influence his development into a young man? Think of what he would go through if you were killed. If you can't see yourself as worth saving, see your stepson as worthy of having you, safe and alive and still in his life.
I feel such pain for you in your situation. I wish you the best and send all the strength I have to you. Do the right thing. |
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Junior Member
Member Since Mar 2012
Posts: 17
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#31
He says that he is going to get help. He got online yesterday and researched domestic violence and brought up on his own how he abuses sex for power and said it was wrong when he made me have sex when I didn't want to. He then got very quiet and sad and 'how did I get like this?? how did I become this person?' and I felt bad for him. Time will tell if he will change or if this is just a ploy to keep me holding on. He apologized for everything except hitting me. He said he is not physically abusive because I was a disgusting pill popper when he hit me and I had it coming. I have 73 days sober today, FYI.
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Legendary
Member Since Feb 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,269
(SuperPoster!)
15 2,432 hugs
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#32
Quote:
Quote:
__________________ This is our little cutie Bella *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
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Member
Member Since Mar 2012
Posts: 252
12 142 hugs
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#33
Quote:
__________________ 'A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left.' Marylin Monroe |
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