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Priska
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Default Jun 15, 2012 at 02:52 PM
  #1
My boyfriend left me a month ago because he no longer finds me sexually attractive.
It is obviously very hard to hear and as a result my self-esteem has diminished a lot and I feel repellant (hurray!).

When we last met, I asked him if he could explain how it so suddenly happened (but maybe it's only the revelation of it that was sudden... I never noticed anything particularly wrong while we were together).

And then he said 'There's something about food with you, you are generous, kind, you like to give ... and I like to eat... (then he stopped speaking and said..) OK I have a problem with my mother...'

I suspected something of the sort, but hearing it was devastating...

However, he refused to even consider that the link he established between me and his mother may be related to his loss of sexual attraction for me.

He said he 'adores me' and I'm the best thing that has happened to him in 2 years... But wants us to be friends from now on. He ruled out any sexual relationship between us.
He even reproached me the fact that while we were together he felt that when he hugged me I expected intercourse to follow (wrong!)... In short, he did not understand that I could have desire for him (he was my boyfriend, of course I felt strong desire for him, but was far from being all over him at all times!).

I'm at a loss and need to understand.

If anyone can give me a clue, I'd appreciate.
Thank you.
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mazing
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Default Jun 17, 2012 at 12:11 AM
  #2
I'm sorry to hear of your break-up. Break-ups are always hard. It seems from what you have said that he has a lot of things he needs to work out before he can commit to a serious relationship.

I know it can be so hard after separating but if possible try to distract yourself with other things and not blame yourself It really seems like there are things that he needs to work on, and it isn't anything to do with you.
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Priska
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Default Jun 17, 2012 at 02:59 PM
  #3
Thank you for your kind words.

I don't blame myself actually. I've done a couple of mistakes in this relationship, but nothing that could not have been overcome had he been willing to communicate properly with me and demonstrate a bit of courage.

I am not satisfied though with this sudden loss of attraction (who could be ?) and wished I could get an answer that would allow me to move on freely.

What is so heartbreaking about it is that there is no mending possible.

If I had done something wrong, were letting myself down or not trying to answer his needs, I could perhaps understand... But it just was not the case.
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Default Jun 23, 2012 at 08:38 PM
  #4
I can completely understand that Priska. Unfortunately, from my experience it is generally only time that can help heal those wounds

As I said before, the best thing I have found is to try and take care of yourself - spend time with friends, pamper yourself. In time, it will get easier.
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