[heart111]

I started having sex when I was 14. It was my first time and with my husband to be who is still my husband some 47 years later. We used pornography, fantasies, and even others throughout our sex life. My husband started to feel bad about this some 5 years ago and thus stopped any extra-curricular activity in the sexual arena. I find that I cannot have an orgasm any longer, nor do I feel inclined to have sex with him anymore unless we can use the things we used to use. I do not want to have sex with anyone else. Consequently, we have gone 2 years without having sex together. When we do have sex, I will usually get him off and go to sleep frustrated. He masturbates and seems to prefer that anyway. I will masturbate but will have to use pornography or fantasies in order to orgasm. We started out wrong and now I cannot seem to just want him as we have always had something or someone else with us in the sexual equation. Needless to say, I am frustrated.

[Purple Heart]

Hi Heart111

Maybe it may be a good idea for both of you to see together a sex therapist to help resolve your sexual difficulties together. Communication is the key as well as guidance/help from the therapist so you can both enjoy from having sex with each other without necessarily the need for pornography.

[Harley47]

I agree with Purple Heart. Communication is absolutely vital in situations like this.

Have you asked him why the sudden shift occurred, or told him how you feel? Does he understand your frustration? Strange as it may sound to you, he may not be aware there is an issue. If he's content and you haven't given him reason to think anything is wrong, he's going to assume all is well (not to put this on you though, not at all ).

[Perna]

Yes, habits can do that. I would first see my doctor, make sure my thyroid, etc. are firing on most cylinders, then I would find a 1970's book or two by a female, there were two or three women whose names I can't remember (maybe Jane Thomas and her book, Ways Women Orgasm), that taught women how to orgasm and I'd experiment, sort of start over?