On "Cloud Nein": A Nazi Fetishist in a Vanilla and Kinky World

LiteraryLark · Sep 01, 2012 at 08:45 PM

I wrote this for fetlife.com, a BDSM social networking website. This is a snippet of how I feel being a Nazi fetishist. I wanted to include it here for those who have a fetish of their own and feel like they have no one to relate to. I hope you can feel less alone and feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to.

I am uneasy that even in the BDSM world, my one true fetish is highly taboo and offensive to people vanilla and kinky alike. According to some, ignore what mods say about acceptance and respect because a Nazi fetishist is indecent, dirty, immoral, and an accomplice to murder and doesn’t deserve the proper respect that we give to other users of Fetlife….really? I’m not going to go into the politics of it all or be witty and sharp-tongued like what you see in kinky&popular; I’m only going to talk about how I feel, being a Nazi fetishist and new to the BDSM scene.

When I first joined FetLife after I had discovered and accepted this fetish, I thought a Nazi fetish would be like any other fetish where I would find a large group of people going into discussions on different aspects of the lifestyle like the main BDSM sections, munches and groups for those in my area, and was surprised there were only a few groups with not much activity. Under the fetish list, there are random “stick a pineapple up Hitler’s ***” fetishes, but “nazi uniforms” seems to be the only legit fetish with the most users. Should I be surprised? I was used to following fetishists and reenactors on deviantart, but I thought that fetlife would be a step above and a safe haven for fetishists like me. Who else could I share my experiences with?

I’m not a fangirl, squealing at Hitler’s name with big googly eyes. I’m not a real Nazi and I don’t believe or endorse Nazism. I’m not into whips or chains (or throwing people into furnaces, for that matter) and I’m neither a sadist nor a dominatrix. I love the Jewish culture and I am strongly against the Holocaust and am not aroused by any aspects associated with the camps. I don’t approve the things Hitler’s done and the Nazis are rather frightening when they’re marching and chanting. I am not a sexual person and I enjoy doing things most normal college girls like to do: shopping, cooking, going out to the beach or hiking with friends, but when a WWII doc comes on or I see a Hitler meme online I’m squirming on the edge of my seat with an obsessive craving, and if I was alone I’d raise my right arm and I’d feel empowered. I collect nazi pictures from deviantart and have made my own uniforms plus bought an SS reproduction uniform. The power I’ve felt when I first wore my uniform was exhilarating. The way the insignia glistened in the sunlight as I stared at my reflection in the backyard made me swell with pride. I didn’t understand why I felt that way, and it was then when I questioned my loyalty.

I was hoping I could find solid ground by coming here, a safe place to keep me in check and in reality when I was on “Cloud Nein.” “How could I be an American when I put on my uniform?”, “How could I love something that is so full of hate?” “How could I have feelings for murderers?”, “Am I a bad person?” It took me a long time to answer those questions, and they aren’t easy answers. Part of BDSM is role-playing, which is to dress up and be anything you want to be. When I wear my uniform I can be as strong and powerful as I want to be and have nothing to be afraid of like the Nazis. It’s so hard to come down from “Cloud Nein” because IRL…a doormat. I’m always angry about it, but I let people walk over me because I enjoy pleasing people. But when I wear the uniform…people will please me and I can be in control. When I’m thinking about it, I feel powerful. Would it change my mind about the fetish if I had the power I wanted IRL? No, it wouldn’t. I enjoy the fantasy and it is as much a part of me as my gender and orientation. It’s a kink, it’s what turns me on. Like some people have a toe-sucking fetish and think it’s the bee’s knees while I think it’s absolutely disgusting and gross. That’s my opinion, but I’m not going to troll toe sucking threads to voice my opinion on how I think it’s gross. That wouldn’t be fair. It wouldn’t be fair to do the same to my threads, no matter what people’s opinions are on the Nazis. It’s hard enough to question one’s orientation, but to question your sexuality as well as your loyalty without having anyone to relate to who hasn’t been affected by the Holocaust, no one to understand that it’s not the pain and suffering and the deaths that turn me on…I feel so alone. Those who aren’t hurt by it laugh about it. They make a mockery of it, so I know now that I can only be open about it if I’m expressing hatred or laughing about it. Where can I find other people like me so I don’t feel so alone? I feel conflicted. I am turned on by something so evil and I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but to me it’s like it’s saturated in my DNA. I will always feel this way, even when I set it aside and try to move on. And despite how people feel, it’s who I am. It’s a fetish. I am a Nazi fetishist.

Harley47 · Sep 02, 2012 at 12:48 AM

Wow...that's really well done Doc. You should feel proud on that one.

I hope you're not encountering any trouble on Fetlife about it? If so, I hope this clears it up. The article is very well written and done in a logical manner (with a nice flare to it imo...though I'm not sure I can mentally unsee the pineapple

). Keep in mind some people will still troll just to troll (I'm actually surprised PC doesn't get many...small miracle) but I hope this sets some minds at ease.

LiteraryLark · Sep 02, 2012 at 01:28 AM

That means a lot Harley

Harley47 · Sep 02, 2012 at 01:46 AM

No problem Doc.

Just calling it as I see it, is all.

LiteraryLark · Sep 18, 2012 at 11:41 AM

There's nothing wrong with me!

lynn P. · Sep 18, 2012 at 11:52 AM

I'm curious on one thing and want to ask an innocent question - since its a uniform, wouldn't a top general for the American army be okay? Navy Seals are top in their field and powerful.

LiteraryLark · Sep 18, 2012 at 12:03 PM

Yeah, I get aroused when I see formal uniform attire when my dad watches History channel/war movies. I always wished the US had nicer uniforms.

On "Cloud Nein": A Nazi Fetishist in a Vanilla and Kinky World

On "Cloud Nein": A Nazi Fetishist in a Vanilla and Kinky World

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On "Cloud Nein": A Nazi Fetishist in a Vanilla and Kinky World

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LiteraryLark Crowned "The Good Witch" Member Since Jun 2009 Location: Wonderland Posts: 11,536 (SuperPoster!) 15 1,318 hugs given	Sep 02, 2012 at 01:28 AM #3 That means a lot Harley
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Harley47 Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2012 Location: North Carolina, USA Posts: 1,957 12 411 hugs given	Sep 02, 2012 at 01:46 AM #4 No problem Doc. Just calling it as I see it, is all. __________________ The world suffers alot. Not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people.- Napoleon Bonaparte
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LiteraryLark Crowned "The Good Witch" Member Since Jun 2009 Location: Wonderland Posts: 11,536 (SuperPoster!) 15 1,318 hugs given	Sep 18, 2012 at 11:41 AM #5 There's nothing wrong with me!
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LiteraryLark Crowned "The Good Witch" Member Since Jun 2009 Location: Wonderland Posts: 11,536 (SuperPoster!) 15 1,318 hugs given	Sep 18, 2012 at 12:03 PM #7 Yeah, I get aroused when I see formal uniform attire when my dad watches History channel/war movies. I always wished the US had nicer uniforms. This is Elvis, btw
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