Homosexual urges

I posted here a few months ago but not too many people replied..im 26yo male who considers himself straight, ive been with plenty of women and enjoy everything about the female body. however ever since puberty ive had these very strong urges to be with a man. More specifically being a
bottom for an older top. As in, i want to be the girl and more fem. I did experiment once when i was about 19, met a guy off internet, ended up having sex in his car. it felt good, but i didnt once get an erection, infact i asked him to stop and he did...i felt terrible and guilty about myself for YEARS!!!
the urges got less and less but they have been really strong lately. ive been talkin to guy online for awhile now and im not sure if i should go through with it or not..i DONT want to feel that way again, i am a single father and that would make me feel like less of a man in someway, but the urges are so strong i need help!!! will these thoughts go away ever? am i crazy/bipolar/gay/curious/bi or something? i dont know whats wrong with me!

I'm sorry but I can't answer your questions except to tell you that you aren't crazy.
I can make some obvious suggestions. If I were in this position I'd try not to follow through on this current liaison. If the consequences of the last one were so bad that it took years to get over it then it just isn't worth the risk.
Maybe you can sort out your feelings and gender issues with counseling.
That may give you some insights into our sexual orientation and help you to accept and feel okay about it or it may lead to some other resolution.
Good luck on working this out in a way that makes you comfortable with your urges and your sexuality.

Yes, I also suggest you seek a counselor. Do you want to stay married? Keep in mind the repercussions if you continue this relationship with the man. Are you more interested in just the physical act or do you want a complete relationship with a man, including emotional attachment? I know of men who are happily married who have experimented with male sex, but prefer women.

I am not married and i am single, i would never want to be in a relationship with a man i suppose its just the sex

Sorry, I didn't read your post as carefully as I should have. I just noticed the fact that you had a child.

I still suggest you talk to a therapist. If you chose the homosexual lifestyle, then you need to be careful and prepared for some people's reactions, of course. I think you might be labeled "bisexual," but I am no "sexpert." If you can live a hetero lifestyle, then I truly believe that's the best.

I suggest you would probably benefit from the services of therapist. I suggest one who understands sexuality isn't a choice, but part of a persons genetic makeup. No matter your sexual orientation, you have every right to be proud of who you are. A good therapist will help you determine what spectrum you fit into. If you feel "pushed" into a "label", find a new therapist.

Thanks for sharing. I guess unfortunately I can relate to a degree. I always have been attracted to women but would become very shy when it came to asking for a date. I have only had four heterosexual relationships that we're consummated and I didn't loose my virginity until after high school, which always bothered me. That being said I have always had a similar urge or fantasy to be a fem in a homosexual experience. I am not even turned on by looking at a guy but somehow I have had recurrent urges to be submissive. I had one partially same sex experience when I was 11 with my best friend at the time who kind of forced himself on me at a sleep over and wanted me to be a girl during this encounter. I was ashamed and guilt ridden. I was afraid I was gay. That said somehow i repressed this experience. I also had earlier developed a fascination with my own body a few yrs earlier. However after finally losing my virginity these thoughts dissipated until these relationships ended. Whenever I single these urges have resurfaced. About a year ago I started chatting online with a gay male and his comments aroused me but I never went through with anything beyond online chat. Sorry for being long winded but thought this might help reassure you there are others out there with similar feelings.

I am an out gay man. I have some comments on what you have said:

1. In gay sex they are tops and bottoms and those who are versatile (can both top and bottom). Being a bottom does not make you a woman. You are a man - 100% man - who enjoys bottoming. Yes, many bottoms are effiminate men; however, many are not. They prefer to bottom because that is what they enjoy. (Apparently, **** sex stimulates the prostate and is enjoyable to many.)

2. You are dealing with fantasies when it comes to **** sex. Just the thoughts are turn ons but your real life experience has been different even though has been very limited. Apparently, there is a lot of shame involved too as you had feelings that caused you to avoid doing it again for years. Please try to separate the fantasy from the reality, it will better prepare you emotionally if you choose to engage in **** sex.

3. Your first encounter was not ideal. It was with a stranger and in a car. Give yourself a better situation this time. Get you know your partner; make sure they practice safe sex; tell them outright that you do not want to engage in things that will bring about feelings of shame such as overly dirty talk, degrading behavior, etc. And, select a better place, e.g., a hotel room where you feel free to experiment with different positions, talk with your partner before and afterwards, have your partner stick around afterwards and perhaps try it again until you are more comfortable with the both the sexual and emotional feelings. Finding a trusty partner with more experience would help.

I hope these comments are helpful and wish you the best!

Also have you ever considered getting a female to wear a strap-on? Since it seems to me you're not attracted to men but women, but you like to be the bottom in **** sex. So maybe a woman could provide that for you?