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Member Since Sep 2012
Location: home
Posts: 4
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#1
I am confused as to what my sexul orientation would be. I'm female and I always have crushes on famous or make believe men and women, the less real they are or the more tragic their story like they died the more I wish I could be with them like in bed and all that. Then in real life when I get hit on or asked out by men and sometimes wome, I turn them down. They could be sweet, beautiful peopl and many of them have had hard lives but I can never accept another human being as more than a friend.
I wasn't always like this. Well I was but not to this degree. In high shool I would agree to be a some ones girfriend but then refuse to spen time alone with them beause I thought "alone time" would lead to kisses and hand holding and progress into more over time and all of that sounded icky to me. I can't remember ever willingly kissing any one. One of my friends (girl) forced a kiss on me on my twenty first birthday. I'm ashamed to admit that as far as I can recall that was my first kiss. I didn't hat eit but I have no desire to ever do it again. Though I do wonder what it'd be like to be with some one like her whom I love and trust. I feel weird and ashamed because human flesh just doesn't turn me on but book characters and anime people or even characters on tv shows get me going. I can't watch normal porn though with out laughing at the insanely bad acting and poor excuses for story plot. So what am I exactly Asexual? Or is there some sort of term for my strange desire for the unreal? |
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Member
Member Since Oct 2011
Location: Land of Stumps and Dismay
Posts: 347
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#2
My first thought would be whether you don't experience sexual attraction to real people or whether there are other reasons why you turn people down... some kind of emotional aversion. From what you've said though, you have things in common with other people who identify as asexual. Other asexuals have described having fantasies about people who don't exist while not experiencing attraction to people who do, or about being aversive to partners because of a fear it will lead into unwanted territory.
You don't sound anything unusual to me, but if your apparent lack of in-real-life sexuality bothers you, then you might want to seek therapy to either see if you can correct what you see as a problem or else to help you come to terms with how you are. If you feel now that you are asexual, there is nothing to stop you from using the label. If you later feel that you aren't asexual, no one is going to tell you off for using it. As for "a strange desire for the unreal"... I don't know, maybe you could call it a type of fetish? Don't feel weird and ashamed You are just as human as anyone else. |
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Junior Member
Member Since Sep 2012
Location: North East of England
Posts: 7
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#3
I think I understand you. Up until this year I think, I liked people of my own age at my own school. But now the only people I like are celebrities, unreachable people. I play a game called Dragon Age and I practically fell in love with one of the characters in the game. I watch a lot of youtube stars too, and recently I just had to pull myself together after feeling like I loved one of them.
Kissing and anything sexual sounds icky to me too! I actually had my first kiss a couple of months ago... at first I was like "Oh kissing isn't so scary!" because I was so nervous then afterwards "Well this is boring." It didn't really do anything for me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm asexual or simply terribly afraid of intimacy. I always joke that my laptop is my boyfriend, but I'm really only half-joking. |
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Member Since Sep 2012
Location: brazil
Posts: 80
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#4
i'm thinking that maybe, you don't need to rush yourself, there's nothing wrong in not being with somebody. you mentioned fictional characters and that makes me think that those ones you can know deeply, you know their feelings and thoughts, and that leads me to think you haven't been able to know a person like that yet. you don't need to be looking for it, some day it might happen that you know someone and you can become friends, and you'll be getting to know your friends little by little. someday you can realise you have feelings for them. and then, only then, you'll feel like you want to cuddle, kiss them, be with them, feel them, you know?
i have thought myself if i was asexual, i was terribly afraid of being in a relationship like that with someone, but that was because of the way i thought about myself. and i never had had feelings about someone too. but then i realised i was wrong, and i didn't need to rush myself you see? |
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#5
Maybe you are living too much in your own head and are not in touch with what real life consists of? Fantasies are not real but you seem to be caught up in them as if they are. If you don't like kissing, that's one thing. But, if you'd prefer fantasy and daydreaming to real people contact then that indicates there is a problem. Have you seen a counselor?
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