safety of oral sex

OK, I have ordered vanilla flavor dental dams from drugstore.com and until they arrive, I will not think about this concern.

So the package from drugstore.com with the dental dams has arrived but I have not even bothered opening it. I do not feel anything - I have zero drive, zero lubrication, and I have managed to forget what an orgasm feels like. I am completely completely asexual at present, probably from being too stressed out. So a protected cunnilingus presently would be like a cruel joke. My ladyparts are as good as dead, presently. They are entirely numb and nothing can breathe life into them. That said, the guy has been very emotionally supportive every day so I feel grateful and want to be nice to him so I will try a protected fellatio tonight, sans reciprocation. I know he will feel awkward because he does not like the fact that I stopped coming, but it is the best I can do.

In a way, it was easier when I did not have orgasms due to Geodon - at least there was hope that off Geodon I would start coming again. Now? Why is it? Too much biking? Wrong blood pressure? Insane amount of stress coming from hostile children and ex husband? New med - Topamax, even though the dose is low? I do not know what is causing it but I sure feel completely hopeless. At least it was possible to reduce the dose of Geodon - I cannot reduce the dose of stress in my life!!! I am not a Zen Buddhist!

I feel for you. No desire sucks. It like the world below the belt goes numb. In the worst possible way. Hope cunnilingus is at least fun since it may not be the most rewarding. Sometimes that is all I can squeeze out of lack of sex drive, cunnilingus is a fair way to spend time. Sleep is better.

I am totally with you on it. Sleep, with my cats cuddled next to me, that is the best "activity". I also enoy swimming in the warm water pool (27C) (warm is a must).

I am definitely not going to mess with the dams knowing that I will be COMPLETELY numb and feel absolutely NOTHING.

But I am lucky in that unlike you I enjoy kissing.

I forgot about my plan. I am clearly too stressed out.

"Dam"ed if you do "dam"ed if you don't, leave the dams alone. Sleep and kitties. The best reward ever. They love, they are warm and who doesn't love a good kiss and nose rub w/ a sweet cat.

Yesterday I did not forget (I mean, I did not have a problem with my short term memory). In fact, I enjoyed sex (except that I could not orgasm) and I was able to focus on what we were doing, which is a big change since usually in my mind I draft letters to my children (who do not live with me) and, in my mind as well, discuss them with my lawyer or T, and that does not permit me to focus on sex at all. But yesterday, I actually enjoyed and was present and mindful, so - hallelujah. But, I was too shy to initiate a fellatio. Funny, no, a 42 year old woman who is too shy. Amazing. He was super nice, brought lovely scarlet roses without any special occasion, and totally deserved a fellatio.

I did not have this problem before. Never. In fact, my sexual debut was with a fellatio, followed by vaginal sex only after more than a whole year. And now, I am shy. So weird.

I am just experiencing one problem after another, literally mounting one on top of another! If not this then that. If not Geodon with sexual side effects, then Topamax, lovely. If not having mental conversations with a lawyer during sex, then being shy about a fellatio... unbelievable.

At any rate, he is leaving for a month today and until January I have time to think about this new problem of mine.

Has anyone been sexually shy?

I've turned down opportunities when I was a little younger (17) to date really fantastic women (one really stands out...lol the other instance was...less than really fantastic ) out of fear of sexuality, as I knew that was going to be a possibility at the time. Kick myself rather often for that...would've been special, with someone I truly love and admire. I just wasn't ready, which I guess is the final say in the matter.

But yes...you're not alone there. I've followed your posts a bit...if I had to place a bet, the combo of the new drug and the stress seem like likely culprits to me, but my betting record is less than stellar.

Oh, I am sorry about the opportunities you regret not taking! I have a few myself.

I bet you are right - the new drug and all the stress are just too much for me. But starting actually today (I will not take the PM dose) I will halve the dose of Topamax and perhaps that would do the trick for me. I just wish I could "halve" the stress just as easily, at will.