Is sex a basic need ?

I'm not even thinking about the relationship. I'm more worried that you're putting his needs well above your own and putting yourself in a position to get hurt badly.

Thank you for your reply but I don't understand what you mean.

He's already cheated, you have reason to believe that he might do it again and he even told you that he might leave. And now you are still trying to work it out for him. Meanwhile he has done no such thing for you.

Your equivalent of holding things down is changing your decision on sex and maybe having more sex with him.

His equivalent is not leaving you.

There is a major mismatch here and it looks like you're doing all the work.

Ladyzero, I understand you love your bf and want to be with him but your depression is holding you back at the moment. A good bf would be patient and help you through this difficult time. It looks as though your bf is only caring about himself and putting his needs way above yours.

Your health is the most important thing in this. It looks as though he is saying "give me sex or I'll leave". That is not a healthy relationship and I know this is difficult to hear, but you don't need someone like that. You can get through this pain, and you don't need him adding to it with demands that you don't feel comfortable meeting at this time. You need to concentrate on feeling/getting better. If he's not willing to help with that, then it may be time to separate.

I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, and I wish I could have worded it better. Sorry.

NOCAKE. Read my post properly, he has NOT cheated on me !

Astenon, I will answer your points briefly, and explain further tomorrow when feeling up to it more.
He's been patient for a year. At no point did he threaten me, just explained he wants a r/s. Not just text/talk, and never seeing me.
He never suggested to see me just for sex, but explained he has needs, which is natural.
I cancelled numerous dates, often even after he'd planned to cook a meal for us, often short notice.
He isn't going to wait around for ever, and told me, he didn't care if my hair needed doing. He wanted to see me, for me to take the step, outside of the prison I was in.

I am doing all the work at the moment, because I co*ked up ! I couldn't see just how low I was getting.

Well Ladyzero I feel like you are selling yourself short here. Ok he didn't cheat but the only thing he's doing to help the situation is promising not to leave you if you do whatever he wants. That's not what I would call helpful. Yes he has needs and it's great that you see that. But what about yours? You have completely thrown yours by the wayside here.

A relationship requires two people to function and so it is under no circumstances proper for one person to do all the work. That's how all these stupid power struggles get started. Sure we screw up badly but the other person isn't supposed to sit there with their arms crossed like they run the show. There needs to be some kind of compromise to make things easier. I'm not saying that there aren't times when one person just does something flat out crazy because yeah it happens. But you just don't want sex as much as he does and now you're getting guilt tripped over it. How is that fair to you?

And lets say you go through with this. Will you really be happy? Because all I see happening here is you feeling forced to have sex that you won't want and you'll just end up in the bed thinking about your grocery list or something while he does his thing. How long do you think it will take for you to start feeling resentment? Because it's only a matter of time. There is no doubt in my mind that sooner or later you're going to get fed up with having sex you don't want and that's just going to bottle up inside of you until you just explode one day.

And where does it end? Today it's sex. Tomorrow it's going to be something else. How much of your happiness and how much of yourself are you gong to throw away for someone that hasn't shown the same for you. He's basically telling you to **** him or he'll leave. What kind of crazy ish is that? Who says that to someone they love? Who? Ok sure he makes you feel loved sometimes - makes you feel special and you love that. But what about now? How do you feel now? Do you feel loved right now? Because all I see is you sitting here feeling guilt tripped for standing up for not wanting sex. You didn't burn all the money in the bank account, you didn't lose the house in a poker game, you didn't burn the car down, you didn't hurt the kids - you just don't want sex that much. I mean what kind of reason is that to make you feel guilty?

As far as I can see you really love the guy and you're willing to do whatever just to be with him and that's a beautiful thing. But what is he doing to be with you? I just don't see anything here that shows that he wants to help you make the relationship any better. That doesn't sound right to me. Just my two cents...

I think NoCake is saying the essence of what I want to say, but perhaps a bit more assertive than I would say it

I understand you've cancelled dates and perhaps left him feeling neglected because you couldn't bring yourself to go out. In that situation, if you were my girl, I'd pop round with supplies and cook for you. You would need to make too much of an effort, just sit there in your jimjams. Even if it was just an M&S meal for 2 thing. Maybe it's that sort of thing you say you've cancelled? If it is, sorry for misunderstanding.

I have helped a very good friend through depression and she was in a similar place to you at one time. It takes patience, care and support. You can and will come through this. Try to be positive and take the pluses out of the small steps you make.

Need to function properly, yes, to survive on an individual basis, no. As a species, yeah. So sex is pretty damn important when without it there would be none of this.

I doubt it.

You can ejaculate without sex.

I think the hypothesis that frequent ejaculation prevents prostate cancer has been disproven.

I think it was well proven, particularly with young males <25 years of age being more likely to develop the cancer later on. Fortunately boys will soon be vaccinated against prostate cancer so it will be a moot point.

Thank you all, this post, is alive, and still holds interest.
No disrespect to NOCAKE. But you are so off.
I have no problem with sex,
You aren't listening .
I just want the man, the soul, too. I'm happy to make love every day, and warm his slippers in the fridge and the beer in the oven. Tease him and surprise him
Yes, I'm fighting at the moment with my depression , but in 2 days I've made huge leaps. He won't answer my calls, and come the wkend when I know he's home, and could text a simple X. That will hurt.
Maybe that was the kick up the ar*e I needed ? Who knows.
My relationship with him isn't about sex.
But I believe
IT,S A BASIC NEED.

How great about the new vaccine.

I hope you will post an interesting and positive update before the view count shows 1000.

HammyB. What do you mean ? 1000 Count.
I am now on meds.
Was taken to the Doc's, as so weak. All bloods came back fine.
My weight gain through inactivity has put a downer on a huge progress I've made, doing small tasks indoors, walking alone to the shop felt like I'd climbed a mountain.
The bf situation remains the same. Hurts.
Now I'm worried about weight gain on meds, and losing my libedo (albeit by myself) .
I was a size 8, sexy blonde. Witty, sharp and a loving partner. Where did I go ?
This post remains active, and I love your replies. Thank you. Sorry for waffling.

"I was a size 8, sexy blonde. Witty, sharp and a loving partner. Where did I go ?"

She'll be back in no time. You've taken the first, huge step by going to the docs. Be patient with yourself though.

There is a view count and this thread has been viewed by close to a thousand ppl. I hope you reconnect with the bf before 1000

Oooff my word, had no idea. The replies and support has been amazing.
Now my trauma is will I gain weight on prozac (fluoxatine) ?
When you make an effort to dress, and the jeans don't fit.
Baby steps I know. My bloods all came back fine.
I walked to the shop twice. Dizzy, panic, all kicked in. But I did it ! This time last week I wasn't dressed.

Oooff my word, had no idea. The replies and support has been amazing.
Now my trauma is will I gain weight on prozac (fluoxatine) ?
When you make an effort to dress, and the jeans don't fit.
Baby steps I know. My bloods all came back fine.
I walked to the shop twice. Dizzy, panic, all kicked in. But I did it ! This time last week I wasn't dressed.

Prozac worked very, very well for my depression. And no weight gain although I have gained weight on other meds. Get the blonde back, it is OK if she is bigger for now.