Is sex a basic need ?

Thank you all. Day 7 now. Still forcing progress, as in getting up, is such a huge effort, when the days are long, lonely and boring. The ten minute walk to the shop is my excercise. I can't believe how frail I am ! All through doing nothing ! I couldn't look at my kitchen floor any longer and picked up the hoover, I did 4 rooms and had to rest in between. Felt like a huge task. I need to do more rooms, but was exhausted. I have to get up today, the hairdresser is coming ! Yippee ! Having yards cut off my long hair, and my natural blonde put in. A big job as it's been so long.
Really hoping the med won't cause weight gain, I can't afford a whole new wardrobe, and I feel already not huge, just chunky !
I'm not naturally a chunky gal, even when pregnant I was tiny. It's not vanity, it's what sits comfortable with myself.
The bf situation remains the same, he refuses to respond ! Unbelievable ! He won't even say goodbye, give me closure. I stopped texting , pleading with him, for a few days, but foolishly sent another yesterday, no response again. It raises so many questions, but hey, that's a different thread ! Thank you to everyone who's viewed and supported me, here.

I cannot vacuum so many rooms at my most energetic. I am very impressed.

this is because you have not been using your muscles. It is OK - they are just muscles and will regain force with practice.

Bless you H. B. ! X

I didn't gain weight from Prozac either. Also, the way I see it, being extremely sedentary myself, now all this change is really good for the metabolism, right? I mean, doing a little, starting from nothing, has more results, more effect, than doing a lot starting from very fit. So really we're lucky. So I keep telling myself!

Out of sync, but just to clarify to some above posts, I do want sex ! It wouldn't be forced, I just wanted him to see me for me, and not just for reunion sex. I cancelled loads of dates, and refused to open the door if he suggested calling round.

I personally resent the concept of sex as a basic need. Or even the concept of sex as a need period.
Sex, in my opinion, is strictly a want. Food, water, clothing, and shelter are all things that are fundamental to survival. Sex is not. Fundamental to procreation, undoubtedly, but it is in no way required for an individual to live a happy and healthy life.

P.S. I hope I don't come across as rude or anything. Both my past therapists tried very hard to convince me that I should treat my sex drive as I do hunger or thirst while they are fundamental different. I just found this thread and wanted to post my opinion.

I think that your depression has much more to do with the lack of the relationship you really want to have with your BF & he is unwilling to provide....to give you that commitment of marriage....you said that your relationship is very NOT NORMAL (in my own words).....& you were very unhappy that he hadn't made the relationship into marriage even before you stopped having sex with him because of your "depression". Then when he was going to use the escort & he wouldn't tell you that he didn't because of you but only because it wasn't what he wanted......you were waiting & waiting for him to show you how much he really does care.....& you aren't willing to just be sex for him which is why you won't have it upon returning together.....jeeze...putting those pieces together.....I would say.....You really need to get rid of him.....I don't care if you say you love him....because love isn't a one way street & if you are the only one wanting to commit to the relationship & you don't feel you are getting the true commitment that you NEED from him......That commitment is more important in our lives than sex as a NEED.....& you aren't getting your basic need met by having his commitment or even really how much he cares just because he's hung around for a year.....doesn't show true commitment IMO. Some guys just don't have what it takes to leave a relationship........

My H (stbxh) was a prime example of this.....things were really bad in the marriage....but he did everything he could to hold onto the marriage....why...because divorce to him (or maybe leaving to your BF) was a sign of his failure to be able to have a relationship.....so they just keep hanging on to the nothing that really exists.

I didn't realize it at the time....thought my major depression & suicide attempts was just about loosing my engineering career where it was also really about being trapped in the bad marriage with no way out.

Sounds to me like you are both just holding cause you aren't willing to deal with change or letting go & really knowing that you are alone & going back into trying to FIND someone.

Sex is NOT a need.....IMO & for me, it's an expression of LOVE & when there is NO love in the relationship & it's NOT something that I feel or feel in return.....then it's not a part of my life. Yes, it's important to have someone who cares about you....but sometimes we have to do without that until we find the right person also.

No one has really touched on why your depression is so bad......just seems to me your life circumstances is playing a huge role in it just like it did in mine & no one could see that either until I finally got out of the marriage after 33 years & could truly see the light....by getting away from him & the relationship. Yes, you have been away from him for the past year....but you & he have been holding on....seems like you have been hoping during that time that he would realize just how much he really wanted to be married to you.

I hope shared sex isn't a need because then I'd have to be on life support.

....

I'm not so sure he's not having any sex with someone else for an entire year. How could he go from 4-10 per day to nothing for an entire year unless he joined a monastery, and now he's withholding sex from you? Something doesn't compute, or I haven't properly read the thread.

Some people have actually tried Prozac as a weight loss drug. You should be fine in that department.

Sex is a need. Human beings need to have sex. We are hardwired to have sex biologically and not having it is difficult.

I don't think it is a need for everyone equally. I don't think that you HAVE to have sex to be happy or even masturbate. Some people have low sex drives or whatever and just don't need it. But I would consider them in the minority and most people need some sort of sexual activity.

For myself, I can't say if I need sex or not as I am a virgin, but I can say that without masturbation, I am a cranky, foul, frustrated human being. I am happier when I masturbate.

But even still, the whole "men have needs" thing is annoying. Yes, men have needs and need to "empty" themselves every so often or they get pain, a phenomenon called "blue balls". However, women also get "pink balls" but people don't talk about that much. And you don't literally need sex to the point of water where if you do not have sex for a few days, you die. I'm not saying that you guys have been sexless for only a few days, I mean that he should be fine wacking it off in the shower and waiting for you to feel better

LOL....yes, I ended up in treatment for anorexia after taking Prozac....it started my weight loss & it ended up triggering even more weight loss until I almost didn't survive.....Prozac is very good for weight loss along with Wellbutrin which my foolish pdoc put me on after the prozac.....ht wasn't very wise.

That biological hardwiring however is for reproduction.....& also with the chemicals that are released during the sexual act, it causes bonding to the person you are having sex with (studies have been done on these facts). Sex was not created for recreation, but for re-creation.....& a way to bond the two together in an even more loving relationship even though recreation is the way humans have taken it.

It is not a need at all. You can survive without sex. It is a desire, same as chocolate cake.

Mmm ... chocolate sex ... er ... cake.

Not a great analogy I admit. But you don't need sex to survive unlike food and water.

I wonder how billions of people would react if we take away from them their fast speed Internet access, saying that they do not need it to survive...

I don't watch porn anymore and I'm doing okay without it. Use your hand and your imagination if you're desperate. It's not like you can only have an orgasm from sex. Another reason why it's not needed.

I don't think so, we want it yes, as a connection. But I know I haven't had sex in 2 years, though I crave it everyday.

I'm still banking on your depression being because of HIM & you took to bed a year ago feeling depressed because he didn't want to get married or ask you to get married.

Betcha if he asked you to marry him right now & you were going to be planning a wedding, you would be outta bed so fast & planning your wedding.

Interesting that your depression went down hill even more right after you found out he was going to hire an escort service but didn't....NOT BECAUSE OF YOU....but because it wasn't what he wanted to do.....

Interesting coincidence.

There is nothing wrong with this.......not saying there is.....but I went many years after I lost my career with major depression, major anxiety & so many suicide attempts....I really lost count....& many were close to being successful.......it wasn't until 6 years ago when I finally LEFT my H after 33 years of that bad marriage....that I realized...it wasn't JUST the loss of my career......it was the bad marriage that was the major trigger in my major depression & subsequent suicide attempts. The thing is that to get through the mental illnesses that we deal with, we have to understand the cause.....not saying that there aren't other things involved like there were with me......but I realized that the major issues was the one thing that I never was willing to acknowledge.

Actually Prozac acts as a appetite suppressant to many people. I lost over 20 lbs on it....but that put me down to 83.....& I wasn't healthy because of that & in & out of the medical hospital besides the psych hospital.....talk about a mess!!!!!

I am sorry but only if I am dating or in a relationship, there needs to be sex. its a mutual connection between 2 ppl joined together as 1.

With chocolate cake!!

Okay, I'm done this time ... really. Now where did I leave my rock ..?