Performance Anxiety and Other Issues

i need help. over the course of the last two years i have developed really bad performance anxiety. ive been with my gf for two years and when we first started i was fine. however one day i was unable to perform and ever since then its been hit or miss. ever since that day i get really nervous and lately the only way i have been able to perform is if i have a few drinks to take the edge off. when we start kissing etc im literary thinking if i will get an erection and then when its time i lose it. i never had this problem until that one day but now i cant shake it. i use to be ready at a moments notice. we would do it in public places and now i cant act on the thoughts in my head. consequently this has made me shy away from sex and she thinks it is her. but if we start to do it and i cant perform she thinks it is her. i finally broke down and told her what was happening but she still thinks it is her. i will day dream at work about things i want to do with/to her but im terrified to try. what sucks is when im able to perform im really good, very attentive etc but again....its like i literally hear a voice telling me dont mess up
also my sex drive isnt where i like it. it never really has been but i think my other problem is making it lower

any thoughts etc would be appreciated..

what is your age if you don't mind me asking. Have you started any new meds. Antidepressants, blood pressure, anything else.

it is tough to recover from that. I have preformance anxiety to and I'm female. If the big "O" doesn't happen then it makes my H feel bad. Like he didn't do his job. So it puts alot of pressure on me. I do understand fully. Mine is mostly due to meds though.

Maybe try to make it gf-centered non-phallic sex to the extent possible, giving her orgasms (manual, oral, whatever she likes) as a rule right at the beginning. Then your erection would be icing on the cake. erections are only a must for reproduction. A woman can enjoy sex without them. Luckily. Sex is not tied with reproduction. For recreational (non-procreative) sex, erections are sure very nice, but not a must. That should be your mindset. Because you in reality have two problems, not one: 1) your performance anxiety and 2) her believing that 1) is due to something being wrong with her. If you make sure to shower her with affection and orgasms, you would take care of problem 2) and it just might in turn help you with problem 1).

Good luck!

Very good advice Hamster. No harm trying either.

im 37 and no meds. i actually enjoy pleasing her so its not like i just go for penetration. im at the end of my rope. overcoming ur own mind is really difficult

If you enjoy pleasing her, why does she find fault with herself?