Transgender ramble...

Quite recently I have started to come to grips with something I have struggled with for as long as I could understand the issue. I've always felt much more comfortable with masculine roles and clothing. I absolutely hate wearing feminine clothes and avoid it. I believe I act and think more like a man than a woman. I have a very hard time seeing myself as a woman. In online games I always feel more comfortable playing as a male and coming across as a guy. I look longingly at the men's clothing section at stores or online shopping. My interests line up more with men's than women's. I think you get the picture without me going on, because I could go on for a while.

As far as sexuality, I still find myself more attracted to men than women, although I feel pretty set on not having a "partner" at all. I think I would feel pretty comfortable for the most part presenting myself as a man, and to an extent, I kinda already have been. I sometimes even feel weird going into the women's bathrooms because of it lol. (I have short hair styled in a way that is more typically masculine, wear more "masculine" clothing...)

I'm still pretty torn though. My whole family is very traditional Christian, and I strongly suspect they would not accept this aspect of me. I'm going to my first T meeting in a couple days who is a Christian counselor. I'm not practising religion right now, although I'm hiding this for the time being. On one hand I really want to bring this issue up, but on the other hand, I'm rather concerned about how most Christians view this subject and not 100% sure if I should bring this up or not.

Anyways, that's my ramble, I really want to talk this out a bit and it seems like PC is the best place to do it right now...!

I understand that you might have reasons to hide the fact that you are not practicing the religion, but I fail to see why you would want to hire a Christian counselor in the midst of all that. Hire a conventional therapist who is not affiliated with any religion instead. You already have enough on your plate - why add more???

Given your background and the little about yourself that you shared, I think a Christian counselor is fine. First of all if they are truly a practicing psychologist they are committed to confidentiality. I would also be careful about painting all christians with the same brush. Yes there are narrow minded Christians in the world who are judgmental. There are also many non-christians who are likewise narrow minded and extremely biased. Some one who shares your background is probably more likely to understand where you are coming from and the issues with your family. What matters also is the credentials of the therapist you chose. There are people out there with little or no formal training in psychology who masquerade as therapists.

In my experience, I have found the Christian therapists that I have seen as much more caring and affirmative, than those who were totally secular. I was never ever given the hard sell. In fact one of the reasons I decided to investigate christian faith again after being awol for more than 20 years was the compassion and help I received from a Christian counselor, who never once tried to sell me his faith.

I am sure there are multiple perspectives on this. Gender and Sexuality are complicated issues. Even though I happen to be very feminine most of the time I have in my circle of acquaintances people who are all over the map. One of my friends at work is female, but has a strong inclination toward masculine view points. I think we need to stop putting people into boxes and labeling them gay, lesbian, straight, trangendered, etc. Human sexuality spreads across a wide range. Just be whoever you are and do not let people box you in or label you.

Thanks for responding. Yeah, you bring a good point up, and I have thought about it. I am a bit worried about how she will respond, as it's still a pretty sensitive issue. As far as hiding why I'm not practising religion, it's quite simply I don't want to alienate myself from my family.

Thanks to you also for responding. You make some very insightful points which I think are exactly right for my case. I am hoping that this counsellor will be open-minded and non-judgmental and if she is, it could be exactly what I need. My family is quite closed-minded about things like this but you make a good point saying that not all Christians are this way. She has excellent credentials. Also, as you said, her understanding of my Christian background I believe will be very helpful where most others might not have the same kind of knowledge.

Again, well said. Thanks for this, it really helps settle some things I've been feeling.
I am concerned about how my family will respond because, as I said, they tend to be very closed about these types of things. I don't mind labels if it helps people understand better, but sometimes labels carry more stigma then understanding even if that's not the purpose of them - so it ends up potentially alienating people rather than an acceptance of them, unfortunately.