Get Rejected More

I stumbled upon this article and I thought this was very helpful. It put me into perspective. If I want to go out on dates, go out on dates. I am afraid of rejection because I have never experienced it, but I'll never find a boyfriend if I don't put myself out there.

I hope you find this helpful.

Love,

DrSkipper

Get Rejected More

If you're weeping into a glass of sherry and wondering why the world is so cruel and your life is so loveless, well, you have no one to blame but yourself.

Yes, I said that. Because if you're like a lot of women, you wait. And wait. You think you're enlightened and independent, yet there you are clinging to this Disneyfied idea of romance, believing down deep that if you click your heels, the Right One will appear, if you just sit quietly and wait. It's not the world getting in your way; it's you.

You need to make **** happen. Here's how: You need to take more risks. And you need to get rejected. In fact, my challenge to you is to get rejected no fewer than three times. Tonight, if possible. Because it means you're getting somewhere. Also, because it's unlikely you'll even get that far before someone takes you up on it. (Trust me on this.)

Men already know this. They play the numbers. They're used to rejection — they accept it as part of the game. If they ask out ten ladies, it means one or two or three will say yes. They go after what they want, and expect rejection. Regularly.

I knew a guy like this in college. He was nothing to look at, truly, but a fun, personable guy. He was never the hottest guy in the room. But he asked out EVERYONE. And the man always had a date. It's not magic. It's numbers.

You need to think this way. You don't need to "act" like a man, but you need to adopt the mentality, create the calluses, and push through it. If you prefer a more gender-neutral example, think business: A salesperson doesn't go into the field thinking everyone will say yes. But she goes out knowing that to get a return on those efforts, she needs to aim for far more than she'll actually land.

When's the last time you got rejected? And what did you do about it? If the answer is go home, lick your wounds, and stop shaving your legs, that's the wrong answer.

I've gotten rejected lots of times–tons. It sucks every single time. It will always hurt. But it doesn't always have to stop you cold. When I look at the past year alone, I've been told many times "no," or "later," and "maybe not."

STRIKE ONE: I was seeing a man in the midst of a divorce; he had pursued me. Then he said he needed time; he'd be back. That was a year ago. When I asked whatever happened to him, he said he was dating other people, but decided he "didn't want to continue our thing." Our thing? Meaning, that thing he started? Yeah, that hurt. Moving on.

STRIKE TWO: I sold a guy a set of drawers on craigslist. I was charmed. I emailed him to let him know I thought so. We went for coffee. Then, a walk. He emailed me the next day and said I just wasn't what he was looking for in a girlfriend. I was shocked, then hurt. Then, over it. Next?

STRIKE THREE: I put the full-court press on a guy I met at a singles event (or rather, I happened to him — find out how to do this). I had him in the bag — I thought. He texted me the next day to go out. Then he changed the date. Then, he changed his mind.

I have more…you want me to go on? You get my point. I get hurt, sad. I don't quit. And I'm never without a date if I want one. I just go get one.
I also find men wherever they are — not just out at some bar. Anyone you meet is game, and he doesn't have to be in striking distance of a gin and tonic to be game. I recently visited the Apple Genius bar for help with my Mac. The guy who helped me was completely adorable. I started to leave after our session and then turned my *** right around and went back inside and, when I couldn't find him, gave my card to another employee to give to him.

He wrote me back a very polite, service-oriented note. I wrote back telling him I was interested in him. And I didn't hear back. For a month.

I forgot about it.

And then, weeks later, he started following me on Twitter. I called him out ("hey I know you") and he replied, "We should hang out."

So we did. And we are.

Be warned: The more time you spend in a gaggle of ladies, the less time you spend taking the risk of putting yourself out there in a real way — making yourself vulnerable, trying, and, failing. Failing isn't a mistake or something you shouldn't have done. It's something you should be doing more.

Do it. Go out — alone. Look hot. Feel hot. Sit at the bar and get a drink. Start a conversation with someone who's even just mildly attractive. I don't give a **** if he's married, gay, or about to enter the priesthood. Buy him a drink. You will probably not marry this man. But you may date him. Who knows? And at the very least, you have a fun, flirty conversation. There will be more.

Do it again. And again. Introduce yourself to guys you meet randomly, in passing, anywhere. Rack up numbers. And you will get results — and likely, a guy who appreciates a woman with a little initiative.

Around here going to Apple store for dates is standard. Not just the geniuses themselves but also customers. At least that is what I have heard.

I'm not into geeks or people who think they are so cool for having the latest gadgets, they annoy me.

My cats managed to get four keys off the keyboard of my old Mac Book Pro. The lesson - always close the laptop for the night. This lesson is going to cost me almost 100 dollars - the laptop is so old that the keys for this old model could not be individually replaced. A whole new kb was ordered.

SO... the genius was a pretty girl.

HENCE, Apple store is not for straight women looking for dates anymore.

Sounds like way too much work.

After reading it I find I'm tired and in need of a nap.

Think I'll take me, my hairy legs (and pits) and go have me a nice little snooze.

If you want to find love it's worth the rejection. If you just want to sleep around then that's a different story.

I don't know, my needs at 20 are going to be a lot different than yours at your age. What I take from the article is that I need to get out and experiment and have fun despite the risk of rejections. It's hard enough with the online dating thing, but now they have a blind date section I'm going to try out in the next couple weeks and see how it goes.

Well, I saw Patty Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker, on a show recently, and she was giving tips. As far as finding love online (or just a good time), try one of the dating sites, but if you don't find what you want with the first one, go to another. There's a different pool of people at different sites. Keep trying different ones. I can agree with that to a point--but a lot of people who use one site use the others, too. Still, maybe you'll get lucky.

So in order to increase your odds, you have to ask out tons of people? But that would mean you'd have to ask out tons of people you have absolutely no interest in nor are attracted to...at least it would be for me. It's rare I'm attracted to anyone at all and even if I am, I don't know whether it's real or for some overly superficial reason.

When I have more time, I'm going to go back and reread the article more closely I think.

I am not sure that the mass marketing approach is the best way to find your soul mate. I tell my daughter that she needs to fish in a high quality pond. If you fish in the sewer you can guess what you may find. I do not mean that to be snobby or anything, but I think we need to go the places where the kind of people that we are interested in and attracted to also hang out. I met the man who is now my husband at a science lecture at the University. I say though to each their own, but who you interact with makes all the difference in the world

I like that analogy.

Or, spam email - I have been told that spammers make a profit if just one in a (very very large number that I do not remember) email about Viagra gets opened and a purchase transaction gets made. But that is because the marginal cost of sending each additional spam email is virtually zero. What this woman advises: "Go out — alone. Look hot. Feel hot. Sit at the bar and get a drink." costs far from zero.