Trans stuff.

For the past 11 months, I have suffered with gender dysphoria. I've been in and out of websites, and I was never really confused about it, until I talked to a doctor about it, and started posting about it. Strangely enough on a site like this, I don't feel as nervous about it. Anyways, when I think about transgendered issues, I start to feel like I'm not in my body anymore. Like I feel like my arm has moved but it hasn't. It's really weird.

To continue, throughout my life, my parents would always do things for me, and always speak for me, and always tell me what to do. So now when I think i'm trans I want to run and ask people if I am, because I doubt I could at all be right. I don't really trust myself. Needless to say this has caused huge amounts of confusion, I mean I can't usually go through an hour without questioning it. If you add this with constant nervousness on the idea of being transgendered, well you get how nervous I am. And then I take it a bit further, when I assume I'd never be able to deal with these issues because of my disability, and well I kind of breakdown on the issue. If I could never be a girl why would I want to go down the path at all. And then I wonder if life is really pointless. And well the circle of confusion repeats.

What is really infuriating about these gender issues, is that fact that everybody says just be yourself. I mean, how could you know how to be yourself if you've never known yourself in the first place. I've spent my whole life mostly ignoring life, so what am I suppose to do to figure out who I am?

How does somebody who doesn't feel like they are the right gender build up self esteem to be okay with it? I could ramble forever with questions, but thanks whoever reads this.

Welcome! We do have some transgendered people here, but evidently they haven't had a chance to see your post. When it comes down to it, I think we could say you're having "identity" issues. Your parents never let you just be who you were and even to experiment with what you like and don't like.

Are you in a position to see a counselor? I think it's very important that you talk to someone about what's happening with you. You are certainly not alone. After some therapy, then you would typically try out living the life of the gender you believe you truly are.

Let's hope that someone with this experience posts soon. Meanwhile, hang in here. You don't say how old you are, so that might make a difference in what approach could be taken.

This is something you'll have to sort out by yourself... Nobody can advise you or tell you what you believe you are

Hi hi, Adelaide!

Let me state, I'm a transitioning MtF and have been for about five years now. Delving into the gender side of ones self can be extremely difficult. I didn't end up confronting myself about it till I was about 31, but was having issues with it as far back as I could remember.

I understand the not being able to trust yourself, I go through that as well, and sometimes my thoughts sway pretty far. I know that I probably would have been able to start transitioning if it wasn't for the support I've had over the years from friends and family who supported me. I know in the beginning for me, I went through a LOT of questioning myself, what was doing, what was I thinking. I had that even after starting my transition.

The whole be yourself statements people use, I tend to feel, are way over used. It's a far more complicated then that. Sure it's great for folks who don't have complex issues, but for the rest of us, it's like having to scale Everest in sandals. The primary way to figure it out relies on introspection, and a lot of it. Having a Gender Therapist is real helpful too. Gender is not the simply black and white that a lot of people think it is. It's like picking one teddy bear and having a thousand colors to choose from.

Being OK with it, that's well... Some have the mindset to take it in stride and just sail on, others can struggle for years and years. A lot of that does have to do with your starting mindset and perceptions of gender and sex. Sometimes, those foundations need to be torn down and rebuilt. I have had a lot of problems. I will say this, if you feel like the dealership installed the wrong parts, being OK with it is... Not so great. I have known Non-Ops, folks who had medical reasons why they can't transition, and their lives are hard, hard, hard. For me, transitioning was the best choice I ever made for myself.

Like you, I could ramble, and ramble. I practically lived at a trans site long ago, if that says how much ramble, ramble, ramble I could do!

Gender is complicated. For years, my discomfort was something I could overlook, but this last year, I feel like I can't go on presenting as an incorrect gender any longer. I identify as agender, so non-binary trans* or FtN. I'm neither a man or a woman. Sadly the dysphoria presents because I have a chest and a female voice, and people call me "miss" or "ma'am."

Try to be mindful of what triggers your dysphoria. How would you like to be perceived? What do you perceive yourself as? Only you can define you.

I am going through the same feelings and thoughts, you are not alone!

Hello Adelaide: I just happened onto your post. I see in one of your posts, you mention you're working on seeing a therapist. I hope this works out for you. Therapy will be important in helping you sort out your feelings about depression, anxiety, self-esteem & gender identity dysphoria.

I also noted that you mentioned a severe medical condition. I presume then that transition would probably not be a possibility for you, assuming that this was something that you even wanted, of course.

I'll just tell you that I'm an older person who has lived his whole life as an untransitioned transgendered person. (I have several posts in the "Transgender and Other Gender Support" forum. You said you could ramble forever with questions. You can private message me any time. I'd be glad to correspond.